Study: Old Women Lazy as Hell

It's hard enough being an elderly woman in today's society, what with sexism, ageism, and those bizarre "brooches" everyone expects you to wear. So hey, old ladies: don't make it harder on yourself by being so lazy. Get up and MOVE!

I would never deign to call old women—which both of my grandmothers were—"lazy" merely as a crass (one might say "lazy") pejorative. Not at all. I use this word based upon the most respected and up-to-date science, as published this week in the Journal of the American Medical Association, and reported by Bloomberg News. We all just want what's best for you, ladies.

The study showed that women spent about 66 percent of their waking day in sedentary behavior, totaling about 9.7 hours a day. [...]

About 32 percent of all sedentary time occurred in blocks of at least 30 minutes, while about 12 percent occurred for at least 60 minutes

Great way to be a role model for your no doubt obese grandchildren, ladies. (Sarcasm.) Two out of every three waking minutes of your rapidly dwindling life, spent doing nothing more than sitting in a chair, or sitting in a car, or sitting in a bar—exercising nothing more than your ample patoot. How do you expect to maintain the strength to lift up your hefty grandkids, or the endurance to chase your lumbering grandkids, or the flexibility to bend down and scold your rotund grandkids, if you do not get up off of your backside and hustle? You won't live forever. You might as well live healthy.

No one is asking you to run a marathon. But you're never to old to do sets of burpees every hour on the hour, interspersed with some simple sprints, pushups, and air squats out in the yard. We all know you have the time!

[Photo: Flickr]