I HAVE THESE THINGS!!!!!

Hello Mid-Day Amusement at the Laundromat.

that's depressing news.

Most people keep a keen eye on their equipment.

That said, junkets suck. But they are so worth the free meal and being able to be done while hungover. then snagging the free diet coke.

But my god, it could've been an awesome short film.

Instead, it was a painful 80 minutes.

Which, undoubtedly, would be more fun drinking along with it--but that'll be for the Sci-Fi Channel and DVD releases.

No. All true.

Worst of all? This was group X of god knows how many.

And it was a 2 Hour, 45 Minute SEMINAR. TO BE A FUCKING CASHIER.

I mean, fuck. Piss test me and make sure I'm not psychotic. But to demand I explain "Why choose Apple" when there's a goddamn depression and recession going on?

Because they pay $14/hr and offer $100 for transportation costs! Shit, that pays for my entire metrocard per month!

Thank you Fevered Dreams/Nikkatsu Co-Production for American Audiences.

You were a great idea.

Gawker Prevails!

Constantly told how lucky we were to even come in for an interview at such a highly valued and respected company.

As the Apple Retail Store is, mind you.

And by god, if the rest of us didn't kowtow, bow and put on fake smiles about how fucking great the Apple store/community is and gosh darn it we'd love to be a part of it.

Best of all? Second interview. It was a group interview.
And it was Interview #2 of 4.
To work at the goddamn Apple Store. As a cashier.

damn!

But with sex.

And vampires.

And DP.

No blood play, though. That shit's gross.

FLACK A: "So, who are we getting?"

FLACK B: "Apparently, he used to edit at Gawker!"

FLACK A: "Wait, it's Choire Sicha?"

FLACK B: "What? No."

FLACK A: "Alex Balk!"

FLACK B:"No."

FLACK A: "...uh...Josh Stein?"

FLACK B: "No."

FLACK A: "...ok, you're sure isn't she?"

FLACK B: "No, they said he."

Suddenly, the door creaks open.

FLACK A:"Here he i--who the hell are you?"

Enter...

LUCAS: "I'm Lucas Woodwater."

FLACK B: "...Who?"

LUCAS: "I edited Screenhead."

FLACK A: "What?"

LUCAS: "...it was the blog that posted the videos."

FLACK B: "You worked at Best Week Ever?"

LUCAS: "No, no. Screenhead."

FLACK A: "We are fucked."

FLACK B: "Utterly."

LUCAS: "So...listen, someone told me you guys were looking to get the word out there. I've heard about this thing called a Dag or something."

FLACK A: "Oh Jesus Christ.

LUCAS: "And, uh..."

FLACK B: "Abrams hired you?"

LUCAS: "What? No, some kid called me and said I had work again. It was great."

[Scene.]

Things can't be that bad, right? Right?

No, really. I want to hear the explanation behind this post.

There's a man going to strap a canister of hydrogen peroxide on his back to cross a gorge. And we're looking at something about the BAFTAs for "Forest Gump: The Agening" ?

Sure, the score could be pretty--but what about the CGI and effects that were especially created FOR this film? That'd be awesome to see more of! Or the fact Paramount is trying to sweep the early negative reviews under the rug!

or...or...or...anything but a link to a flash site with a score that doesn't play. Sigh.

And then he'd make them the managing editor of Screenhead and say they had 4 days to make it a success. Or else they'd be given to Weblogs.