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America Travels Back in Time
Old Man Upset At Accurate Portrayal of His Wimpiness
Breaking News From a Dinner Party 8 Years Ago

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Mad Due to No More Bonnets
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
What a fun, sexy time for us!

Cera, stop being an L7weenie.
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jjbings
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
is this post supposed to be subversively conservative? first of all, you used the phrase "john mccain is a maverick" 3 times in this post. great joke (by "great", i guess i mean "completely overused"), but no need to shove it down my throat.

second, i don't think that rejecting failed policies implies that anyone "forgot" about september 11. isn't gawker based in ny? are you completely daft?

i guess that your post is supposedly ironic on some level, but i just find it rather lame... maybe i should just stick to reading the 'gossip girl' recaps.
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Hydroceph
01/23/09

@jjbings: I think Pareene's just being ironic. This is Gakwer, you know. With the Economist, you get cryptoconservatism. Gawker, you get snark.
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Steverino Begins
01/23/09

@Hydroceph: It's snark, but it still has a conservative opinion that I don't agree with, either. The Bush policies were corrupt. Obama is revoking them. I just hope his counter-terrorism people stay on the ball during these changes; you have to work a little harder when you decide to play by the rules again.
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Hydroceph
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
Back too 2000? Excellent! I had a 33" waist and my hair was mostly brown. Can't wait to get 'em back.
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Hydroceph
01/23/09

@Hydroceph: to, not too.
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lalaland13
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
Oh no. I'm still in high school, and my parents are still together. And I'm still a Republican.
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allyzay
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
i don't like that this post is implying that there was a time period where gladiator somehow wasn't an awesome movie.
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lobstr
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
In 1997 I worked for this super huge scam of a computer consulting group in Dallas where they brought a consultant in to tell us about the extraordinary money we can all make by fooling clients into thinking this y2k problem will fuck up elevators, planes, inventory databases, etc, and this was the first I ever heard of the impending "problem".

They started charging clients $250/hour to debug existing shit to avoid the scary "negative date summation"!

Good times.
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happysquid
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
My Time Machine has Worked! At last, we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief and settle down to a pre-2000's existence.
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skahammer
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
I approve of this post.
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TheHonJudgeSmails
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
I masturbated a lot in 2000. Gotta up my game.
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naugahydeinplainsight
01/23/09

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Sounds like your game was up just fine. :-)
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ADismalScience
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
I like it, frankly.

Obama's administration hasn't detailed a plan for what is to be done with the legitimately scummy people in Guantanamo, but that's the POINT! Habeus corpus and all the other due process of law bits expose America to risk all the time, but that's the cost of doing business as a free society. You accept the risk of recidivism and bad men escaping sympathetic juries in exchange for the right to avoid being hurled into some foreign gulag without charges or trial.

So it is with Caesar. Close Gitmo. I'd rather have another fallen skyscraper than play host to a hypocritical, transparent argument against free society and our legal system.
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braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.
01/23/09

@ADismalScience: Concur.
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flossy
01/23/09

@braak: Agreed. It's also funny to me how some people seem to think we have a stark choice between locking people up in offshore prisons and torturing them while they wait for a trial that will never come, and releasing them into the wild with a pat on the back and a "Sorry 'bout the waterboarding, now stop terrorizing us... please?"

We have some pretty fucking secure prisons right here in the old U.S. of A. We also have laws, and habeus corpus... ya know, that stuff we claim to beleive that everyone is entitled to. Gitmo is not only a huge disgrace, it's not even necessary.
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Lincolnsbeard33
01/23/09

@flossy: except we don't claim everyone is entitled to it. Only US citizens have the right to it.
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ADismalScience
01/23/09

@Lincolnsbeard33:

Myopic and flawed. America believes its judicial system is an inalienable right of man. By extension, we believe that all men and women should share in our views and freedoms regardless of origin.

Demarcating rights by nationality is a dangerously short leap from demarcating them by race, creed, sexual orientation...
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flossy
01/23/09

@Lincolnsbeard33: Uh, we don't claim that everyone is entitled to it because we don't govern foreign territories. We signed the Geneva conventions, though, which is a pretty good sign we believe those rights are inaliable and should extend to everyone.

Besides, what are you even arguing? That we should torture suspected criminals indefinitely, without trial, ever, and it's cool because they're foreign?
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Hydroceph
01/23/09

@Lincolnsbeard33: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights..."

Ring any bells?
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braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
Oh, shit man, now I finally have the opportunity to have majored in something useful at school.
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naugahydeinplainsight
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
It's 2000? OK everyone: Time to move to Florida. Don't forget to vote.
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Private Hangnail
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
I'd actually like to go back to the end of 2001, that glorious time when it was okay to be afraid of everything: dogs, model airplanes, FedEx boxes; not because they could bite you or get caught in your hair or bear a shirt from J. Crew that doesn't fit, but because the terrorists could pack them with explosives. Explosives laden with anthrax and the inchoate wish that the America you know and love be reduced to a quivering mound of reactionary idiocy.
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Hydroceph
01/23/09

@Private Hangnail: speaking of reactionary idiocy...

Not long after 9/11, i rented a cabin in Yosemite with a bunch of friends. In the middle of the night, i hear a crash! that sounds like it's coming from the kitchen. As my mind helpfully supplies the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs to my room, i call 911. The deputies responded and quickly ascertained the emergency: a glass casserole dish left drying by the sink had fallen over.

I blame the squirrels.
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Smitros
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
If I can have 2000 back without the remaining student debt and the GF at that time I'm all for it.
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Calluna Vulgaris
01/23/09

In reply to America Travels Back in Time
Please, my office computer is already running the highly advanced Windows 2000 Professional. I totally beat you all back to the future!
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badasscat
01/23/09

@Calluna Vulgaris: The obvious irony being that 2000's Windows 2000 is a better OS than 2009's Windows Vista.

Or maybe that's not irony. Maybe it's even the opposite of irony.
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