Somewhere in Daytona Beach, a Medieval reenactor's homicidal nunchuck-and-mace-filled boat trip has been ruined.
Via WTSP-TV in Central Florida, local police have recovered a gift box that never stops giving:
If you're missing a coffin full of weapons and a boat anchor, you should contact the Volusia County Sheriff's Office.
Officers with Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission found the coffin lying upside down on the wood line at the park Thursday at Lake Dias Park near Deland and called the Volusia County Sheriff's Office.
Inside deputies found a 46 weapons including a crossbow and a ball with metal spikes.
Ha yeah, you can see the spiked ball and the crossbow in the photo, and that's pretty weird. But I mean, it's just a silly coffin-shaped box. How crazy can it get?
According to MyNews13, the weapons found in the coffin included:
Black ball and chain
Set of nun chucks
Metal pair of forceps
Ball with metal spikes
Small red square punching bag
Black leather pouch
Double-sided axe with handle
Baseball bat with numerous screws attached
Small black sheath
Scissors, silver in color
Wooden handle with attached metal hook
Wooden handle with attached metal knife
Plastic tube with black handles
Wide black metal hook
Black folding knife
2 black arm weights
Broken yellow dart
Silver baseball bat
Small wooden handle with attached knife
Black metal crowbar
Black metal hooks
Black sword sheathe
Silver metal chain
Black handle with attached long knife
Wooden handle with attached rusted knife blade
Black stick with attached chain
Single metal hook
2 wooden metal hatchets
Silver boat anchor
Black fire poker
Black metal crowbar
Pair of blacksmith pliers
Silver metal sword blade with missing hand grip
Wooden blocking stick
Double sickle handle
Single handle sickle
Large pair of black metal tongs
2 wooden axe handles
Hmm. Okay, this can mean a couple of things:
- The Renaissance fair was canceled at the last minute.
- Tyrion Lannister's reinforcements aren't coming.
- Sometimes, the Montauk Monster wins.
- Another Floridian turned 21, bought his handgun, and just cannot be bothered with Craigslist.
Alternate explanations are welcome in the comments. Extra Cliven Bundy and Stargate aliens, please!
[Image via Volusia County Sheriff's Office]