Shovel Your Fucking WalkS

Good morning. Is there snow on the sidewalk in front of your residence or place of business right now? Shovel it.

Oh, I'm sorry—you don't own your apartment? You just rent, from a landlord, whom you believe to be responsible for shoveling the walk? Good point. Has he shoveled it yet? No? OK, then shovel your fucking walk. You're right, he should totally have shoveled it. But he didn't. So now you have to.

The store you own in Soho doesn't open until 11? So you're just waiting for the folks who open to shovel when they get in? I guess that would make sense if nothing in the city opened until 11, and no one had to walk on the sidewalk in front of your store. But that's not really the case. I had to walk on the sidewalk in front of your store this morning, along with maybe 2,000 (?) other people. So go there. And fucking shovel it.

When I was a kid, our family dog became old and incontinent. He would just shit wherever. My sister and I came up with a rule that seemed to make sense to us at the time: Whoever saw the shit first was responsible for cleaning it up. But because we were cretins, and because the first one to acknowledge the existence of the big pile of wet dog shit on the living room floor in front of the couch we were sitting on would have to clean it up, we would just pretend it wasn't there and stew in shit-air until our mother got home and asked us what the fuck was wrong with us.

This is what you are doing. When you walk out of your house, through 6 inches of snow, and don't fucking shovel that snow, you are sitting in a room with a big pile of dog shit and pretending it's not there. Except it's not a room, it's a city. And it's not dog shit, it's snow. But you are still a cretin.

So shovel your fucking walk. I don't care that it's not really your walk, or that you did it last time and one of your neighbors should do it. You are looking at it. Fucking shovel it. Now.

[Image via Getty]