<![CDATA[Comments from Screen Name]]> http://cache.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Comments from Screen Name]]> http://gawker.com/people/extraderrida http://gawker.com/people/extraderrida Screen Name commented on Two New Shows About Call Girls I'm looking forward to this summer's surefire comedic blockbuster, Penny Booker: High-Class Hooker, a spinoff from Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.

]]> http://gawker.com/372056/two-new-shows-about-call-girls#c4863167 http://gawker.com/372056/two-new-shows-about-call-girls#c4863167 Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:41:13 EDT Screen Name commented on CNN Launches A Comedy News Show I would like to see comedy take over everything because soon people will have had enough comedy. Then, I will open a Stand-Up Serious Club in my brother-in-law's basement where people will go to hear all the hot young rising serious people perform serious routines. But, I would only be running the Stand-Up Serious club as part of a hilarious complex practical joke I am playing on my brother-in-law that is really only funny to me, so I guess in the end that makes me a bit of a hypocrite.

]]> http://gawker.com/371996/cnn-launches-a-comedy-news-show#c4862466 http://gawker.com/371996/cnn-launches-a-comedy-news-show#c4862466 Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:18:41 EDT Screen Name commented on Watch Your Favorite Countries Get Ignored By The News In Brilliant Technicolor Call me a dreamer, but I would really like to see a three-dimensional map that represents each country with a color based on geographic location and political boundaries including life size topographical features. It would be helpful if this map also came with a key indentifying liquor stores and pubs.

]]> http://gawker.com/371958/watch-your-favorite-countries-get-ignored-by-the-news-in-brilliant-technicolor#c4860482 http://gawker.com/371958/watch-your-favorite-countries-get-ignored-by-the-news-in-brilliant-technicolor#c4860482 Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:11:46 EDT Screen Name commented on Does Every Store Clerk in SoHo Have to be a Total Bitch? I too have found it difficult to return unused items to SoHo businesses, especially the restaurants. They also really frown on exchanges, even when you return the duck confit with a better sauce that made yourself.

]]> http://gawker.com/371965/does-every-store-clerk-in-soho-have-to-be-a-total-bitch#c4860075 http://gawker.com/371965/does-every-store-clerk-in-soho-have-to-be-a-total-bitch#c4860075 Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:57:54 EDT Screen Name commented on Touré Has Lost Any Possible Street Cred He should just be happy he doesn't live across the street from a Google Maps House.

]]> http://gawker.com/371485/toureacute-has-lost-any-possible-street-cred#c4841010 http://gawker.com/371485/toureacute-has-lost-any-possible-street-cred#c4841010 Mon, 24 Mar 2008 15:07:48 EDT Screen Name commented on Guess The Context! Police Bust Celebrity Fetal Cosmetics Harvesting Ring?

]]> http://gawker.com/371483/guess-the-context#c4840224 http://gawker.com/371483/guess-the-context#c4840224 Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:34:34 EDT Screen Name commented on How to Explain a Recession @Nard38: Consequently, I'm seriously considering pulling my account from my broker, Fourteen Inch Rectumstretcher & Sons.

]]> http://gawker.com/371394/how-to-explain-a-recession#c4839956 http://gawker.com/371394/how-to-explain-a-recession#c4839956 Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:23:37 EDT Screen Name commented on A Drug Deal Caught From Every Angle I find it incredible that in this day and age everyone just assumes that a group of young black men standing around on a street corner in Chicago would not want to be photographed by the Google Maps VW while selling crack.

]]> http://gawker.com/5004469/a-drug-deal-caught-from-every-angle#c4839492 http://gawker.com/5004469/a-drug-deal-caught-from-every-angle#c4839492 Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:03:12 EDT Screen Name commented on The Media Wants You Fat And Broke! A cautionary tale, to be sure. Absuing steroids apparently caused that guy's left arm to grow a blond head.

]]> http://gawker.com/371415/the-media-wants-you-fat-and-broke#c4838548 http://gawker.com/371415/the-media-wants-you-fat-and-broke#c4838548 Mon, 24 Mar 2008 13:19:28 EDT Screen Name commented on Live Fast, Die Old If I owned a fast food restaurant, I would seriously consider having myself cryogenically deep-fried until science discovers a cure for male pattern baldness.

]]> http://gawker.com/371379/live-fast-die-old#c4836802 http://gawker.com/371379/live-fast-die-old#c4836802 Mon, 24 Mar 2008 11:53:00 EDT Screen Name commented on Bullying Article Encourages Bullying Of The 'Times' This unfortunate situation could easily be resolved by Billy's parents if they would take 10 minutes out of their day to fill out some simple paperwork at the local courthouse legally changing his name to "Bully" Wolfe.

Later, back at school, Bully (was: Billy) would show the legal paperwork to the bullies. "Looks like I'm the Bully now," he would say with a triumphant laugh. Being confronted by a real Bully, the mean kids would then be forced into an unfamiliar existential crisis. See? Problem solved.

]]> http://gawker.com/371328/bullying-article-encourages-bullying-of-the-times#c4836471 http://gawker.com/371328/bullying-article-encourages-bullying-of-the-times#c4836471 Mon, 24 Mar 2008 11:36:17 EDT Screen Name commented on Every Profession Must Have Its Reality Show I would like to see a show called America's Next Top Customer, Client, Shopper and Patient. That way all professions and jobs could be featured at the same time.

]]> http://gawker.com/350721/every-profession-must-have-its-reality-show#c3962248 http://gawker.com/350721/every-profession-must-have-its-reality-show#c3962248 Wed, 30 Jan 2008 15:02:23 EST Screen Name commented on Obama Will Change America Right Back To 1960 The one thing I remember most vividly about the 1960s is dad warning us about relying on Uncle Sam. Sure enough, when mom and dad went on that trip, Uncle Sam was real nice to us at first. But then he started drinking too much and bringing home strange women. Later, he grew a beard, died his hair white and started dressing up in a red, white and blue tuxedo with a matching top hat, running around and pointing his finger at us, yelling, "I want you to join the Army!"
We laughed and were like, "Yeah, right. Whatever, Uncle Sam."
Wait, no, actually that might just be a poster I saw once.

]]> http://gawker.com/350669/obama-will-change-america-right-back-to-1960#c3959627 http://gawker.com/350669/obama-will-change-america-right-back-to-1960#c3959627 Wed, 30 Jan 2008 13:31:27 EST Screen Name commented on Snootastic 'Metropolitan Diary' One-Liners After removing all the scumbag's identifying jewelry and tossing it down a storm drain, I helped Detective Byrne fold the dead guy in half and stuff him in the barrel, straining my back and getting blood all over my... oh, sorry, I thought this was Metropolitan Police Diary.

]]> http://gawker.com/5002614/snootastic-metropolitan-diary-one+liners#c3919992 http://gawker.com/5002614/snootastic-metropolitan-diary-one+liners#c3919992 Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:40:16 EST Screen Name commented on <i>New Yorker</i>'s Hilton Als Totally Wants to Get With Vanna White Unfortunate usage of "Barthesian blank" in an article written after 1974. He could have "younged it down" about 20 years by opting for the following:

"White is the perfect Derridean text, offering up the illusion of control and sign stability while simultaneously undermining it; a radical turning of letters that shifts meaning away from the game's center, the word she is revealing, to a different signifier, the transfer of capital, a transfer which occurs outside the text, incapable of subjugating it as is always the goal of capital, and unable to disturb the spectacle of the feminine form as a product to be consumed; for the contestant/reader, White is unattainable."

]]> http://gawker.com/5002602/new-yorkers-hilton-als-totally-wants-to-get-with-vanna-white#c3912816 http://gawker.com/5002602/new-yorkers-hilton-als-totally-wants-to-get-with-vanna-white#c3912816 Mon, 28 Jan 2008 09:26:08 EST Screen Name commented on Roger Stone Finds His Voice Bored Infighters Tackling Clinton Hegemony.
Jesus, Stone, at least try, man!

]]> http://gawker.com/348726/roger-stone-finds-his-voice#c3871868 http://gawker.com/348726/roger-stone-finds-his-voice#c3871868 Thu, 24 Jan 2008 17:16:48 EST Screen Name commented on Roger Stone Finds His Voice Hours? Really?
Band of Idiots Trying to Crush Hillary?
Brotherhood of Interventionists and Total Clinton Haters?
It's not that hard.

]]> http://gawker.com/348726/roger-stone-finds-his-voice#c3871721 http://gawker.com/348726/roger-stone-finds-his-voice#c3871721 Thu, 24 Jan 2008 17:11:48 EST Screen Name commented on Florida's First Epstein Sex Suit Filed! "Hello, you've touched the voice mail of Jeffrey Epstein, I - wait, did I say touched? I meant reached. Haha. You've reached the voice muscle - mail! voiceMAIL of Jeffrey Epstein. I... uh... I can't come to the towel. Hahaha. Towel. I can't come to the phone right now so please leave me a massage. Message! Damnit! I meant message. Obviously. Message. So, right. That's... just... I'll wait for your message then and get back in touch... or, maybe not touch, I don't mean...[sigh]... Christ."

]]> http://gawker.com/348644/floridas-first-epstein-sex-suit-filed#c3868071 http://gawker.com/348644/floridas-first-epstein-sex-suit-filed#c3868071 Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:20:03 EST Screen Name commented on The Curse Of Forbes Breaking... Competing Wall Street Banks to Launch Incomprehensible Joint Venture to Bail Out Something You've Never Heard of Threatening to Do Something You Don't Understand to Something You Don't Care About

]]> http://gawker.com/5002483/the-curse-of-forbes#c3846083 http://gawker.com/5002483/the-curse-of-forbes#c3846083 Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:53:55 EST Screen Name commented on No Country For Old Character Actors Tough blow for the Whig Party.

]]> http://gawker.com/347715/no-country-for-old-character-actors#c3829527 http://gawker.com/347715/no-country-for-old-character-actors#c3829527 Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:39:16 EST Screen Name commented on How Barnes & Noble Will Kill Your Sophomore Effort This might explain my disastrous horoscope, "Everyone Worth Knowing," by Lauren Weisberger.

]]> http://gawker.com/5002437/how-barnes--noble-will-kill-your-sophomore-effort#c3825804 http://gawker.com/5002437/how-barnes--noble-will-kill-your-sophomore-effort#c3825804 Tue, 22 Jan 2008 14:27:53 EST Screen Name commented on Mad Cramer What people like Jim Cramer fail to tell the general investing public is that something as simple as a single styrofoam cup of coffee a day would in 40 years turn into the equivalent of $381,437 in the stock market. Clearly, this demonstrates that the best retirement plan is to avoid stocks and hoard styrofoam cups.

]]> http://gawker.com/5002372/mad-cramer#c3782532 http://gawker.com/5002372/mad-cramer#c3782532 Fri, 18 Jan 2008 13:43:36 EST Screen Name commented on Andy Dick Has A Rare Good Hair Day Ok, I'll leave my seeing-crack dog outside.

]]> http://gawker.com/346542/andy-dick-has-a-rare-good-hair-day#c3781019 http://gawker.com/346542/andy-dick-has-a-rare-good-hair-day#c3781019 Fri, 18 Jan 2008 12:42:37 EST Screen Name commented on Lindsay Lohan To Spend 8 Hours In the Land of the Dead @In Other News...: "exsanugination"! Excellent.

]]> http://gawker.com/5002362/lindsay-lohan-to-spend-8-hours-in-the-land-of-the-dead#c3776348 http://gawker.com/5002362/lindsay-lohan-to-spend-8-hours-in-the-land-of-the-dead#c3776348 Fri, 18 Jan 2008 08:33:58 EST Screen Name commented on Does Nabokov Have To Come Back from the Grave and Burn His Unfinished Manuscript Himself? @Colonel Mustard: You are right. And not only do people not read anymore, they don't listen either, so if you think about it everything should pretty much work itself out in the end.

]]> http://gawker.com/346088/does-nabokov-have-to-come-back-from-the-grave-and-burn-his-unfinished-manuscript-himself#c3762593 http://gawker.com/346088/does-nabokov-have-to-come-back-from-the-grave-and-burn-his-unfinished-manuscript-himself#c3762593 Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:48:53 EST Screen Name commented on "The fact is that people don't read anymore" This is good news for my new chain of Sentence stores. Way smaller than books and much easier to transport and store (many customers prefer to just memorize their sentences), Sentence stores will render modern day book stores obsolete.

No, I am not worried about competition from smaller Sentence Fragment stands, because Sentence Fragments are so easily counterfeited. Who knows what you are buying from one of those outfits?

]]> http://gawker.com/5002339/the-fact-is-that-people-dont-read-anymore#c3762391 http://gawker.com/5002339/the-fact-is-that-people-dont-read-anymore#c3762391 Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:42:34 EST Screen Name commented on Fox News Fuses Football and Politics on Super Bowl Sunday @Clarence Rosario: Or for the halftime show when the Republican candidates present their third quarter stimulus pacakges?

]]> http://gawker.com/5002329/fox-news-fuses-football-and-politics-on-super-bowl-sunday#c3756661 http://gawker.com/5002329/fox-news-fuses-football-and-politics-on-super-bowl-sunday#c3756661 Thu, 17 Jan 2008 09:56:24 EST Screen Name commented on Sam Zell's Awesome Handbook for Tribune Employees Somewhat problematic is the fact that working in a "loose, non-linear atmopshere" means employees can potentially be fired for thunderstorms.

]]> http://gawker.com/5002328/sam-zells-awesome-handbook-for-tribune-employees#c3756524 http://gawker.com/5002328/sam-zells-awesome-handbook-for-tribune-employees#c3756524 Thu, 17 Jan 2008 09:48:34 EST Screen Name commented on Middle-Class Writers Should Just Shut Up! Clearly, Julie Burchill thinks it was easy growing up Toytown, and in a sense it was, at least until the Great Battery Famine. After that, many of us living in Toytown migrated to Toy Cardboard Boxburgh, and I guess that's when the drinking began.

]]> http://gawker.com/5002330/middle+class-writers-should-just-shut-up#c3756423 http://gawker.com/5002330/middle+class-writers-should-just-shut-up#c3756423 Thu, 17 Jan 2008 09:41:05 EST Screen Name commented on Jenny 8. Lee's Acknowledgments Could Use a Good Edit I was able to get around this issue by working with a savvy editor to refocus the plot of my debut book, "Acknowledgements: People I Would Like to Thank." My second book, "People Who Screwed Me Over During the Writing of Acknowledgements: People I Would Like to Thank," covers similar themes, but is a bit more direct.

]]> http://gawker.com/345570/jenny-8-lees-acknowledgments-could-use-a-good-edit#c3741209 http://gawker.com/345570/jenny-8-lees-acknowledgments-could-use-a-good-edit#c3741209 Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:01:41 EST Screen Name commented on 'Times' Explains What Sidekicks Are And Why Yours Will Be Stolen My Blackberry was stolen on the subway a few years ago. I immediately ran to a phone and called my number to try to convince the mugger to forward me all the information stored in my phone. To my surprise, he agreed. So I pressed the issue and asked if maybe he'd consider also forwarding me any new emails or messages as they come in, you know, just temporarily. To my surprise, he agreed to this as well. I suppose that through the interaction with all my messages, the voice mail summaries, calendar memos, we sort of bonded. Long story short, that mugger is now my secretary, and now I don't have to carry a Blackberry or Sidekick! However, I have noticed a significant increase in office supply expenses.

]]> http://gawker.com/345205/times-explains-what-sidekicks-are-and-why-yours-will-be-stolen#c3725243 http://gawker.com/345205/times-explains-what-sidekicks-are-and-why-yours-will-be-stolen#c3725243 Tue, 15 Jan 2008 17:23:28 EST Screen Name commented on Cruise Biographer Declares Self Responsible @Colonel Mustard: That too. And they haven't even launched an inquisition yet.

]]> http://gawker.com/345164/cruise-biographer-declares-self-responsible#c3722505 http://gawker.com/345164/cruise-biographer-declares-self-responsible#c3722505 Tue, 15 Jan 2008 15:48:37 EST Screen Name commented on Cruise Biographer Declares Self Responsible To be fair, Scientology is only about 50 years old, and its growth severely hampered by L. Ron Hubbard's unfortunate decision to allow himself to be photographed so frequently while wearing an ascot, or, as some refer to it, a day cravat. It took a couple of hundred years for Christianity to get kick started. I would guess that had Jesus favored an ascot things would be pretty, pretty different today.

]]> http://gawker.com/345164/cruise-biographer-declares-self-responsible#c3721845 http://gawker.com/345164/cruise-biographer-declares-self-responsible#c3721845 Tue, 15 Jan 2008 15:28:11 EST Screen Name commented on MSNBC Shills For Hill? All I can say is be very careful with wesbite links to donation pages. I remember once reading a story on MSNBC's website about the pancreas, followed some links in the article, and, well, now I don't have a pancreas.

]]> http://gawker.com/345156/msnbc-shills-for-hill#c3721554 http://gawker.com/345156/msnbc-shills-for-hill#c3721554 Tue, 15 Jan 2008 15:17:34 EST Screen Name commented on Study: Indians Gave You Syphilis Perhaps this news will hasten the return of the Cigar Store Syphilis.

]]> http://gawker.com/345109/study-indians-gave-you-syphilis#c3720043 http://gawker.com/345109/study-indians-gave-you-syphilis#c3720043 Tue, 15 Jan 2008 14:28:53 EST Screen Name commented on Air While previewing the product, my overly-aggressive typing punched holes in the laptop clean through the ultra-thin back. While this created a neat bowling ball effect for easy transport, the F, Y, U and K keys no longer functioned properly.
Overall product score: 327

]]> http://gawker.com/5002277/air#c3719693 http://gawker.com/5002277/air#c3719693 Tue, 15 Jan 2008 14:18:40 EST Screen Name commented on Youth Culture To Blame For Mid-Life Crises Says Middle-Aged Man This is yet another example of how baby boomers are ruining everything for the rest of us.

]]> http://gawker.com/5002265/youth-culture-to-blame-for-mid+life-crises-says-middle+aged-man#c3713117 http://gawker.com/5002265/youth-culture-to-blame-for-mid+life-crises-says-middle+aged-man#c3713117 Tue, 15 Jan 2008 09:53:34 EST Screen Name commented on On January 24th, Realize How Unfunny America Has Become They said the same thing about the unknown comedian back when he used to perform on the old Gong Show, and look where he is today.

]]> http://gawker.com/5002260/on-january-24th-realize-how-unfunny-america-has-become#c3712939 http://gawker.com/5002260/on-january-24th-realize-how-unfunny-america-has-become#c3712939 Tue, 15 Jan 2008 09:42:32 EST Screen Name commented on Are We Having Fun Yet? Lee Siegel and the Internets Finally. The world has been waiting since 1436 for someone like Siegel to successfully make this argument.

[en.wikipedia.org]

]]> http://gawker.com/344665/are-we-having-fun-yet-lee-siegel-and-the-internets#c3701819 http://gawker.com/344665/are-we-having-fun-yet-lee-siegel-and-the-internets#c3701819 Mon, 14 Jan 2008 16:14:43 EST Screen Name commented on Breaking: Incident At Trump Tower Soho, One Dead @theobviouschild: Interesting. I saw an episode of the television series Lost with the exact plotline you describe. I'm not so sure the story you've told is completely finished.

]]> http://gawker.com/5002234/breaking-incident-at-trump-tower-soho-one-dead#c3699406 http://gawker.com/5002234/breaking-incident-at-trump-tower-soho-one-dead#c3699406 Mon, 14 Jan 2008 14:47:52 EST