At 4:20 p.m. on Tuesday, November 5, 2013, a security guard in Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's office commenced a press conference by Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, who smokes crack. Ford told the assembled reporters that he would not step down after admitting to smoking crack. The reporters laughed at him.

"With today's announcement [that I smoke crack]," Ford said, "I know that I embarrassed everyone in this city, and I will be forever sorry. There is only one person to blame for this and that is myself. I know that admitting my mistake was the right thing to do, I fell like 1,000 pounds has been lifted from my shoulders.... Folks, I have nothing left to hide."

And with that, Ford announced that he would stay in his job, that "these mistakes will never, ever, ever happen again," and that he looks forward to running for re-election in 11 months. "God bless the people of Toronto," he concluded, to the stunned laughter of the reporters arrayed before him. Don't smoke crack.