This year’s Republican National Convention isn’t what one might call “organized” or “functional” or “attended by people who actually want to be there in any capacity.” But you can almost definitely say that it “is happening.” The RNC still just doesn’t seem to want to tell us when.
Of course, the fact that the RNC just sent out a news blast titled “2016 GOP CONVENTION PROGRAM ANNOUNCED” might seem to indicate otherwise. But take a closer look and you’ll notice that this new “convention program” is actually just a list of speakers scheduled for the 7pm primetime slots.
In other words, there’s still no indication that anyone actually knows what’s happening during the rest of the day. And if they do know, they’re certainly not telling us. The official RNC app only reads “Official Schedule Coming Soon,” which is a marked regression from the previous schedule of dead president George Washington and only dead president George Washington.
Most notable in the “new” program, though, is that Wednesday’s set of speakers (theme: Make America First Again) includes none other than everyone’s favorite foam-lovin’ Miami party boy, Little Marco Rubio. Little Marco isn’t going back on his word not to attend, though; he’ll just be addressing the crowd via video. Because when no one wants to speak at your party, you’ll take whatever the hell you can get.