However, Variety notes that:

That's not to say the revolution isn't brewing. The study also reported that online video usage is up 35% vs. a year ago, while DVR playback has jumped 21%.

Also surprising: The Olds (45-54) spend more time online than any other age group, at seven hours per week. (Which is, like, about half a day's worth for us.) [Variety]

•We are guessing the people who are actually awake for "Good Morning America" are bummed that Diane Sawyer is leaving the show Friday after nearly 3,000 shows. Sawyers is taking over "ABC World News Tonight" from Charles Gibson. While Chris Cuomo's name was initially floated as a possible replacement, it looks like George Stephanopoulos will be greeting all you early risers as you greet another productive, happy day. Jerks. [LAT]

•Kristin Wiig's character Gilly is hosting SNL's Dec. 17th Christmas special: "SNL Presents: A Very Gilly Christmas". Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin will be there. We are guardedly optimistic about this one. [THR]

•Reality show producers love wives: VH1 is starting production on "Basketball Wives," a reality show about women married to NBA stars, including Shaunie O'Neal—Shaq's wife. Is there any topical joke to be made about wife-based reality shows and/or athletes' spouses? Ho hum, guess not. World, keep on a-turning. [Vareity]

•Those super-convenient $1 DVD rental kiosks in supermarkets? They're costing Hollywood $1 billion and a lot of jobs! (according to a group with strong industry ties, of course!) [THR]

•Elijah Wood and Robin Williams will likely be reprising their roles as penguins in "Happy Feet 2". (Alternate title: "Why the World Needs Another Goddamn Movie About Penguins.") [THR]

•Only bloggers who don't own TVs care about Adam Lambert, apparently: Despite tons of face-humping, ABC-cancelling, GLAAD-bumbling controversy, Lambert's appearance on CBS' "The Early Show" did bupkis for ratings. [NYT]

(photo courtesy of Phrenzee's Flickr)

Confirming last summer's Playboy interview, where he said he'd retire from acting in 2012, Alec Baldwin has now told Men's Journal that "I don't have any interest in acting anymore," and considers himself a failure:

I consider my entire movie career a complete failure. The goal of movie-making is to star in a film where your performance drives the film, and the film is either a soaring critical or commercial success, and I never had that.

Also, he never re-watches The Hunt for Red October. (Because its $200M worldwide box office intake was not "soaring" enough?)

And now, the movies I've been in, I never give them a moment's thought. Every movie I've ever been in, I just avoid.

Oh, cheer up, Alec! It could be worse. You could've been in Half-Baked or Forgetting Sarah Marshall or Attack of the 50-Ft Woman. (Actually, that last one sounds kind of good.) [Reuters]

General Electric—which owns 80% of NBC Universal—just reached an agreement to buy French conglomerate Vivendi's 20% stake in the company for $5.8 billion. This will allow GE to sell NBC in turn to cable TV provider Comcast. (Very confusing.) If regulators approve the NBC deal, Comcast will boast a double threat of content production and distribution with which it will squelch all opposition and force-feed The Office reruns to the American populace until we are witless, sitcom-dazed zombies at their beck and call. At least that's what some concerned media activists say will happen. (Doesn't sound so bad, honestly.) [THR]

•Alec Baldwin has just announced he's quitting acting for, like the sixth time or something. Baldwin told Men's Journal he is planning on retiring March 2010, when his "30 Rock" contract runs out. But The Wrap points out he's said this many times before, and here he is! Plus, his new corporate overlords at NBC/Comcast/Evilcorp will probably implant a chip in his brain that makes him want to act forever. [THR]

•Peter Jackson's two-part "Hobbit" is being delayed until 2012 because of delays in writing and casting. I think I speak for nerds everywhere when I say: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [shakes fist angrily at computer screen while flecks of spittle fall to the crumb-strewn floor of his parents' basement.] [The Wrap]

•BREAKING: Nicole Richie had an idea! (It was for an ABC sitcom that will "feature Richie as a professional woman with complicated family relationships and struggling to figure out what role she'll take as her life and her family evolve.")[Variety]

•By the time you read this the White House Crashers will probably have already appeared on the "Today Show" to present their side of the story. So jealous of you, future! [LAT]

•Kathryn Beglow's Hurt Locker has won "Best Picture" at the Gotham Independent Film Awards. We are trying to think of some adjective to describe the film in a different way than the LA Times. What is a synonym for "gritty"? [LAT]

• First of all, do you people not know how to shag balls? Learn. Today's lead Page Six story concerns Derek Jeeeeeetah and his lady plaything, Friday Night Lights hotness Minka Kelly (and really, who dates a girl named Minka Kelly but Derek Jeter? Oh, that's right: Tim Riggins...) going on a grand tour of St. Jetersburg, which is what Derek's new Florida house has been dubbed by someone who thinks of funny words to go with gigantic funny houses. Yeah, they went to St. Barts and then Jeter and his parents and Minka took a tour of what's apparently going to be Tampa, Florida's largest house (where Jeter goes for Spring Training). Apparently, Minka thought of how she's going to decorate all the rooms and he thought of which rooms he's going to have sex with Minka Kelly in (answer: all of them, except for the Slug Room). Well, that's quite a distinguishment, to be Tampa, Florida's biggest anything. Also: real romantic, Jeter. A housetour? Nice. [Page Six]
  
  
• Okay, this is awesome: Sandra Bullock dressed up as a chola girl for George Lopez's TBS show. Inevitably, someone will wet their pants over being offended by this. Good! Because there are people who should get offended when they see this picture of Sandra Bullock dressed up as a chola. They're assholes. And we need them to make the rest of us look normal. [NYDN]
  
  
• Anna Wintour's daughter, Bee Shaffer, who's taken a job as College Humor found Ricky Van Veen's Girl Friday, is going apartment hunting with the moms. Aw! Except when you go apartment hunting with Ma Wintour, there's no "aw." More like *shudder*. They're looking at places in SoHo and Anna was seen "in stilettos and texting furiously on her BlackBerry." Yeah, aspiring real estate agents, that's a deal you want to be working on. Fun. [Page Six]
  
  
• Spreewell! Put a little mustard on those mortgage payments. [NYDN]
  
  
• Apparently, nobody stays in for the holidays anymore, or so goes Page Six's Sociological Theory after spotting Martha Stewart out and about at the Four Seasons for Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, no, Martha can cook a bitch like none other, but she saves the weaponry for when people are supposed to be watching. [Page Six]
  
  
• The Fresh Prince of PA-POW! is here: meet Will Smith's kid, The New Karate Kid, who's training to go into Nu-Miyagi-Crane-Kick mode with Jackie Chan. INYOFACE, Cobra Kai. [People]
  
  
• Further evidence of maybe they're right: Alec Baldwin is going to quit acting when his 30 Rock contract ends, he says. When's that? 2012. [NYDN]
  
  
• Uh, I'm pretty sure Page Six is suggesting Diddy and Jay-Z are gay with this one. Ready? Diddy and Hov kicked it at CV's lounge, which rents out at $5,000 a night, comes with "padded walls" a magnum of champers, a couch, and eight ounces—eight...ounces—of beluga caviar. Right, the gay part isn't the caviar, but who needs eight ounces of beluga caviar? Like, really? Shit isn't that good. Also, isn't caviar so late 90s? Like, gross. Anyway: "There don't seem to be specific rules on what can go on in there, but sources say Diddy and Jay-Z "relaxed and shared a drink while listening to the music." Right, sources. Wouldn't that be funny if Beyonce had to start looking out for Diddy? Related: we don't believe you, you need more people. [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh, good god, is this creepy and weird: a bunch of celebrities are being paid to attend this Australian quack doctor's marriage to a 26 year-old American ingenue. The ones Page Six knows about for sure? Jason Alexander and Fran Drescher. Ughghhh. Creepy. [Page Six]
  
  
• Ray Allen was going to buy a pair of $1,000 shoes, and then didn't. Thrifty? BALLER STATUS. [Page Six]
  
  
• Want to know what the creepy Amy Fisher people are up to these days? Here: they're involved with boxing matches with Rodney King. Like, when did the political celebrities of yesteryear start networking? Gross? [Page Six]
  
  
• Super supermarket bestseller novelist David Baldacci and John Grisham are homies, and when they get together, they basically just shit books that sell a bajillion copies before they even hit mass market paperback. Most involve lawyers and crime. Most are not as good as The Client. Also, John Grisham, so 90s, right? Like caviar. [Page Six]
  
  
• Security holes! They're all the rage. Literally: Mike Tyson's fight at LAX apparently wasn't captured on camera, thereby exposing a huge security blind spot at one of America's most trafficked airports. Everyone should hire Mike Tyson as a security consultant. Honestly. If I were a robber, and I saw a "This Place Was Secured By Mike Tyson, Who Will Eat Your Babies If You Come Any Closer" sticker, do you think I'd come any closer? Answer: no. [TMZ]
  
  
• The Hoff had a seizure! Noes! Yes. He did. He was not eating a hamburger when it happened. But he's still drunk, often, and they think that might've had something to do with it. He was not rushed to the hospital in slow motion. He's still there. Hopefully, he will get out, and get his shit together. [NYDN]

Okay, how 'bout we just get through today? Don't lie: some of you are excited to get back to the workweek tomorrow. You are probably New Yorkers, you probably work seven days a week, and you are just as fucked up and insane as the rest of us. Anyway! Savor this Sunday! It's yours. Or, if you're like me, just get through it. And still own that shit!

Anyway. Here:

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

• Heidi Klum continues to defy gravity and nature, agreeing to yet another Victoria's Secret show shortly after giving birth her fourth child. Obviously, this woman sold her soul to the devil long ago in return for a flab-less belly and elastin-rich skin that knows not the plague of stretch marks. Vicki's is having a bit of a staffing crisis for this year's $12M show, with angel-wing heavyweights Karolina Kurkova, Gisele Bundchen, and Adriana Lima all preggers. [P6]
• 
  
• Meanwhile, Amanda Peet told Parade she can't stop the parade of age: "I'll sag no matter what." Now that's my kind of girl. [P6]
• 
  
• "Sticky Fingers" Lohan is back! LiLo reported "stormed into the kitchen" at L.A. club Crown Bar "and grabbed two bottles of really expensive champagne. She finished both bottles with a friend." Presented with the check, she had a "meltdown," then had to call a friend to borrow a credit card number. This is deeply, tragically pathetic. You know, there was a time when being a young Hollywood trainwreck was enough to get you a free drink in this town. [NYDN]
• 
  
• The National Enquirer says Regina Letterman kicked Dave out of their Westchester manse, forcing him to live in relative squalor in his massive lower-Manhattan loft. But wait! Letterman's spokesman has denied the report to the Daily News, which sniffs that the "supermarket tabloid" has the story all wrong. Standards, people. [National Enquirer] [NYDN]
• 
  
• After blowing 0.08 and 0.09 breathalyzers and receiving a DUI, Stephanie Pratt is going to rehab. Hey, did someone just say "free champagne"? [ShowBizSpy]
• 
  
• Jon and Kate Gosselin were both invited to Phillies star Shane Victorino's Hawaiian paradise wedding, but only Jon went to the Flyin' Hawaiian's nuptials. The kids stayed home with Kate. [RadarOnline]
• 
  
• German police raided an apartment near Stuttgart in connection with Cindy Crawford's extortion case. Edis Kayalar, the 26-year-old German national accused of trying to blackmail Crawford with a horrifyingly sadomasochistic photo of her 8-year-old daughter, will definitely go to hell if the accusations are true. Even blackmailers have certain lines they don't cross. [NYDN]
• 
  
• Hotel owner Andre Balazs (of Meapacking porno fav Standard Hotel fame) is a cover boy: He co-stars with model Angela Lindvall in the new Brioni ads, because sometimes being filthy rich and fabulous just isn't enough, and you just need that extra oomph of being objectified by gay men, too. [P6]
• 
  
• Hurting for cash or overflowing with creative talent? Flavor Flav is entering Doritos' annual "Crash the Super Bowl" ad contest, putting himself in the running for a $1 million prize. [P6]
• 
  
• "Ominous Illness Sidelines UFC Champ Lesnar": Apparently ultimate fighting's heavyweight champ is holed up in hospital in North Dakota, and everyone's whispering about what's really wrong with him. The first reports said swine flu; then they said mono. The whole ordeal is weirdly secretive, which makes me think of that one rapper who had AIDS. Hopefully Lesnar has something really shocking, but also benign, so we don't have to feel guilty about it. Like a third testicle, that has suddenly begun to descend. [TMZ]
• 
  
• Julianne Moore will guest on 30 Rock as Jack's lover. Apparently the surfeit of 30 Rock guests' Emmy noms has the cream of Hollywood's crop begging for a chance to get on the show. [NYDN]
• 
  
• Why is everyone still freaking out over Brangelina going to Saturday's MOCA gala? She wore a black dress, he wore a suit. They stared at art and said nothing. Are the rest of our celebrities so boring that this pair's silent, monochromatic presence in a hushed art gallery two days ago is big enough to score top billing at RadarOnline? But wait, look at this sentence, it has a hyperlink: "Angelina looked quite different when she did a swimsuit modeling sessions as a teenager." Now I see. [RadarOnline]

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin have been picked to jointly host the Academy Awards telecast.

• So Lindsay Lohan and Donatella Versace showed up with the same hair, messed up pout, and similar outfits at last night's Met International Ball. This is causing a huge media frenzy because, well, no one thinks anyone should look like Donatella. Basically, no one has anything to say but, "Ew, gross." [NYDN, NY Post]
• The first photos of Nicole Richie's little bundle of joy, Sparrow, are out. Yes, it's a boy. Yes, that's his name.
• [People]
• James Gandolfini thinks Elaine Stritch is in love with him. The he calls Alec Baldwin fat. Pots and kettles, people. [P6]
• Hulk Hogan thought about killing himself after his wife left him. That's sadder than the cancellation of American Gladiators. [NYDN]
• Katie Holmes and Renee Zellweger could barely contain themselves to meet Julie Andrews. Katie was excited because she says "we have Mary Poppins and Sound of Music playing in our house a lot right now." We always knew Tom was a show queen! [UK Mirror]
• Kate Gosselin has no clue why her brood is acting out. We're sure it has nothing to do with her divorce, the cameras in their faces being taken away, their father wearing too much Ed Hardy, or her horrible hair. Can't be that. [NYDN]
• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are reigniting their on-again-off-again. We kind of find this to be like when mom calls on the phone and tells you boring news about a cousin you never see. [E Online]

[Image via Getty]

• Everyone loves Neil Patrick Harris. And how could they not? He came out singing cabaret and danced away with our undying love. Not that he didn't have it before. After this evening's turn as the show's host, we're pretty sure Harris should master the ceremonies of every Hollywood event ever. (By the way, Mediaite has the lyrics from the introductory number. Learn them. Live them. Love them.)
  
  
• Kristin Chenoweth will soon be the hardest working woman in Hollywood. The adorable actress — once known mostly to the Broadway crowd — stole the nation's heart by crying after winning best supporting actress for Pushing Daisies. The show's been canceled and Chenoweth, bless her, reminded the world that she needs a job: "I'm unemployed now, so I'd like to be on Mad Men. I also like The Office and 24."
  
  
• Tina Fey fans are upset that Toni Collette won the "best comedy actress" award for United States of Tara, which we actually enjoy. Well, Jeff Jarvis is upset, at least: the journalist and internet aficionado twittered, "best comedy actress was a crime." But, whatever, because Fey won for her SNL Sarah Palin impersonation.
  
  
• In other-SNL news, Justin Timberlake took home a trophy for his "Dick in a Box" routine. But that was announced last week, so hopefully you knew that.
  
  
• Sure, Fey didn't win, but that doesn't mean the Academy doesn't still love 30 Rock: the incredibly popular show won "best comedy series" and Alec Baldwin walked away with a "best actor" statuette. That's his second, for the record.
  
  
• Speaking of seconds: Mad Men again won "best drama series" and best writing for a drama series. Does this mean the show will continue to be a popular culture darling? Not if you ask Matthew Greenberg from True Slant — he thinks the consecutive win will alienate those who don't already watch it, because they'll think it's elitist.
  
  
• If Greenberg's right, there could also be a backlash against Glenn Close: the Damages star once again won for "best actress" in a drama series.
  
  
• Comedy Central's no doubt pleased with Jon Stewart and the Daily Show crew: they won "best writing" for a comedy, variety, etc series. And, yes, Stewart commended Neil's hosting abilities. He also made a joke about going backstage to watch football, which was competing on another network and became the butt of many tiresome jokes.
  
  
• LA Times writer Tom O'Neil has crowned Bill Maher the biggest Emmy loser in history because Maher, whose show was nominated in the aforementioned variety category, has lost 22 times over the course of his career.
  
  
• Remember how we said Harris should host everything? He may have some competition from Hugh Jackman, who won for original music for his Oscar dance routine.
  
  
• Hey, did you know Sarah McLachlan's still around? And she's still singing "I Will Remember You." While, yes, we should take a moment to recognize the departed — Bea Arthur! — certainly there's a less maudlin, predictable soundtrack.
  
  
• And on that note, here's a list of the winners.

• Sarah Jessica Parker and her Sex and The City cast mates need extra security to protect them from hordes of fans. Said one witness, "At one point, teenage girls were practically trampling each other trying to get to Sarah Jessica as she was walking back to her trailer, but her security team was shoving everyone out of the way." Don't worry, though, SJP told her security detail to treat the deranged masses kindly. But not too kindly.[Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Ashley Dupre, Eliot Spitzer's once-favorite prostitute, bit back at ladies who criticize her. According to Dupre, many women, not just hookers, use their feminine wiles to get bags, clothes and other lavish things. Some men do, too. [NY Post]
  
  
• Freddie Fackelmayer is allegedly Whitney Port's new love interest on The Hills, but they reality couple said nothing to one another during a recent outing to the Jane Hotel. One source couldn't be more pleased, because Fackelmayer's a "total mess." [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh, damn! Page Six has a follow-up to the NYDN's item about Alec Baldwin wanting to meet Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel. Says Baldwin, "I don't know her and wasn't looking to meet her, but somehow this ends up in the Daily News — manufacturing a nice gesture into a total BS item suggesting I want to date this woman. Nothing against her, but I'm not dating anyone." [Page Six]
  
  
• Ew. Jon Gosselin has been hanging out in Vegas, buying drinks for ladies and the ladies are returning the favor by giving him massages. And, we fear, more. [Page Six]
  
  
• In other Jon Gosselin news, the father of eight recorded his first interview and says hell demon wife Kate was mean and verbally abused him: "She'll call me like, almost like a lame fish. Like I wasn't going anywhere." [NYDN]
  
  
• Former British PM Tony Blair will visit David Letterman's Late Show next week. Expect an explosion of self-deprecating humor. [Reuters]
  
  
• A former assistant for Tyra Banks is suing the mini-mogul for $5,820 in back wages. [TMZ]
  
  
• Janet Jackson will break her silence on Michael's death in an upcoming issue of Harper's Bazaar. [Page Six]
  
  
• Friends and family gathered in Los Angeles yesterday to lay the late DJ AM to rest. [Bauer-Griffin]
  
  
• Lisa Loeb (remember her?) has been impregnated by her husband, Roey Hershkovitz. [ET]
  
  
• Daniel Radcliffe refuses to go to parties populated by lowly B-list celebrities. It's only A-list for him. And rightfully so. [PTI]
  
  
• Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts is not leaving the band, so stop saying he is. [NME]

Her name is Lisa Ann (who also played Sarah Palin), and she leads a bunch of adult actors doing very good impersonations of Tracy Morgan, Alec Baldwin, Jane Krakowski and the rest of the gang. While we haven't seen any of the naked action, what comes between the scenes is dead-on. If the actors can get that right, than delivering a relentless rogering should be easy. Oh, and wait for "I'm a black robot, motherfucker," to be on a T-shirt in Times Square by the end of next week. If you want to buy the movie, click here [NSFW, unless you work in a strip club].

This new movie is the latest in a long line of smutty features based on beloved TV shows. How did this happen? Well, porn producers figured out that people like prepackaged commodities and that if they made these parodies, then people like us would write about them and give them free advertising. Damn, trapped again! But this one appears really worth it. We're not falling into this trap again for The Fucks of Life.

Yesterday we gaev you a preview of Prospect Park West, Sohn's upcoming book about four Brooklyn mommies behaving badly. One of the ladies is Melora, a Hollywood actress who moves to Park Slope, so the narrative is peppered with fake stories about real celebrities. Melora and Hudson fight over a part, Lucy Liu calls Melora a "fucked up woman," Maggie Gyllenhaal is her mortal enemy (her's too?) and Alec Baldwin steals her therapist. Do you think some of them will guest star when Sarah Jessica Parker turns this into a series?

The Post dutifully called the publicists of the celebs involved. Most wouldn't comment, one never heard of the book, and Alec Baldwin's harried publicist, happy that his client didn't call anyone a pig in a voicemail again, says Baldwin doesn't care about Sohn's made-up tales, adding "It doesn't sound like such a good book."

But at least Sohn is fun enough to add a bit of sizzle to her novel. Today the New York Times fills us in on the new trend in chick lit: books with heroines who are weathering the economic meltdown.

Framed as cautionary tales, these books introduce female characters compelled to "face facts, raise funds and watch out for themselves," said Elizabeth Beier, who edited The Summer Kitchen. "They're not just vicariously experiencing other women's getting and spending," she said. "They are taking charge of their own identities; they are actually doing something, and that always makes more involving fiction."

God, that sounds as boring as reading Ruth Madoff's inevitable indictment. We'd much rather read some fake bullshit about famous people than some fake bullshit about the formerly rich trying to turn their lives around. That's why we pick up the Post every morning!

Daily Finance's Jeff Bercovici did some poking around and discovered that Limbaugh hasn't bothered to put his Fifth Avenue penthouse on the market.

Limbaugh has yet to make any such arrangements — or, if he has, he's been keeping them from Kit Carson, his producer and "chief of staff." When I attempted to contact Limbaugh to ask him about his relocation plans, I was directed to Carson, who told me he'd forwarded my remarks to his boss, to no avail. "All I can tell you is, I put the question into him, and I got nothing back," Carson said.

Rush, what the heck are you waiting for, man?! Remember when Alec Baldwin lied about moving to Europe if Bush won? Do you want to be viewed as the conservative version of a lying liar like Alec Baldwin? Of course not! You have a sterling reputation for personal integrity to uphold. Now get the hell out before it's too late! Just go man, please. Texas beckons you.

Rush Limbaugh Threatens, Fails To Leave Manhattan After Tax Tirade [Daily Finance via Cityfile]
Illustration by the amazing Jim Cooke

AOL — remember that company? — did mess with the 30 Rock star, because it is staffed by worthless, non-journalistic guttersnipes, as far as Baldwin is concerned.

Baldwin, you see, wrote a perfectly innocent column last week about how he's a fan of liberal MSNBC commentators Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, but Olbermann "wastes too much time pissing on Bush" while Maddow's "writers are dreadful."

Then AOL.com had to go and say Baldwin "picked a fight" with the anchors.

Which is unfair, sure, but also par for the course on the AOL home page. Traffic-baiting the internet's lowest common denominator is what AOL has been doing since forever. It's the company's reason for being. That and collecting modem fees from people too unfortunate or technically inept to get broadband, already.

But Baldwin is very worked up. This AOL garbage is important! It illustrates Baldwin's number two journalism lesson: Journalism does not happen online, because there is too much filth.

The sine qua non to understanding the garbage barge of the internet is the AOL home page. The AOL home page, which makes Us Weekly look like Paris Match, wants its readers to focus on the latest unflattering photos of stars or their DUIs...

That's the Internet. Some great, serious, lofty thinking, one click away. The AOL home page, like a filthy dinner plate, just begging to be scraped and washed, another click away.

Alec Baldwin, of course, wrote this on the internet, on a site reporting the latest unflattering celebrity picture just a click away from his column, and carrying some high-profile amateur journalism just a click or two beyond that.

The perpetually, pleasingly piqued actor wasn't saying anything we didn't already know, but we still got something out of reading him nevertheless. Maybe there's a third journalism lesson in that.

Alec Baldwin just attended opening night of Gen Art film fest for his premiere of Lymelife and secretly walked out with Stylista winner Johanna Cox.

Not clear if Baldwin walked out during Lymelife or sometime after. Our tipster later clarified that Baldwin walked out during Lymelife.

A "Visions of Johanna" joke would work here, as would the trusty old "thoughtless little pig" reference. (That one never quite gets old, does it?)

• Rihanna might be a "loser" to Donald Trump for going back to Chris "I Will Kill You" Brown, but the singer presumably hopes the epic duet she's recording with Brown will set everyone straight. Decide for yourself if Rihanna deserves the inevitable late-night jokes about her "smash hit" and so forth.
• Marc Jacobs explained Photoshop shrinkage to Victoria Beckham. Concerning his nude photo in January's Harper's Bazzar: "They've done this horrible thing, Victoria. They've airbrushed me, so I look like a Ken doll." [WWD]
• Alec Baldwin doesn't care if you're 11 years old, or 12 years old, or a child — you will watch his Turner Classic Movies cinema showcase show when the appointed time comes, Saturday 8 pm, and have the decency to have the God-d*maned television turned on! [Variety]
• Eighteen months from blissful wedding to bitter divorce and the gossip columns. It's another JDate success story. Literally! [P6]
  
• Quentin Tarantino is going around town dressed like a bum. [P6]
  
• Now Paris Hilton has attached herself to Douglas Reinhardt from The Hills. It's too late to use tape recordings of their conversations on prisoners at Gitmo. [Mirror]

finwar's new line beats the original, "Can I Interest You in Some Champale?"

Namely, the McFlurry references felt organic, as 30 Rock has a habit of tying that sort of jokey, downmarket fast food to its most glamorous guest stars (witness Isabella Rossellini declaring her lifelong love for the Arby's "Big Beef and Cheddar" way back in Season One). No, it's the constant, prominent placement of the iPhone in the last two episodes that's really caught our eye. Every character seems to own one, make calls on one, and constantly show off pictures on one (in lengthy close-ups, no less)—even Jack Donaghy, who we totally figured for a Blackberry Storm man.

Here's a mere sampling of the iPhone's screen time over the last two weeks. And yes, we took these pictures off our TV using the iPhone. Can we have our money now?

• 30 Rock [NBC]