Russia Will Ban All American and Most E.U. Foods From the Country

Like an escalating war between the two most passive-aggressive roommates on Earth, Russia has responded to sweeping U.S. and European Union sanctions by refusing to allow our fruits and vegetables to tarnish its section of the fridge.

The U.S. and the European Union instituted a series of economic sanctions against Russia earlier this summer for continuing to arm and support pro-Russian separatists in Ukraine. It's been clear for a while that President Vladimir Putin has been plotting some sort of retaliation; today, Russia's food safety agency announced it would ban all American food imports and all fruits and vegetables from Europe.

Russia buys a lot of Europe's food exports, especially Polish pork and Dutch fruits and vegetables. Poland's fruits and vegetables were banned first, with Russia's food safety authority claiming they had "unacceptable levels of pesticide residues and nitrates." Twitter users in Poland have been posting photos of themselves eating apples as a protest against the new policy:

As for the U.S., our fine, star-spangled frozen chickens have been singled out for special shunning. Those are definitely full of pesticides and nitrates. We've got standards around here.

[Image via Shutterstock]