Earlier this month, a man caught and killed a nearly 19-foot, 128-pound Burmese python near Miami. The snake is believe to be the largest ever captured in the state of Florida.

On May 11, Jason Leon spotted roughly three feet of python protruding from some bushes in a rural area of Miami-Dade County. He pulled the 18-foot, 8-inch python to the road, only to lose control of the giant female snake, which quickly wrapped itself around his arms and legs. After calling for help, Leon killed the python with a knife.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission released a statement thanking Leon.

“Jason Leon’s nighttime sighting and capture of a Burmese python of more than 18 feet in length is a notable accomplishment that set a Florida record. The FWC is grateful to him both for safely removing such a large Burmese python and for reporting its capture,” said Kristen Sommers, with FWC, in a release.

Pythons have been a problem in Florida since the 1980s, when residents who adopted them as pets began releasing them into the wild. Many of the snakes also escaped pet stores during Hurricane Andrew in 1992. Without any natural predators, there's nothing to stop the pythons from decimating local wildlife. As a result, Florida sponsors events like the “2013 Python Challenge" to combat the giant reptiles.

Florida's previous record for largest Burmese python was set last August when a 17-foot, 7-inch female was caught and killed in the Everglades. That snake, however, had the edge in weight – 164 pounds versus 128 – perhaps because it was pregnant with over 80 eggs. If you're curious what python eggs look like, here's a picture of 59 still inside a Burmese python captured in 2009.

An Ohio woman with an unfortunate appellation was indicted by a grand jury last week, several months after she allegedly struck and seriously injured a bicyclist while operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol.

Dr. Elizabeth Unk — Dr. Unk to her Delaware County patients — was driving along SR-23 last September when she reportedly hit an individual who was cycling by the side of the road.

Dr. Unk was charged with two misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence and one felony count of aggravated vehicular assault.

The Ohio State Highway Patrol said Dr. Unk's BAC was twice the legal limit.

[H/T: Arbroath, photos via Shutterstock, 10TV]

Last night on The Simpsons, four Moe's Tavern regulars won the Springfield Lottery, a $200,000 prize to be split among Homer, Lenny, Carl, and Moe—except that Carl disappeared with the winning ticket. As they searched Carlson's apartment for clues, Moe wished his former friend a particularly unlovely fate, which you can see in the above clip: death by urinal at the Gathering of the Juggalos.

Related! Insane Clown Posse are currently on tour in support of their most recent record, The Mighty Death Pop, on a national trek that brings them to Kansas and Utah this week, Seattle this weekend, followed by dates in Arizona and California. You really should see ICP live at least once.

No, really.

A massive, mile-wide tornado touched down in Moore, Oklahoma Monday afternoon, killing at least 51 people, including 20 children. A reporter from local news station KFOR supposedly called it "the biggest, most destructive tornado in the history of the world," and estimated it was two to three times the magnitude of the massive tornados that hit Oklahoma in 1999.

Updates to come.

Updates:

12:51 AM EST: CNN is reporting that 40 additional bodies are being taken to the Oklahoma state medical examiner's office, bringing the death toll to 91.

12:20 AM EST: A video showing the devastation in Moore after the tornado.

11:40 PM EST: President Obama has signed a major disaster declaration for Oklahoma.

11:23 PM EST: This is reportedly video of a family emerging from their storm cellar after the tornado.

11:07 PM EST: Here's video of the tornado as it lands near Moore, Oklahoma.

10:40 PM EST: CNN is now reporting that 20 children were killed in the storm.

10:33 PM EST: Local hospitals report at least 145 injuries, 70 of them children. Of the 51 confirmed deaths, seven were children, according to an Oklahoma City police spokesperson. Those numbers are, unfortunately, expected to rise. A spokesperson for the Oklahoma City medical examiner reportedly told Fox News that she's expecting the bodies of 20 children.

Below: a photo of volunteers searching for survivors.

10:02 PM EST: This is reportedly a photo of the tornado as it hit Moore.

A photo students being led to safety from Briarwood Elementary.

9:22 PM EST: Another photo of the damage, from ABC News' Ginger Lee.

9:09 PM EST: The Oklahoma state medical examiner's office is reporting at least 51 killed, including several children, according to the Associated Press.

Below a woman is rescued from the debris at Plaza Towers School.

And a teacher hugs a student outside of Briarwood Elementary School.

8:55 PM EST: KFOR footage shows entire neighborhoods rendered unrecognizable.

8:53 PM EST: The AP is reporting that more than 120 tornado victims, including around 70 children, are being treated in local hospitals.

8:49 PM EST: Interested in knowing why the American Midwest gets so many tornadoes? Here's the science.

8:36 PM EST: KFOR meteorologist Mike Morgan called today's storm a "worst-case scenario," saying it "went from nothing to an F-5 in less than an hour." Morgan calling this an F-5, the largest kind of tornado, goes against the National Weather Service's classification of it as an F-4. Morgan also said the storm was two and a quarter miles wide.

8:30 PM EST: President Obama has told FEMA to ready itself to assist Oklahoma with its recovery.

8:25 PM EST: The Oklahoma City medical examiner is reporting at least 37 killed, according to NBC. Glenn Lewis, mayor of Moore, Oklahoma, described his city as looking like "a debris field."

8:15 PM EST: The Red Cross has a shelter opening for those in need:

Please RT:Shelter opening at:St. Andrews Church, SW 119 & S May. Location will also serve as reunification site.

— Red Cross Oklahoma (@redcrossokc) May 20, 2013

8:00 PM EST: KFOR reports that seven children have been found drowned in Plaza Towers Elementary School and as many as 30 others are elsewhere in the rubble.

7:55 PM EST: The National Weather Service has issued an early finding that today's tornado was an EF-4, the second most powerful classification on the enhanced Fujita scale. CBS News has put together a rundown of history's largest tornadoes to give some context to that rating.

7:53 PM EST: Authorities are racing to complete as much of their recovery efforts as possible before night falls, which will severely impede their abilities.

7:46 PM EST: KFOR's meteorologist estimates that today's storm was roughly three times the size of the May 3, 1999, storm that previously damaged swaths of Oklahoma.

7:39 PM EST: KFOR reports that authorities are now looking for two dozen children amid the wreckage at Plaza Towers Elementary School. The mission has changed from "search and rescue" to "search and recover."

7:37 PM EST: A horrifying 28 seconds of amateur footage:

7:32 PM EST: Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin has reportedly dispatched 80 National Guard service members to assist with rescue efforts.

7:29 PM EST: KFOR reports that "dozens" are currently seeking medical attention in area hospitals. There are still only six confirmed deaths, but that number is expected to rise.

7:27 PM EST: Image of the damage via the Oklahoma County Sheriff's Department:

7:20 PM EST: An unidentified child is lifted from the rubble at Plaza Towers:

7:13 PM EST: A heroic teacher at Plaza Towers Elementary School reportedly threw her body over several children in an effort to protect them as the storm struck a direct blow on the school.

7:12 PM EST: CNN is reporting at least six fatalities:

#BREAKING: At least six dead in Oklahoma City tornado: CNN

— Agence France-Presse (@AFP) May 20, 2013

7:07 PM EST: More neighborhood devastation from David Massey:

7:05 PM EST: The National Weather Service has confirmed that winds in Moore this afternoon got up to 200 miles per hour, according to KFOR.

6:59 PM EST: Storm chaser footage from the ground this afternoon:

6:55 PM EST: KFOR is reporting just four fatalities right now: Three adults and an infant reporter Meg Alexander saw pulled from the rubble of a building.

6:52 PM EST: This time-lapse video of the storm's progression is terrifying:

6:50 PM EST: Local CBS affiliate KWTV reports that all the children at the second elementary school hit by today's tornado have been accounted for:

UPDATE:All kids accounted for at Briarwood Elementary school in Moore, OK.Minor injuries reported at the school.news9.com

— News 9 (@NEWS9) May 20, 2013

6:45 PM EST: KFOR is now reporting that the storm could have been more than two miles wide at its largest.

6:41 PM EST: Oklahoma City police tell the AP that downed power lines and open gas lines pose risks in the storm's aftermath.

6:35 PM EST: KFOR reporter Lance West got choked up while reporting in the wake of the twister, describing it as "absolute chaos" and "the most horrific I've ever seen":

6:30 PM EST: KFOR footage of Plaza Towers Elementary School, which reportedly had 75 children and faculty members in it prior to the storm, shows that the building is now ruined:

6:15 PM EST: The main entrance to the local hospital is a mess:

6:10 PM EST: CBS News now says that the tornado was a full mile-wide and that local hospitals are reporting "multiple deaths."

6:07 PM EST: KFOR's Lance West reports that the storm laid to waste at least two schools, a movie theater, and a mobile home park. One of the schools, Plaza Towers, was said to be housing 75 students in its south wing when the storm hit. Emergency teams are now digging through the debris looking for survivors.

6:03 PM EST: Resident David Massey's Vine gives just a glimpse of some of the total devastation:

[Image via KFOR]

Everyone, from the dandiest Diddy to the poorest party spangler’s daughter loves Downton Abbey. Every week, we gather ‘round our television sets to watch our favorite characters die. “Why can’t I be a servant in the post-Edwardian era?” we cry as we watch the sallow-cheeked wait staff eat up screen time that should be devoted to the Grantham family’s glamorous problems. “Oh,” we gasp, when Lady Mary emerges in yet another devastating satin gown, “I wish I were a maid!”

Now, for a mere $1,000, our dishwater dreams can come true.

Those who aspire to a life of servitude (yet find themselves bound by the trappings of a hefty disposable income) are encouraged to place a bid on a unique, bizarre item up for auction to benefit New York’s Origin Theater Company: a topsy-turvy evening acting as a kind of servant for actor Brendan Coyle, better known as Mr. Bates (still better known as “Mehhhstah Behhhts”), Downton's often-maligned butler.

Here is the official description from the auction website. The intended effect seems to be that you will experience life as a menial employee for Coyle, but it also sort of sounds like you are Pretty Woman-ing him. I guess interpret it however fits your fancy:

The winner of the table-turning prize will read poetry to Coyle in a horse-drawn carriage ride in Central Park, and then take Coyle to dinner at the super fancy Per Se at the Time Warner Center, all the while making sure that Coyle's every need is taken care of. The bidder will offer to share their dessert with Coyle, and, after dinner will make sure Coyle gets home safely by depositing him in a cab and shutting the door for him. Coyle will then let the bidder know that he has arrived safely at his hotel.

Those who want to meet Brendan Coyle but are less eager to share their desserts with him can bid on a separate thousand-dollar item consisting of a normal old lunch in London.

Or you can buy both, do the New York one first, and then meet him for lunch in London yelling, “MY, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED. REGARD ME NOW AS AN EQUAL.”

[Image via Getty // h/t Vanity Fair]

To contact the author of this post, email caity@gawker.com.

"Who did it? Do it again, you fuck, and you're fucked!" the unidentified man, said to be a relative of the Bat Mitzvah family, can be heard yelling. "The driver will kill you! He will kill you! One more time, you will die, you will bleed, out of your fucking nose! That's right I'm spitting in your fucking eye! Ever do that again and you will die, got it? DEATH! You fuck! You spoiled fuck! Spoiled fuck! Do it again, and you're dead."

It went on like that for a while.

A parent of one of the children aboard the bus later reported that the angry chaperone appeared to be intoxicated.

Scarsdale10583.com says all parents received a decidedly unapologetic email from the parents of the Bat Mitzvah girl, claimed the man — referred to as a "counselor" — was responding to "a serious safety issue," and was merely concerned that "the safety of the children could be compromised."

The email concluded: "We are very sorry if any of your children were upset by what happened."

As it turns out, many of the children were upset, and the parents are still waiting for a proper apology.

[audio via Scarsdale10583.com]

De Leeuw was introducing a band of women who founded a charity that facilitates milk exchanges between mothers who have too much and those who have too little, when he suddenly inquired of his guests if he can have a taste.

"How does it taste, nice and sweet?" de Leeuw asked.

One of the women who brought a bottle of her milk offered some to de Leeuw, who declined, asking instead who among them would be willing to let him drink from the source.

"Well, if you don't bite you may try it," said a volunteer.

Proving he wasn't joking, the comedian then approached the woman, and proceeded to place his mouth on her nipple.

After a few long sips, de Leeuw retracted his face — only to lunge at the second breast.

"I find the second one better tasting, but I can taste that you've eaten asparagus yesterday," de Leeuw said after his taste test. "Well, not yesterday but Tuesday," the woman responded.

Defending her decision to allow de Leeuw to get up close and personal, the participant, Wendy, told her Twitter critics that "it was for a good cause."

De Leuuw — a Knight of the Order of the Netherlands Lion, by the way — has already moved on to his next stunt: Going full-frontal on his other TV show.

[H/T: Reddit, video via YouTube]

Despite all the excited shouting, there's nothing particularly cheerful about Yahoo's maternal adoption of David Karp. Users are whining, investors are disappointed, pundits are ever-unimpressed, and Karp just gave up the future of his life's work for a bailout.

Yes, it was a billion-dollar bailout. But Tumblr was supposed to never be for sale: "I'm much more enchanted with the notion of something that's employing me in 15 years rather than something that we flip in a year," Karp said in an interview half a decade ago. That's a noble, admirable hope, coming from a young high-school dropout: Money won't matter. Karp's vision for Tumblr—and he loved to talk about his vision—was an artistic utopia, a marketing-free commune of self-expression. Never mind how to keep the lights on.

As time went by, Karp went from saying he wasn't "motivated" by revenue in that '08 interview to even stronger anti-business proclamations: Advertisements on Tumblr would “turn his stomach.” He most recently, in grownup startup-speak, claimed profitability is "not a metric that is particularly important to [Tumblr]."

In other words, making money is for chumps.

This same guy just cleared, by most estimations, a couple hundred million dollars. In what possible world does that make sense? In our new tech economy, where dreams are better than dollars, it makes perfect sense. Yahoo didn't just buy a company, it validated, to the tune of a billion dollars, the notion that bad business is worth pursuing. The entire concept of what makes something a good idea continues to be inverted, warped, and thrown in a gully. This is the idea economy, remember—the industry of fantasy. It doesn't have to "make sense." Money isn't valuable. Success isn't lucrative. Profit is pointless. These are the industry's norms. All you need do to become a billion-dollar business is make people entertained and vaguely interested.

David Karp did just that. Over 100 million entranced humans blog with Tumblr, and not a single one pays for the privilege. They're free to swap reality show GIFs, aspirational shopping photos, and masturbate, with only the faintest whisper of marketing reaching their ears. Karp's insisted for years that the service be a place that spends money and makes virtually none, all in the name of placated teens. It shows on the balance sheet: Estimates peg the company's annual revenue between five and fifteen million, which for one of the most popular websites in the world, is an unsustainable pittance—more in line with a thriving McDonald's franchiser than a mega-popular web property.

But here we are now, in spite of Karp's GIF-auteur dreams, his users' revelry, and his investors' greed—yes, they hoped for a hell of a lot more than a billion dollars. None of them would have prayed for a buy by Yahoo unless they truly needed it. They did need it. Money has a strange way of catching up with you in the real world—especially running out of it. A source with close ties to Tumblr told us that the company only had enough cash to last another six months before going broke, at which point its investors would've floated it only in exchange for serious changes—changes that headstrong Karp would have of course balked at. Changes that ultra-idealistic Zuckerberg accepted, along with adulthood, in order to keep his dream decidedly his, in order to avoid selling to, say, Yahoo.

Karp never grew up. Now Yahoo will own Tumblr, and Karp will be an immensely rich 20-something, because he refused to demonstrate that his company is worth anything, or cooperate with anyone. We've been told time and time again that he's a nightmare to work with, forcing out those he disagrees with, fearful of his coworkers, and too scared to share control of Tumblr with any of them. The company doesn't trust him to speak without supervision. This isn't, then, so much of an acquisition, as an ending—as neat an ending as anyone could hope:

Karp is now a millionaire, and will, eventually, yield to Yahoo as it pushes more ads on his blogchild.

Tumblr's users are cranky for reasons they can't really explain, but they will get used to a new Tumblr that pushes more ads in front of their eyes.

Tumbr's investors will just have to make do with the millions of dollars they're making—instead of some drooling figure ten times that amount—and perhaps not invest in a company that doesn't try to make money next time around. But at least they finally detached themselves from Karp.

Yahoo gets headlines for a couple weeks.

What do the rest of us get? A chance to live in a world where common sense has been thoroughly disrupted. We get a publicly traded company that decides to buy into irresponsibility and financial self-destruction. Real winners don't have to figure out how to make money—they just stall until Yahoo hands it to them.

Anthony Nicolas Orban already killed himself in jail, but the justice system isn't done with the evil California cop who abducted a diner waitress at gunpoint and raped her behind a storage shed in a seedy Inland Empire town.

Orban was a police detective in the Orange County sprawl town of Westminster. But on the night of April 3, 2010, he was out boozing and "stalking cute girls" in an Ontario mall diner with his prison guard buddy, Jeff Thomas Jelinek.

They followed a waitress out to her car, and Jelinek laughed while Orban pulled a gun on the 25-year-old and hopped in, forcing her to drive to a desolate stretch of Base Line Road. That's where Orban made her pull over and began the hour-plus vicious nightmare of rape, sodomy, forced oral sex and savage beatings in the back seat next to her child's car seat.

He couldn't keep his erection and resorted to punching her in the face and jamming his gun in her mouth. Then he took pictures on his phone and sent them to Jelinek, who is now serving five years in the very prison system where he used to be a guard.

Orban was found guilty despite his lawyer's attempt at a "Zoloft Defense," because the former Marine had been on the antidepressant for a while and absurdly claimed he had no memory of his daylong drinking session with his prison guard roommate and the brutal rape that followed. Orban texted details of the kidnapping and rape to his prison-guard roommate during the 72-minute assault.

When Orban tired of this, he threatened to kill his victim in the desert but instead called Jelinek for a ride home. Orban then reported his police department service revolver missing. It was still in the victim's car.

Last October, before sentencing and just before Halloween, Orban hanged himself in jail.

"I can't comprehend how you can go ahead and sentence someone who is dead," Orban's attorney, James Blatt, said in court last week.

Judge Shahla S. Shabet answered that the case needs to be resolved with either dismissal or sentencing. And the victim, now 27, would very much like to see the monster sentenced.

It has yet to be decided if the evil cop will be dug up and brought to the courtroom to hear his prison sentence, but California penal system overcrowding will likely make the imprisonment of Orban's corpse unlikely.

[Photo via Ontario Police Department.]

Rolling Stone

Gus Wenner, 22, is an amazing media success story. Just a few years ago, he was a Brown University student playing in a band with fellow celebukid Brown student Scout Willis. Today, he's still playing in a band with Scout Willis— and also running the website of a major national magazine! Gus's dad, Jann (the boss of the place, coincidentally) sent this email out to Rolling Stone staffers today:

Date: Monday, May 20, 2013 2:52 PM
Subject: Gus Wenner

It's Pussy versus Butts in a race to the bottom next Election Day in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania's ninth-largest (and capital) city, and a renowned "broke-ass sinkhole of despair."

PennLive reports that a Harrisburg mayoral candidate with a strong DIY-ethic has been charged with criminal mischief and criminal conspiracy after he was caught defacing the signs of a campaign rival earlier this month. With the help of a little black spray paint, a little elbow grease, and a little big SUV with out-of-state plates, seven of candidate Eric Papenfuse's "PAPENFUSE FOR MAYOR" signs were altered to read "PAPENPUSS! FOR MAYOR." Note the jaunty exclamation point for flair.

The candidate who defaced the signs was caught in the act by a taxi driver, who followed him to multiple locations as he and an unidentified accomplice made their "PUSS!" joke again and again. The cabbie took down the vandals' license plate number; it was later traced to a car owned by the candidate's sister.

PennLive called the effect on the outcome of the election "negligible" as the offending candidate "was polling somewhere between zero and 2 percent." One of the platforms outlined on his official website (which features, as a banner image, greenish portraits of Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, and Harriet Tubman) reads, in part:

"Harrisburg has a lot of Glorious Architecture. Let's add more architecture."

Dauphin County's District Attorney speculated that the "PUSS!"-monster would be sentenced to probation for his crime, but receive no jail time.

Incidentally, defacing the vandal-candidate's signs in retaliation is unnecessary, as they have already been painted blue by God: His name is "Lewis Butts."

("Butts!")

[Via PennLive, image via AP]

To contact the author of this post, email caity@gawker.com.

I like pistachio nuts. In fact, I would say that pistachios are the fifth best variety of nut in the whole wide world.

Once you crack that shell, you'll find a tasty nut waiting for you. And they're green, which is fun. I encourage everyone out there to give pistachios a try. I don't think you'll regret it.

I like pistachios so much that I composed a bit of light verse.

"Yo ho ho ho, pistachio

They've got character like Shakespeare's Horatio [pron. "whore-ashy-oh" for the purposes of this verse]

If the death row executioner was coming to smash me, yo

One of my top five hypothetical final meal menus would include a serving o' pistachios."

They're pretty good to eat.

What are the four more superior nuts? Perhaps we'll discuss this topic more in coming weeks.

[Photo: David DeHetre/ Flickr]

A London woman who has been unemployed for the last two years says it's not for lack of trying, but rather for excess — of good looks.

Laura Fernee, who has a PhD in an unspecified field of science, says she had been working at a medical research lab earning £30,000 (~$45,000) a year from 2008 until 2011, when comments from coworkers about her attractive physical appearance became too much and she quit.

"I’m not lazy and I’m no bimbo," Fernee told The Daily Mail. "The truth is my good looks have caused massive problems for me when it comes to employment, so I’ve made the decision that employment just isn’t for me at the moment. It’s not my fault...I can’t help the way I look."

Appearing on ITV's This Morning, Fernee elaborated on her condition, saying the constant attention and "romantic gifts" left her "traumatized."

"In the end, as much as I loved my work, going in to work became very, very difficult because of the psychological impact on me," she said.

Luckily, Fernee had her rich parents to fall back on.

The Daily Mirror reports that wealthy retirees Catherine, 65, and Alan, 70, have been happily covering their daughter's expenses, which include £2,000 (~$3000) for rent and utilities and another £1,500 (~$2280) on clothes.

"I know people will judge me for choosing not to work but they are underestimating just what a curse good looks can be in the workplace," Fernee insists. "Everyone thinks it must be great to be attractive but there are serious downsides."

[H/T: Guyism, screengrabs via ITV]

More than 100 mourners turned up on Saturday night to a candlelight vigil for Mark Carson, the 32-year-old gay man shot and killed by a homophobe early Saturday morning in New York City. Carson's murder, which is being treated as a hate crime, is the latest and most violent in a recent string of anti-gay attacks in the city, a place whose progressive leanings have yet to fully overpower a resilient streak of homophobia.

Carson's alleged killer, 33-year-old Elliot Morales, had been harassing numerous people in the West Village with two friends on Friday night before coming across Carson, who was walking with a friend. "Look at you faggots," Morales said to Carson, reports the New York Daily News. "You look like gay wrestlers."

Carson and his friend briefly confronted Morales before thinking better of it and walking away, according to court records, but Morales followed them and confronted them again, which is when things went from bad to worse. This from the Wall Street Journal:

[Carson's] friend told police that Mr. Morales asked the two, "You all want problems?" and then followed them to Eighth Street, where he confronted them again, asking, "Do you want to die right now?" the official said.

The friend told police he told Mr. Morales, "Do you want to shoot us in front of all these people?" and had taken his phone out, the official said.

Mr. Morales allegedly then asked, "Are you with him?" court records said. Mr. Carson replied, "Yes," at which point Mr. Morales allegedly shot him in the head, the court records said.

Carson was rushed to Beth Israel Hospital, but doctors were unable to save him, and he was pronounced dead at 1:40 AM.

Police say Morales, who had recently been staying with friends in the Rockaways, only got a few blocks from the scene of the crime before they caught up to him, at which point he reportedly threw down his gun and bragged about what he'd done, saying, "I shot him in the face."

Morales is now being charged with second-degree murder as a hate crime. The two men who had been hanging out with him on Friday night were questioned and released.

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Center is holding another vigil and march in response to Carson's attack—and the ones recently preceding it—this afternoon in Manhattan.

[Photos of vigil by Victor Jeffreys]

Many brands would kill for a hugely popular, entirely fan-fueled International "holiday" dedicated to expressing affection for their product by buying it by the boatload.

But Nutella, which had exactly that in World Nutella Day, decided instead to kill it.

The annual celebration of all things Nutella was ordered to cease and desist by Ferrero, the hazelnut spread's manufacturer.

Founder Sara Rosso, who launched World Nutella Day in 2007, announced the news late last week:

On May 25, 2013, I’ll be darkening the World Nutella Day site, nutelladay.com, and all social media presence (Facebook, Twitter), in compliance with a cease-and-desist I received from lawyers representing Ferrero, SpA (makers of Nutella).

Seven years after the first World Nutella Day in 2007, I never thought the idea of dedicating a day to come together for the love of a certain hazelnut spread would be embraced by so many people! I’ve seen the event grow from a few hundred food bloggers posting recipes to thousands of people Tweeting about it, pinning recipes on Pinterest, and posting their own contributions on Facebook! There have been songs sung about it, short films created for it, poems written for it, recipes tested for it, and photos taken for it.

The cease-and-desist letter was a bit of a surprise and a disappointment, as over the years I’ve had contact and positive experiences with several employees of Ferrero, SpA., and with their public relations and brand strategy consultants, and I’ve always tried to collaborate and work together in the spirit and goodwill of a fan-run celebration of a spread I (to this day) still eat.

I have hope that this is not a goodbye to World Nutella Day forever, for the fans’ sake, and hopefully it will live on in one form or another in the future.

Though the Cult of Nutella will undoubtedly survive this bizarre move in the name of "brand equity," many of the snack's devotees took to the World Nutella Day Facebook page to express their outrage.

"Nutella...more nuts in company management than in every jar," wrote one well-liked commenter. Suggested another: "How about 'Spread-That-Must-Not-Be-Named Day'..??"

[photo via Amazon]

Seamless and GrubHub, two nearly identical online food-ordering companies whose business model consists of providing a service that is already available for free, announced Monday that they would be merging into one giant online food-ordering hydra. The new company, which has not yet settled on a name, will enable and promote social anxiety in 500 U.S. cities by eliminating the traumatic element of "human verbal interaction" from pizza delivery. The co-founder and CEO of GrubHub will serve as the CEO of the new Sterling Cooper Draper Seamless Grubhub. The CEO of Seamless will serve as president. If your cat dies, the new organization will probably start a twitter fight with you about it.

Yesterday my cat died.

His name was Houdini because I thought a black cat should have a magical name. We adopted him from the Humane Society when I was 11. My family always said he was lucky because when he was very young, he was hit (and badly injured) by a car, and subsequently disappeared for three days. I suppose you could also say he was unlucky, because when he was very young, he was hit by a car, and subsequently disappeared for three days. A late night emergency surgery left him with a slightly off-kilter gait, but he remained agile and affectionate for the next thirteen years.

Last night, I mentioned his death on Twitter to @Seamless. @Seamless and I had already been chatting because I was trying to game them out of a $7 friend-referral fee. (If you invite a friend to join Seamless using a unique referral code, you can get a $7 coupon. I was trying to get the coupon retroactively, without the code. I didn't particularly expect my petition to be successful, but I had 20 minutes to kill before Mad Men started and they had $7 coups to give away.)

I told @Seamless I was dying and that the only thing that could save me was $7, which wasn't true.

Then I mentioned that my cat had died a few hours prior, which was true. In retrospect, I see how this could read as a lie.

@seamless Don't want 2 put you in an awk position but my cat died today (RIP Houdini) so please be sensitive to that & don't burn me on this

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 20, 2013

Upon hearing this news, @Seamless did an irreverent little dance on the grave of my cat (which, incidentally, was dug by my mom yesterday in the backyard of our home in Pennsylvania).

@caityweaver RIP Houdini :(. Was it his dying wish that you get a $7 coupon?

— Seamless (@Seamless) May 20, 2013

I expressed my surprise at this.

@seamless HOLY FUCKING BALLS ARE YOU REALLY MAKING A JOKE ABOUT MY DEAD CAT RIGHT NOW

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 20, 2013

And @Seamless continued to dance, a wild, dizzy tarantella.

@caityweaver Yeah, did you like it?

— Seamless (@Seamless) May 20, 2013

This...upset me.

@seamless No, I didn't like it.

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 20, 2013

@seamless MY MOM CALLED ME ON.THE PHONE CRYING EARLIER AND HELD HIM WHILE HE DIED

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 20, 2013

@seamless HIS DYING WISH WAS PROBABLY NOT TO BE IN PAIN. THAT WOULD BE MY GUESS.

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 20, 2013

@seamless PENULTIMATE DYING WISH: NOT TO BECOME A PUNCHLINE FOR AN INTERNET FOOD ORDERING COMPANY ON THEIR CORPORATE TWITTER ACCOUNT

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 20, 2013

@seamless RIP HOUDINI. HE DIED AS HE LIVED. HATING SEAMLESS.

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 20, 2013

But @Seamless, was in too deep to ever stop making jokes about my dead cat. It had, by this point, ceased to be a popular internet food ordering company. Its revised mission statement read simply: The dead cat — make fun of it.

@caityweaver That's an oddly specific penultimate dying wish for a cat to have imho

— Seamless (@Seamless) May 20, 2013

@caityweaver Sorry. Not all of our jokes are purrfect. Our thoughts and prayers are with you right meow in this trying time.

— Seamless (@Seamless) May 20, 2013

@Seamless was being a dick.

@seamless MY. CAT. DIED. STOP BEING A DICK.

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 20, 2013

A few minutes after the exchange concluded, I received a DM from @Seamless inviting me to reply with my email address because "You deserve a $7 discount for putting up with me :)"

I declined.

@seamless I would rather you build a time machine, travel back, and un-make fun of my cat's death. Put your $7 toward funding the research.

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 20, 2013

Congrats to Seamless and GrubHub, two companies that POSSIBLY (I mean, I don't know — we have no way of knowing — but it seems incredibly likely) serve chopped up dead cats inside the carne asada tacos you order from them, on their merger.

Update: Before writing this post, I sent an email to Seamless to let them know that my cat REALLY DID DIE yesterday. I've just received a kind apology ("We here at Seamless are deeply sorry for your loss") and an offer of two free meals. Hopefully this lavishly catered memorial buffet will fill the cat-shaped hole in my heart.

To contact the author of this post, email caity@gawker.com.

[Shutterstock/photo by Jim Cooke.]

Update, 4pm: A public-relations firm passes along the following statement on behalf of Voice Media.

Today, the Village Voice regretfully accepted the resignations of food critic Tejal Rao and staff writer Nick Pinto. We thank Rao and Pinto for their excellent work, and wish them the best.

We’ll now continue to focus on rebuilding the Voice to more closely align its superior content and editorial products with the long-term goals of Voice Media Group and the needs of our New York audience.

Interim editor Pete Kotz is already working to fill open positions with fresh talent. Since the job openings were posted Friday at 4pm, more than 100 applications have been received.

Students at Loras College in Dubuque, Iowa, say a lightning strike is most likely to blame for completely stripping the bark off an on-campus tree.

One student says he and others heard a "loud bang and crack," and went outside to see what had happened, only to encounter an all-natural streaker.

Another witness to this incredible phenomenon posted a daylight photo of the scene to Reddit, prompting many amateur scientists to offer explanations for the incident — "the water just under the surface was converted to steam" — and lament the imminent demise of the naked tree unless someone does something soon.

[H/T: HyperVocal, photos via Reddit]

This weekend, a man claims he was hit by a truck in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. But instead of getting run over, he jumped, landed on the hood, and yelled for other drivers to call the police as they sped down the highway.

A woman driving a few lanes over captured this video of the man on the hood of the car. For being on the hood of a speeding car, he sounds a little anxious, but is surprisingly calm. And for seeing someone on the hood of a speeding car, the woman taking the video also seems very calm.

You'd think that there would be some sort of urgency from either of them, considering what's going on.

According to police, what actually happened was the man on the hood was selling shrimp by the side of the road, when the pickup truck driver pulled over and took his sign... for some reason. The shrimp salesman jumped on the hood of the car as the pickup truck driver drove away. And this is the result. And, for once, it didn't happen in Florida.

In 2013 one can have many legitimate beefs with the medical and scientific establishment, but fluoridated water, like immunization, is not one of them. Still, it appears increasingly likely that a Left-Right coalition of dedicated fear-mongers will defeat a measure in Portland this week to fluoridate its water supply and help keep kids' teeth from falling out.

Slate has a good run down of the fight over a ballot measure to fluoridate Portland's water, which will be voted on on Tuesday. Like everything coming out of Portland, the anti-fluoridation movement there is infused with the locally-sourced and organic. The anti-fluoridation movement has undergone a radical brand refresh since the 1950s, when John Birch racists used it as a smokescreen for anti-Communist witch hunting. The fight over fluoridation in Portland pits dentists, medical groups, unions and social justice organizations against an anti-fluoridation crew consisting of environmental and libertarian activists that is largely funded in part by the free-market group Kansas Taxpayers Network. Willamette Week describes the anti-fluoridation crowd as a combination of "an Occupy protest, a talk on artisanal cheesemaking, and a Tea Party rally." And, this being Portland, the powerful gluten-free day care operator contingent is throwing its weight against fluoridation, too, according to the Wall Street Journal.

I lived in Portland for four years, and having subsisted on the fluoridated water of New York City for some years now, I can assure Portlanders that the only thing they have to fear from fluoridation are teeth so hard and healthy they can cut through the wires of a suspension bridge (which could pose a unique security problem for a city as bridge-laden as Portland).

The basic scientific facts in the fluoride debate goes like this:

Pro:

• The entire medical and dental establishment
• Decades of research.
• The Centers for Disease Control.

Anti:

• Quack doctor Joseph Mercola, who says fluoride will make your kid's brain bad and their bones brittle, but also believes vaccines cause autism.
• People on internet forums who swear their arthritis/cancer/whatever was cured when they stopped using fluoride toothpaste.
• Two or three obscure journal articles linking fluoride to cancer and arthritis that anti-fluoride people keep bringing up, even though further research has found no connection.

But as Slate points out, the anti-fluoridation movement is not driven by science as much as an ascendent knee-jerk anti-establishment politics that sanctifies "personal choice" over all. This attitude unites the extreme left and extreme right in a weird nexus of alternative medicine, Infowars-type conspiracy theories, and environmental activism that results in both your high school friends and your aunt spewing the same articles from NaturalNews all over your Facebook wall.

What's ironic is that this same recalcitrance helped Oregon become the first state to legalize physician assisted suicide in 1994 in the face of harsh opposition from doctors and medical authorities. This was an undoubtedly positive development and shows important change does happen thanks to normal citizens mobilizing against the scientific powers-that-be. But Oregon's Death with Dignity Act addressed a real need to improve end-of-life care, while even the least-crazy arguments marshaled by anti-fluoride activists are bullshit science promoted by a network of quack anti-fluoride doctors like Mercola. (No, fluoride in water will not make your kids dumb; it also doesn't cause your bones break.)

The fluoridation movement, then, isn't just about the benefits of fluoride versus the sanctity of personal choice. It's also important to fight anti-fluoridation crusaders because, like their anti-vaccination cousins, they taint legitimate popular challenges to the medical establishment and make them that much harder.

Update: Carol S. Kopf, media director of the Fluoride Action Network emails:

Here's what science writing is supposed to look like on the topic of fluoridation. You are so way off base on this issue.

http://www.livescience.com/34510-portland...

Carol K

In most states, the unemployment rate is coming down, ever so slowly. Still, nearly 12 million Americans are officially unemployed, and millions more have dropped out of the labor force entirely. Each week, we bring you true stories of unemployment, straight from the unemployed. This is what's happening out there.

I hate myself

I am unemployed and I hate it. Even worse, I hate myself. I am one of over 12 million people (based on the January 2013 BLS stats) in this country that does not have a job but wants one. I never ever wanted to be unemployed. I never thought I could have my job taken away from me (I despise the phrase “lost my job” since it implies it was entirely my fault, like my job was a set of car keys). Sure, like many people, I found my job to be frustrating at times. When the time was right and the opportunity arose, I took a new position. Sometimes it was within the same company and sometimes it was with a different company. The point is that when I was employed and I wanted a new job, I was in a good position. I am unemployed. I want a job but I am in a terrible position.

Since 2003, I have endured at least 3 layoffs/downsizings/re-organizations. In the first instance, the company reduced its workforce. In the second, the company went out of business. In the third, the company used (or rather abused) it’s right of “at will” employment and cut me loose. Each instance was painful. Each instance was humiliating. It’s something that cannot be quantified in a BLS report, unless you measure it in terms of things like friendships lost or alcohol consumed. Before I mention what’s happening (or not happening) in my life now, I’ll take you back to 1996. That was when I got my first full-time job since graduating from college a year before. It was an entry-level position with a major cable television provider In Colorado... An internship at a nearby television production company enabled me to get a full-time job in 1999 with a premium movie network...Then in November of 2003, my employer decided to layoff 10 to 15 percent of staff to offset a sudden increase in programming costs in the wake of a bitter dispute with one of the biggest cable television providers...

So, I officially started my job search in January 2004 and honestly, it feels like I haven’t stopped searching since then. Unable to find full-time work in my field, I took a part-time job at an independent movie theater chain. Unfortunately, the company went out of business in June of that year. After telling the staff that they would lose their jobs, one of the theater managers had the audacity ask everyone to help clean up before the doors were locked. By July, both my severance and unemployment had run out. I began asking my parents for monthly loans, something I hoped I would never have to do. Still unable to get any meaningful work in my career field, I tried other low paying jobs: package handler, door-to-door sales, restaurant server, market researcher and office assistant...

I did have some luck getting television work, but it was only temporary gigs. A couple of hours at a sports television network. A couple of days at a regional cable network. I even got a couple of weeks at my old movie network. But nothing was full-time. Even taking a Final Cut Pro editing class in the summer of 2004 failed to impress any potential employers. Hands-on training is not the same as hands-on experience. In an effort to pull my financial weight and avoid asking my parents for money again, I cashed out most of my retirement savings. I figured I’d make up the balance some time later down the road. I assumed “later” wouldn’t be too many years away. I’m still hoping that’s the case. After a couple of months working part-time at a market research company and moonlighting as a mobile disc jockey at weddings, I landed a full-time job at a company in 2006 that owned and operated several lifestyle television channels. I spend my days viewing American hunting shows and European fashion programming for quality and content standards. The job certainly had it’s drawbacks and I was getting paid less than three years before, but it felt good to be working full-time (with benefits) at an innovative media company. I felt there was a good chance to move up the ranks. That feeling died quickly in July of 2007. The company was in a battle with a major satellite provider. In an effort to save its existence, the company slashed payroll before filing Chapter 11. Lots of people were let go on a Monday afternoon, including me. Another day of shock. Another night spent drinking heavily. Once again, I got severance, but this time, the check bounced. Due to the filing of Chapter 11, the company did not have to pay all its financial obligations. Eventually, the courts decided my former employer was not worthy of Chapter 11 protection and the company liquidated its assets. I had to do a lot of research to find out where the head honchos had run off to before sending them a letter regarding their act of check fraud. Fortunately, they paid my severance plus some interest. It was vindication, but it was an exhausting experience and took nearly 4 months to get closure.

So in August 2007, I was looking for work yet again. I did have a new unemployment claim and some mobile disc jockey gigs to cover some of my expenses, but once again, I was borrowing from mom and dad. In addition, I was cutting back on my expenses, including my social costs. I wasn’t going to happy hours or dinners as often. I was reluctant to discuss my work situation with people, especially women. Unemployment is not a relationship builder, especially in this country where the first question you ask someone new is, “What do you do for a living?” In October, I found a temp job with an area film festival. The hours were long and the perks were limited. Still, I got to work with a great bunch of people through November. After that, things got quiet. Tons of resumes sent out and applications filled out. Still, no job offers. Not in television production. Not in anything. By the end of March 2008, the unemployment checks ran out. Then in April, things changed for, what seemed at the time, the better.

I got a full-time job with a field sports production company. Hunting and fishing shows. I was handling the logistics for 4 different television series. I built production schedules. I got plane tickets. I acquired hunting and filming permits. Plus, I got full health benefits. It was a fast-paced, ever-changing, always-challenging job... I was let go [in 2010] on a Monday at 5pm and management was able to recruit, interview, hire and place someone in my old position by 8am the next day. Another layoff. Another day of shock. This time, I didn’t get any severance after 2 years of dedication. Colorado is an “at will” state, which means an employer can terminate the employment of any employee regardless of reason. No severance required.

That was my last full-time job to date. That was also my last job in my career field. The only other work I have landed since then was some occasional wedding disc jockey work, a part-time market research job at a start-up company (which went through a downsizing in 2012) and a seasonal event staff position that ended in October of last year. My unemployment benefits, what little is left from my last downsizing, are almost gone. I’m looking for work, but every day seems to be an exercise in futility. I network and pass along business cards. Everyone’s posting a resume online and most of them are viewed by computers rather than people. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. It’s hard to compete with both technological innovation and a global workforce. I’m living alone and embarrassed to discuss my situation with friends and family. I’ve considered getting therapy, but it’s a costly option. Most single-payer heath plans don’t cover outpatient mental health (like mine) or they only cover it after the large deductible has been met.

I recently turned 40 and I’m at a crossroads: continue to find work in my career field or choose to learn something else and start at the bottom. Not an easy choice. Regardless of the path I take, I decided to write this in an effort to give the lucky (yes, I do say lucky, since there are no guarantees in life) millions of people in this country who are currently employed a glimmer of what is means, for me anyway, to be unemployed. I hope the people running both small and big businesses take these tales of adversity into consideration before flat-out refusing to consider anyone who’s got employment gaps on their resume. By the way Wall Street: your recent Dow Jones gains from October 2007 won’t mean much unless there’s a equally impressive recoup of about 5 million jobs (or 3.2% unemployment rate decrease) as well. Lastly, I hope that the leaders in Washington D.C. will make a genuine bipartisan effort to help over 12 million people (especially Hispanics, African-Americans and anyone under 25 years old) get their lives back on track. Of course, that last wish might just get lost in all the partisan yelling.

The contract worker

I have been officially unemployed since April of 2010. I am in my mid 50's and female. Let's talk about how many ways an employer can discriminate!

In the beginning of my job search I decided to open up to the idea of contracting. I decided that this was a perfect way to stay current in my chosen profession. Plus, if I like the employer and the employer likes me than, BINGO, I could be offered a regular position. Contracting is a way to stay off of unemployment and allow me to pay the bills. I have had good contract experiences and terrible experiences. Still, I am lucky to have this work. The down side is, regardless of how much I try, I am unable to save enough money to put into my IRA or savings account for emergencies. In addition, now when employers look at my resume, they don't think that I want a permanent job. They think I prefer contracting to a regular job. Many employers expect you to work until the job is "done". This may mean expecting you to work over 40 hours but not intending to pay you for that work. This of course is illegal. I refuse to work over 40 hours unless I am paid to do so. I know a few contractors who do work longer hours, with out pay. They work hoping that they will be hired full time. Then the contract ends. No job, and you are exhausted from all of that work! I did not mind working long hours and when I was employed, I usually did work longer hours. I found as a contractor, employers will take advantage of you if you do. Don't ever expect to hear the employer say thank you! They either turn a blind eye or expect you to keep on working those hours.

Some employers treat contractors as second class citizens. I have learned to ignore this. Still, I have to say that it bothers me. It bothers me the way contractors can be mistreated by some employers. Sometimes I feel that our work culture is moving backwards into the industrial age. Contract workers or, as some call us, contingent workers, do not have paid holidays, vacations, bonuses or health insurance. Sometimes the agency offers insurance after you have met a certain waiting period. The insurance is usually not worth the money. Typically you will see high deductibles, no prescription drug coverage. Often by the time you are eligible to receive coverage, your contract ends, leaving you to pay high COBRA fees. In addition, those of you who have contracted may have had the experience of being given the worst computer in the department, and often find that you are working with limited lighting, and don't even bother asking for an erognomics evaluation.

Lately I find myself feeling that I should start a momentum about contractor rights. I hear the workforce is quickly moving towards the direction of using more "contingent workers" in the future. If that is the case, contractors need to make sure we are treated fairly and well. Contracting may be a necessary evil for an individual who is trying to be productive. However, the evil ways that employers can miss-treat contractors make this a "hard row to hoe".

What is an unemployed person suppose to do? Stay home and sit on our "butts" waiting for the phone to ring or, get out there and let people know you are ready to work? I say we keep this moving forward. Everyone who is out of work and looking, needs to find some kind of work. The right contract work can be a way to empower you again. In the end, all of us, who are looking for a decent job, deserve to find something that provides us with a feeling of pride and an sense of empowerment.