"Jane is glad it's friday and loves her boyfriend so much
Jane is tired and her bf is amazing
Jane is watching a movie and doesn't have anything to say to her boyfriend.
Jane is working and noticing her amazing boyfriend doesn't have anything to say to her either.
Jane is happy that the concert was good and wondering whether she and her boyfriend should talk like when the time is right, maybe tomorrow.
Jane is sick and probably won't say anything to her bf because it's too much effort.
Jane is eating ice cream and her boyfriend has been sleeping with a coworker for about two months."
"Imagine the first one with a little thought balloon that says "I love that idea so much that I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant"."
"Considering the amount Maynard talks and the amount Salinger doesn't, togrther they average out to one normal person with a reasonable facebook page."
"One out-of-control incident leads to shame and humiliation and fuck it all, who the fuck cares now, might as well write my advice column drunk again because no one noticed the first time, so fuck them too, they must not care about me, and since they don't care about me I must be pretty worthless, and if I'm worthless you're worthless too, you shit, so stop writing me asking for fucking advice, we're all worthless, so what if I start convincing advice-seekers that they are accessories to gang rape, they should have been there to tell me not to write my column drunk and protect me from those Marines and protect me from myself, too."
"List of adjectives used in that opening paragraph:
deep black uncertain gray ominous crashing agonized frightening vital infinite monstrous finned tentacled toxic slimy countless brave sable velveteen precious
This is funny, but I can't quite put my finger on why."
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