Great news, dear readers! We're finally changing the awful title of our weekly hate mail repository. This series heretofore known as "Tail of Mears" will now be called, "Our Far-Flung Correspondence." So keep flinging that poop at us, and we'll keep publishing it.
This week someone was mad that "Jesus Christ" introduced a Paula Deen story. Then we had Monsieur Anatomical Confusion writing again. His favorite word is definitely "provoking." Read his latest submission, along with our other correspondence, below:
Yes, "Jesus Christ" is by far the most offensive of the words involved in this Paula Deen story.
Subject: Your article
Body: Why would you start your article about Paula Deen with "Jesus Christ"??? Have you no brains??? Your statement is offensive and you should think before you put things out there... Pitiful Caity :(
Subject: Go fuck yourself, asshole
Body: Hey you fucking prick son of a bitch, no one likes your stupid articles about economy and shit like that. Yups, enjoy the truth! Everybody think you are a fucking lame bastard who go queering in the closet with sodomites, robbing each others penises and creaming. I do not like your alligator photo, it make me bunt and it is so provoking. Use a human photo or go fuck off. So there!
Of course, you recognize this brilliant use of language from three weeks ago. Yes, it's from the same email address as the man who wrote this gem, reprinted below, because it's as bananas as it is brief:
SUBJECT: Hey asshole
BODY: Go fuck yourself, sodomite. Go queering in the closet. Go eat the pee from a dick. It is so provoking.
Why would you trust us with this?
Subject: wanna host an international student?
Body: Hi there:
I am so sorry to bother you. I was writing to inquire if you would be interested in hosting an international student for the 2013-2014 academic school years.
Our organization is a non-profit organization designated by the State Department to be engaged in exchange programs. Our students range from 15-18 years old and come from the following countries: Brazil, China, Denmark, Germany, Korea, Spain, Taiwan, and Thailand. Students will have their own health insurance and spending money. All of our students have undergone personal interviews, standardized English testing, and maintain good grades in their native countries.
If this sounds like something you would be interested in doing, please e-mail me or visit our website.
If you also know of anyone who would be interested in hosting, please forward this e-mail to them.
Thank you for your time!
That's all in our monkey shit correspondence this week! Have a fantastic weekend and welcome to July.
To contact the author of this post, please email email@example.com. Art by Jim Cooke.