Republicans Wail: We Cannot Swallow Any More BallsS

Though Democrats currently control the White House, we must remember that the pendulum will inevitably swing the other way eventually. So it behooves us all to hear the cry of Republicans: "We like balls in our face, yes. But not this many."

This plea for slightly fewer balls comes to us from Peggy Noonan, official spokesperson for the Republican Party and Breathless White Women Who Just Woke Up From an 85-Year Long Laudanum-Induced Slumber. Peggy, who is paid real American currency in exchange for her political newspaper columns, observes today that uh, let's see here... "The persistent blues, the lack of faith, the bet that things won't get better—it just doesn't sound like America." Yes, very well. Her calculations also show that "voters and taxpayers feel bullied, burdened and jerked around, which again is not new but feels more intense every day."

Thank you, Peggy, for that insight. You can take your seat now. No, your seat is over there. That one, yes. With the drink next to it.

Peggy's most valuable insight of all, however, is this "peek behind the curtain" of the Typical Republican Mindstate here in this nation, America, where Ronald Reagan was born:

I think a lot of people right now, certainly Republicans and conservatives, feel like a guy in a batting cage taking ball after ball from an automatic pitching machine. He's hitting the ball and keeping up and suddenly the machine starts going berserk. It's firing five balls a second, then 10. At first he tries to hit a few. Then he's just trying to duck, trying not to get hurt.

That's how people feel about the demands and dictates. The balls keep coming at them politically, locally, culturally.

Republicans—they take ball after ball. Yet the balls keep coming at them. How many balls can Republicans swallow, before they choke?

[Photo: Getty]