Piers Morgan Signs Off, Has Last Word About Guns

Former CNN muckraker (haha) Piers Morgan bid farewell to his 9pm cable news time slot last night, having been ousted by the network due to flagging viewership of his Piers Morgan Live. The imported Brit dedicated his final segment to his career's latest, greatest cause: U.S. gun control.

Citing the political apathy that's set in following the tragic Aurora and Newtown shootings in 2012, Morgan hung his head with regret. "I assumed that after 70 people were shot in a movie theater and then just a few months later 20 first-graders were murdered with an assault rifle in an elementary school, that the absurd gun laws in this country would change. But nothing has happened."

Morgan, ever the pundit bastard of Churchill, was a piledriver of softballs and rage, depending on the guest. Perhaps the most enduring hallmark of his show, which premiered in January 2011, is Morgan's scrapping with conservative lobbyists and anarchist cokespawn regarding America's permissive gun ownership protections. Piers Morgan was not a fan.

"I've made my point," said Morgan last night. "I've given it tremendous whack. Now it's down to you. It's your country. These are your gun laws."

Morgan's future as a newsman is so far unclear. As for his time slot, several CNN hosts and talk show personalities are rivalling behind the scenes to succeed Piers Morgan Live at 9pm. Frontrunners include Jake Tapper, Don Lemon, and former MSNBC contributor Michael Smerconish. Also, Rosie O'Donnell — wild card, bitches.