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How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps

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Poodle_Heart
04/07/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
people in hollywood aren't just naturally skinny? they're always talking bout how they love hamburgers and fries. that's not true?
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GuyBitchy
01/07/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
"Next week my fitness guru, Tracy Anderson, gives us an exclusive video to get our butt in shape for the new year!"

And to think... some people once considered you an actress.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha...
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Clarence Rosario
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
Try a spoon full of Drano.

Sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you feeling hollow inside.
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BookishLookish
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
You all can hate me, but that part about her drinking the castor oil and hallucinating? That made me laugh so hard.
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Hydroceph
01/06/09

@BookishLookish: I could never hate you, dearest Bookish. But i can laugh right along with you. Wouldn't hallucinating be a big, fat red flag waving before her eyes? Hellooooo? You're doing horrible things to your body and it's not pleased.
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axel_f
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
being pregnant has made me a little, er, sluggish in the bowel department and i've read online of pregnant women drinking castor oil to help. my doc said this was a big no no and to stick to metamucil/psyllium powders.
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BookishLookish
01/06/09

@axel_f: Add a bit of Colace to your diet. It cannot hurt the baby. Also, if you can stand it, prune juice. It is also full of vitamins.
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Spirit Fingers
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
Everybody poops, yes, this we know.

But, when you're in the john, doing your biz and somebody lets a monstrous one go in the stall next to yours, you do everything you can to get the hell out before the smell, or by God splatter, seeps beneath the partition. (Oh, yes, we're all really afraid of splatter, no matter how improbable.) This is not a moment of Kumbaya sharing. It is a moment of, "Dear Lord, how fast can I wipe, zip, flush, wash, and get out before I'm identifying odorous food-stuffs, not my own."

So, uh, yeah. That's how I feel about people sharing their poo.
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Hydroceph
01/06/09

@Spirit Fingers: Mercy flush, people! It's called a mercy flush!
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BookishLookish
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
Jesus, you could stack books on those shelf-like clavicles.

Here is my health tip to you, Gwynnie. Get your bony ass down to Katz's, chat up Benny a bit and slip him a fin for a nice lean-cut pastrami. Then eat it (a side of fries would not hurt either) and let your body "detox" naturally, i.e., in the way it would anyway.

Also: shut your trap.
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Spirit Fingers
01/06/09

@BookishLookish: Have you seen the amount of meat on those sandwiches? She won't shit for days, but it'll be totally worth it for a Katz's. Dang! I want one now. Thanks, Bookish, ruiner of my plan for a soup and salad today.
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BookishLookish
01/06/09

@Spirit Fingers: Eating a huge meat sam is the only way to kick-start a sluggish system used to ground-up nuts, lemon water and twigs!

Also: you're welcome.
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Rumpelstilskin
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
One girl, one half-cup?
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Looker
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
Fuck her and her detox. I'm still going to Pizza Hut for lunch today. Oh sorry, 'Pasta' Hut or whatever they are these days.
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Hydroceph
01/06/09

@Looker: And i'll continue my Diet Coke i.v. drip. Gimme dem chemicals!
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MrInBetween
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
Now we know the true meaning of three sections of Goop.com:

"Make"

"Do"

"See"
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Loki_Monster
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
Hey I'm pretty sure that a lengthy bender will do the same job. Not too long into the process she could be sporting some liver damage, shitting through a sieve and hallucinating, perhaps even in a "good way."
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jrhys
01/06/09

@Loki_Monster: Good point.
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Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
She was the worst part of Iron Man.
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Scout
01/06/09

@Itsjustcatnip: has she done anything lately worthy of mention? uhm

nope
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flossy
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
Can't wait for next week's "How to Grow Your Own Whole Organic Food with Homemade Fertilizer" tutorial.
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umamimama
01/06/09

@flossy: Why wait? You can learn about "Humanure" on the intertubes right now!

[en.wikipedia.org]
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flossy
01/06/09

@umamimama: ::shudder::
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Trixie from Toronto
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
A half a fucking cup of castor oil? NO! That shit is totally toxic. If you're trying to induce labour, some nurses will suggest you ingest about an eighth of a teaspoon to bring on contractions. I did that and pretty much shot my second kid out with a sneeze. That cannot be true.
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badasscat
01/06/09

@Trixie from Toronto: Wikipedia tells us the recommended dose is 2 oz., or 8 tablespoons. If that's the case, then she's exactly right. Unless she actually wrote that entry.

It is possible your doctors were overly cautious, thinking you didn't need nearly that much.
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Trixie from Toronto
01/06/09

@badasscat: I was told it was poisonous and to take more than a teaspoon was insanity. Plant experts tell you not to grow the castor bean plant thingy on your property if you have pets or small children. And, in fact, I had severe contractions five minutes after ingesting it. Eight tablespoons? I am going to declare Wikipedia FUCKED on that one.
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SinisterRouge
01/06/09

@Trixie from Toronto: Wikipedia giving less than accurate info? Nevah.
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Baroness
01/06/09

@Trixie from Toronto: I really wouldn't rely on any medical advice from freakin' Wikipedia. Jeezus.
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@Trixie from Toronto:

For what it's worth, in my youth I used to ride horses at agricultural shows. I used to give them about 2 tablespoons of castor oil in their feed in the morning before judging to get them to... er.... expel any potentially embarrassing effluent. And it was MORE than efficient.

So half a cup on a 90 pound starlet? Stand well clear and giddy-up.
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misslinda
01/06/09

@Baroness: Or from Gwenyth Paltrow. Double Jeezus.
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DevilsAvocado
01/06/09

@Baroness:

I'm going to pen a complaint to Mr. Wales STAT! Oh....
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BadUncle
01/06/09

@Trixie from Toronto: Plus, it's used to make ricin. It's a miracle plant!
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Trixie from Toronto
01/06/09

@Baroness: I wasn't but someone was holding that up as a reliable source for dosage guidelines. I don't think so, Jesus!
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Sara Benincasa
01/06/09

In reply to How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps
You are up so, so early writing about teh poopz. And for this, I thank you.
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