This is so great - I thought Alicia Keys held up pretty well next to Bonnie Raitt, which in itself Is high praise. Makes me mad about the 2006 awards all over again, though. Kelly Clarkson over Bonnie Raitt, really? I know I sound like an old coot, but... Really?
It's funny, as the hus and I were watching the accerlerated train wreck that was Karmin's SNL spot, we both made the identical comparison to Walk Off the Earth. It's the difference between "why haven't we heard of these guys" and "why does anyone care about these guys?"
A friend of mine had a life coach for a bit (she was also an 'actualization expert', you guys!) Paradoxically, this woman helped me develop my first shred of self mastery due to the spectacular self control it required not to beat the stuffing out of her every time we were in a room together. So... +1?
Haha! I pooped myself and cried when I read this. Well done.
I lived with an IT pro for a few years (in a "roomie, clean up your shit" capacity rather than a romantic one, I should clarify) and he would occasionally make me have a date post mortem with him, wherein he would walk me through his dates and ask for feedback on the various, by turns endearingly honest and glaringly obtuse, things he did to alienate women. To him, it was like watching game film with feedback from the ball. To me, it was like being Jake Gyllenhaal in that movie where he tries again and again to stop a train from blowing up. It was sort of a quid pro quo - you set up my wireless network and maintain my laptop, I'll try my best to keep you from getting drinks thrown in your face. This makes me weirdly (unreasonably?) sympathetic to the post-relationship questionnaire dude. There's something medium-heartbreaking about someone who feels like they just don't know the rules and is trying hard to understand, no? Maybe I'm just getting soft in my advanced age...
Bravo.
Meek and over-intellectualized?!?! That's Obama-talk!
Xstina brilliantly illustrates that the best defense is a good offense.
Sister-in-law: "Dude, did you just bone in the bathroom at a family reunion?"
Xstina (sluuuuurily): "You're... You're a SLUT!"
Well played, madam.
Sister-in-law: "Dude, did you just bone in the bathroom at a family reunion?"
Xstina (sluuuuurily): "You're... You're a SLUT!"
Well played, madam.
This is sad... Poor woman just thinks her vagina is like a hands-free purse now. She's not even 'hiding' stuff in there anymore, it's just a place to put stuff that you're going to be completely open about having anyway.
Heh. I thought she looked like melted Ashley Tisdale. Same difference?
But more delicious. Or not, since it's Domino's, I guess.
Wow... your dreams sound *great.*
Oh for fuck's... She manages to deliver a big ol' poorly written and poorly thought out "fuck y'all" to both women who could give a fuck if their partner's dinner is on the table at 6 and 'actual housewives.' (Which she wouldn't want to actually be, or anything, you guys, even though she's got it down to a *total fucking science*.)
Also, "I'll mix a warm cocktail, which he's a big fan of. " Could you possibly mean "of which he is a big fan"? Maybe no one will give you a job because you end sentences with prepositions. Maybe you should thumb through the Elements of Style while you're sexually readying yourself and warming that hot toddy.
Who needs a scotch now. Shit!
Also, "I'll mix a warm cocktail, which he's a big fan of. " Could you possibly mean "of which he is a big fan"? Maybe no one will give you a job because you end sentences with prepositions. Maybe you should thumb through the Elements of Style while you're sexually readying yourself and warming that hot toddy.
Who needs a scotch now. Shit!
No doubt Amanda Seyfried will cry herself to sleep tonight at your rejection. Not so much as a shirtsleeve to wipe her pretty little eyes with, either.
We is in ur magazeen, stealin' ur far-right beleefs.
We know you guys are jerks, but we think it's odds on you have big dicks. We're not... *wrong* are we?
I thought, Jack the Killer of Large Stature.
Yowza... engineer, Journey, titty-fucking. That's a 3-fer, my friend.
Tremendous... also, dodged a bullet on that one. I'm always floored that girls actually pretend to be infertile.
@ExactlyCake: I'd buy confused, as in, not sure whether to have a wank or sing "Poker Face" or both... but not offended.
