Private Hangnail commented on Extreme Dieting Prolongs Your Miserable Life, Say Donut-Munching Scientists

"Subjects 14, 36, 67, and 91, all on the standard diet, were dismembered and consumed by Subject 2, currently on the restricted diet."

Private Hangnail commented on Dead Man Sells Adhesives

"Billy Mays has been preserved, stuffed and fitted with animatronic prostheses."

Private Hangnail commented on The American President is an Ass Man, Apparently

"Gosh, Chelsea Clinton really filled out."

Private Hangnail commented on Fox News Can't Quite Get Its Head Around CNN's Wall of Wonder

"Fox doesn't need this technology to satisfy viewers, really."

Private Hangnail commented on College Kids All Racist In Their Own Special Ways

"If you are Samoan your roommate will be confused as to whether or not it's racist to eat Spam or wear a lei in your presence."

Private Hangnail commented on Lonely and Miserable Actress Sits in Pretend Car at Sad Single Ladies Jail

"Actress Fails to Understand Why One-Woman Remake of Thelma and Louise is Doomed to Fail."

Private Hangnail commented on The Safety of Glass

"Looking down from a great height like that gives me the feeling that my intestines want to escape my body via my genitals."

Private Hangnail commented on Robert Pattinson Knocking Up Kristen Stewart Means Nothing Will Be the Same

"But will the infant sparkle?"

Private Hangnail commented on Sarah Palin Consulted with Cheney and Giuliani Before Quitting

"@skahammer: I don't know."

Private Hangnail commented on Fat Men + Skinny Jeans= Salvation

"Why not just add an elastic waistband and comfort pleats?"