Report: Millennials Have Big Tits

Does the layabout "Millennial" generation, composed primarily of— not to engage in reductive stereotyping—greedy little sellouts, have any redeeming qualities whatsoever? Perhaps.

Millennial monitoring service USA Today reports that boring old bra company Playtex has decided to make lots of money$$$$$$ by selling lots of bra$ to, that's right, the millennials, because bra sales are growing faster among the millennial demographic than among any other demographic, probably because other demographics already have all the bras they need. And if you're going to get into the millennial bra business, this is the most important thing to know:

Fuddy-duddy bras won't cut it with Millennials. But, in a plus for Playtex, they may be a bit bustier than the generation before them. Sales of the larger bra band sizes 44 to 50 jumped 17% from 2011 to 2012, and sales of D-cup and Double-D grew 2% in the same period, reports NPD.

Point the motherfucking first, don't bring any fuddy-duddy styles to this metaphorical table of bras, and point the motherfucking second, make sure you bring the big ones, because millennials are buyin 'em big, because the new generation of breasts appears to be larger, although market researchers cannot definitively say why.

[USA Today. Photo: FB]