Colonel Mustard commented on Fat People Can't Get Jobs, and Unemployed People Can't Get Thin

"@quatrevingtquatre: Californians never ate before the collapse, though."

Colonel Mustard commented on Classy Les Moonves Just Told a CNBC Reporter He's Firing His Mother-in-Law on Live TV

"@econdave: "Your mother-in-law's got One Job To Lose, eh?""

Colonel Mustard commented on The Toronto Edition of Metro Wants You to See This Man's Penis

"@CanadianSL: I've been to Peterborough as well - very pretty, although there was less exposed wang while I was in town."

Colonel Mustard commented on Lazy Sex Pervs

"@Spirit Fingers: Without the beaver, thousands of tittering fifth-graders wouldn't be able to say "damn" and then play it off like they were talking about wildlife!"

Colonel Mustard commented on Palin Becomes a Birther as Revenge Unto Those Who Doubted Trig

"@Atilla the Bun: I hated having to babysit kids like her when I was in high school."

Colonel Mustard commented on Palin Becomes a Birther as Revenge Unto Those Who Doubted Trig

"@Atilla the Bun: Right?"

Colonel Mustard commented on How Are We Whipping Our Kids Into Fighting Shape?

"@Jim Topoleski: Did you go to school in a Norman Rockwell painting, by any chance?"

Colonel Mustard commented on How Are We Whipping Our Kids Into Fighting Shape?

"@Jim Topoleski: The only thing PE provides to kids is a school-sanctioned opportunity for the bigger, more athletic, popular kids to beat the living shit out of the unpopular kids with the full support of supervising adults. The only kids who burned calories in PE were the kids who were going to play intramural sports and beat up more kids after school anyway."

Colonel Mustard commented on Another Day, Another Palin Gaffe

"Ha ha."

Colonel Mustard commented on Everything You Need to Know in Order to Watch James Franco on General Hospital

"@Spirit Fingers: He's just following in the proud, crazy tradition of Miss Elizabeth Taylor!"