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That headline could signal only one thing: the return of Toddlers & Tiaras. Well, it could signal the apocalypse too, I suppose. Really, the clip reel above from last night's season premiere is all about the first 9 seconds, which made me laugh harder than anything I can remember. Alexa says, "Wheeee!" and I feel her.
The rest is background: Two-year-old Alexa has been drinking coffee every morning since she was 9-months old (don't worry, her doctors say it's fine) and rabidly fiends for an unholy combination of soda, sweet tea and Pixy Stix that her charming mother Tori calls "Tinker tea." That's standard T&T stuff, but Alexa is a remarkable child. By the end of the episode, when she was throwing gibberish at the producers, I like to think that she was just fucking with everyone.
Also, she looks like Jessica Lange.