As up and down the Mid-Atlantic the rampant, unchecked destruction of Alicia Keys' native habitat barrels on, Page Six brings us a cautionary tale from Flying Point Road in Southampton where, earlier this summer, a sleeping homeowner awoke to find Alicia Keys having a small party in her home.
According to the Post, the woman (speculated to be the wife of billionaire South African mining tycoon Ivan Glasenberg) initially assumed the ruckus that woke her up was that of her young daughter returning home from a cool night out at some of Long Island’s finest nightclubs. When she went downstairs to check, she discovered Alicia Keys, Keys' husband Swizz Beatz and what the Post describes as “a party posse,” hanging out in her kitchen.
A source reportedly told the paper that Keys, who was renting a home nearby, entered the stranger’s house because she was “confused.” Probably what happened is that Alicia Keys was standing the middle of the road eating acorns by moonlight, when an oncoming car frightened her with its headlights. Assuming a terrified Alicia Keys remained frozen in place, the bitter, half-chewed acorns falling from her mouth onto the sandy gravel—plop! ploppity plop!—the car would have had to swerve to avoid hitting her. The noise of the vehicle's squealing tires would likely have startled Keys, sending her (plus Swizz Beats, plus the rest of the "party posse") scrambling up the embankment into the nearest woods, all glass modern contemporary, or other safe space.
Page Six reports that “all parties saw the humor in the mishap,” which is great because if it had happened anywhere other than at this specific, evidently extremely chill residence in the Hamptons, it probably would have ended with multiple arrests and at least one fatality. Alicia Keys was later removed to her own Hamptons reserve, leaving her unwitting hostess with naught but one wacky home invasion story and a small pile of round little deer poops under her kitchen table.
[Image via Getty]