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#fridaymorningnewsdumps
Chelsea Clinton Engaged
Every political reporter in the nation was so consumed by one ridiculous non-story over the holiday weekend that they missed the biggest ridiculous non-story of the month: Chelsea Clinton is engaged!
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#thanksgiving
Obama Sends Turkey to Die in California
After a hilarious speech, President Obama pardoned the first turkey of his administration, continuing this delightful tradition that should probably be ended, immediately. More » -
#complaints
World's Least Respected Conservative Thinker: There Are Too Many Gays and Whores in Newsweek
Former National Review Online editor Kathryn Jean Lopez is outraged that Newsweek disseminates the opinions of wanton harlots and avowed sodomites. Specifically, Dan Savage and Sasha Grey. More » -
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#tests
You Must Be This Much of a Dick to Receive RNC Support
The Republicans were embarrassed when their candidate in NY-23 turned out to be too electable to be acceptable to the psychos who've seized control of their party. RNC members have proposed a solution: a purity test! More » -
#meltdowns
What the Hell's Wrong with Gavin Newsom?
Besides his Patrick Bateman hair, obviously. The San Francisco mayor and obvious prick went into hiding after mysteriously quitting the governor's race, and his silence-breaking TV interview was a mess.
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#holidays
Obama's First Thanksgiving Proclamation: Just OK
Thanksgiving Proclamations are, for the most part, pretty routine. Namecheck settlers, Washington, Lincoln, God, and our Troops. Encourage people to give thanks. The end. But there are some key differences between a Bush declaration and an Obama declaration!
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#culturewars
Islamic extremists with posh British accents sound so reasonable! Sharia law? Sure, you know best!
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#polls
Obama Joins Truman, Reagan, and Clinton In "Immediately Failed Presidencies" Club
It is a good thing the American Constitution calls for instant run-off presidential elections the minute the "winner" dips below 50% approval, or else we would be stuck with the most unpopular president in American history for years to come. More » -
#rants
New York City Just Gives Up on Subway Service
Did you hear the great news? The MTA will not raise fares! Or cut service! Wonderful! Except none of the headlines say "for just one year." Or "not counting the existing fare increase and de facto service cuts." More »
