Ascender commented on College Football Preview: The Blackout Is Coming to Georgia!

"Wisconsin hasn't won at the Big House in 14 years, as I'm sure someone has pointed out...and there's a severe inferiority complex Wisco has about Michigan."

Ascender commented on The Notorious B.I.G. Movie Looks Sure To Hypnotize

"Yeah, I just pooped my pants."

Ascender commented on Getting To Know Jose Reyes' Alleged Road Beef

"Do not want."

Ascender commented on Matthew McConaughey's Mom Recalls The Time His Father Expired Inside Her

"If Clerks taught us anything it's that you can die with an erection...so the question is not whether Big Jim finished (we know he did) but whether Kay got her last taste of what the French call the "little death.""

Ascender commented on EXCLUSIVE: MTV VMAs Host Russell Brand Takes the Defamer Pop Culture Test

"I enjoyed this post whilst drinking a gin and tonic, meeting my Englishness quota for the day."

Ascender commented on Dead Monster Washes Ashore in Montauk

"Are we sure that's not from here? [www.worth1000.com]"

Ascender commented on Newt Gingrich Pleads With The Packers To Keep Brett Favre

"Newt can conceive of an alternate future where the Nazi's win WWII but not where Brett Farve is a Bear?"

Ascender commented on Media Approval Ratings: Colin Cowherd

"I kick in the screens of Vizio HD TV's just to piss him off."

Ascender commented on Get Your Psychotropic Drugs Free With Each Deportation!

"On a serious tip, and I hate being serious, but fuck it, Haldol and Ativan are the "shut the fuck up" drugs of choice here in Cook County for unruly inmates at the Cook County Jail..which is as close to a Terrordome in a major metropolitan city as it gets."

Ascender commented on Fraudulent Former N.H. Congressional Candidate Is Saddest Person In World History

"Lol at the Audrey Leiler reference."