Someone (Probably Fucking Harry) BBQ'd One of the Queen's Swans

No elegant waterfowl or low-center-of-gravity-having corgi is safe from being cooked alive and eaten in the shadow of Windor Castle. Earlier this week, the charred remains of a swan were left on a riverbank near the Queen’s residence. Wendy Hermon, a representative for Swan Lifeline, a charity devoted to rehabilitating sick and injured swans around the Thames, told the Telegraph the bird had “definitely been barbecued” which sounds delicious, though she seemed upset about it.

The blackened carcass was discovered on Baths Island in the Thames, a short distance from Windsor Castle. The island is home to 200 swans, all legally the property of the Queen.

As the Telegraph points out, up until the late ‘90s, killing, injuring, or chipotle-mango barbecuing a swan was classified as an act of treason, thanks to a law dating back to the 12th century, when swans were reserved for the consumption of nobles. (It’s still illegal to injure, kill, or steal the birds under a wildlife protection act.)

According to Hermon, the bird’s “whole breast had been removed” and “looked like it had been eaten for lunch.” She added that she couldn’t “imagine the kind of people that would do this,” though a good bet is anyone who has ever eaten chicken. The website for Hampton Court Palace (which has not been inhabited by the royal family since the 18th century but did lend its name to a suburban development complex where I attended many sleepovers) even hosts a recipe for roasted swan on its historic food page.

The recipe is basically: scald the goose and serve it in its own blood.

Police are still searching for the barbecue bandit.

[Image via Swan Lifeline]