Sir Stuffington is a cat pirate. As legend has it, he sailed the high seas in search of buried catnip treasure, conquered doggy islands, and raided mouse villages. He lost his right eye in a swordfight with a flock of mutated seagulls and broke his jaw in battle with a sea monster. In fact, he was one of the most feared feline plunderers in kitty-pirate history—until one fateful night, when his lady love's captors spayed and neutered her, and the distraught Sir Stuffington got so drunk he crashed his ship.
On September 13, Oregon's Multnomah County Animal Services found Sir Stuffington, homeless and living on the Portland streets. He was with two others; they'd all evidently endured rough episodes, but Sir Stuffington carried his damage the worst. Mangy, filthy, and flea-infested, he was suffering from an upper respiratory infection (too much stolen tobacco) and had a heart murmur. Plus, there was that permanently curled upper lip.
But then a nice Portland-area foster woman named Blazer Schaffer took in the three kittens and created a Facebook fan page for Sir Stuffington. Why him? Because he's a legendary cat pirate! Now he is quickly becoming the most famous one-eyed cat in today's Facebook-share history. You can see why here: These photos are ridiculous.
This will not be the last you hear about Sir Stuffington. Just you wait.
To contact the author of this post, email firstname.lastname@example.org.