Science: Be a Slob

Scientific research has now confirmed what has long been understood by those of us with the strength of character necessary to live life as raffish, devil-may-care iconoclasts: wearing "nice" clothes that are "appropriate" is for losers.

Perhaps the term "losers" is harsh. It may be more accurate to say that the timid and common sort of people prone to wearing "normal" attire are simply the sort of people likely to go through life without ever experiencing the enlivening thrill of having someone give you a blow job in a dressing room after mistaking you for a celebrity. The Wall Street Journal today notes that copious research has shown that wearing clothes that do not "fit in" to the preconceived notions of what constitutes a minimal level of sartorial competence and care tends to make people assume that you must be important, or some shit, because otherwise you would have to be crazy to wear that dirty ass t-shirt to this job interview. For example:

In their first study, they asked shop assistants and pedestrians in Milan to rate what they thought of people who walked into luxury stores wearing gym clothes. The subjects also rated those who wore outfits typically considered more appropriate, like a dress and fur coat.

Pedestrians were more likely to think that a well-dressed individual was more likely to have the money to buy something in the store. Shop assistants thought the opposite. Those more familiar with the luxury retail environment were more likely to assume that a gym-clothes-wearing client was confident enough to not need to dress up more, and therefore more apt to be a celebrity making a purchase than someone wrapped in fur.

Those of you parading around in your cookie-cutter jeans and blazers will never know the godlike feeling of having a store clerk assume you are much more wealthy and famous than you really are. Have fun in your "suits," at your "offices." I got my hoodie. I'm ready to live (in a studio apartment).

[Photo: Flickr]