Also, I can't tell you how often servers end up as the place where conflict between partners is projected. What's also creepy, now that I think of it? The wife didn't intervene. She could have said, "What are you doing? I asked him to do it! Get me out of here!" But she didn't. Which means she's either afraid of this man or she enjoyed watching the drama play out.
In the private dining room I worked at this was always very explicit. If the waiter didn't know this, he was badly trained by the club. Part of the reason for this is that the captain or maitre'd were also responsible to audit the check, which can run very high, and be sure it is correct. Given that the checks range from say 700.00-70,000.00 for a dinner depending on the number of guests, etc., this is really a different world---and as a mistake on the bill can offend a patron permanently, they are carefully managed. Also, the captain usually adds the tip, and receives a side tip from the host that they may or may not share with the waiters---another reason the waiter is not to present the check.
There's no mention of a captain in the item. This may be because the club has decided captains, who really are more expensive than waiters, as they organize the waiters, were too expensive and have let them go, resulting in dining room chaos. Or, the captain was not on the ball, in which case it is partly the captain's fault that this happened.
In any case, it is considered rude to bring the check to the table if it has not been requested by the host. It is however considered psychotic to break the waiter's finger as a result of your displeasure at this. So, the win on this one goes to the waiter. But it should be said, the wife should watch out, because the real finger he wanted to break was probably hers.