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Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie

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Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
Urgh, as much as I dislike those that avoid jury duty, I can sympathise somewhat with their reticence; my boyfriend got called last year, and served on a jury for a sexual assault/paedophilia case. And apparently, although they all believed the guy had done something, they couldn't do anything about it because the evidence was only circumstantial/not strong enough to convict. It was a real mind fuck for my boyfriend to hear that evidence, etc. and feel unable to do anything about it, and it's my worst fear that I should one day be called to serve, and have to face something similar.

Not that I wouldn't go, mind. Civil duties are an integral part of ensuring the democratic process.
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lobstr
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
I'd like $6 on "Series of Tubes" to place in the fifth ...
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JinxyMcDeath
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
Wait, we didn't get the best part of the story (via cnn):

She started a long rambling story about horse breeding, the Breeders' Cup, drugs, President Ford's son Steven and her condo in Florida being bugged.

[Judge] Sullivan interrupted her and said it was obvious that she would not have been able to continue deliberating.

He excused her from his court.
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MrInBetween
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
Did this wingnut's horse win or (hopefully) get struck by lightning in the starting gate?
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Unfun
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
If her father is not actually already dead, he should also look up for the rest of his life whilst walking outside, lest a piano fall on his head. Talking about a fucking jinx.
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AuntPenny
11/03/08

@Unfun: My very first thought. Except it was "anvil" instead of "piano."

I used the "my dad died" excuse seven times to get out of work. Seven times at the same job......eventually they figured it out. Then I invented a bunch of brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts. Pisses off my actual brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts 'cause I care about the fake ones more.
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andBegorrah
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
Shouldn't this be a Barbara Stanwyck comedy, wherein her trickster machinations eventually result in her and Stevens' beleaguered young lawyer - blessedly played by Gary Cooper - caught in a clinch in the supply closet of the jailhouse, shortly before it is discovered that her father, who she had believed long dead anyway, having turned to confidence schemes in her early orphanhood, has in fact just died and left her the keys to his luxury office furniture company? Sure, casting John Barrymore as Stevens is an unduly sentimental move, but no more so than his performing the quickie wedding at the end before heading off to prison, chagrined but admittedly still bemused at the damn charm of it all.
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TheHonJudgeSmails
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
Please tell me that the judge was using a penis pump under his bench.
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skahammer
11/03/08

@TheHonJudgeSmails: Because yours has gone missing recently?
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TheHonJudgeSmails
11/03/08

@skahammer: Are you joking? I have like 7 of those motherfuckers.
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lalaland13
11/03/08

@TheHonJudgeSmails: No, that's only in Oklahoma. Which is a heavily McCain state, interestingly enough.

Yes, I read that New Yorker article on red state sex.
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Aaron Altman
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
REPORTER: Did you do your civic duty?

STEVENS JUROR: Neigh!

REPORTER: Do you feel bad?

STEVENS JUROR: I wouldn't bet on it.

REPORTER: You'd rather bet on horses than help administer justice?

STEVENS JUROR: Guess you could say I have a one-track mind.

REPORTER: What are you gonna do now?

STEVENS JUROR:

I'm gonna play a game of horseshoes. A game of HORSESHOOOOOES.
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contradicto
11/03/08

@Aaron Altman: Quit horseing around.
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andBegorrah
11/03/08

@Aaron Altman: Mare-y me.
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es-ki-mo
11/03/08

@Aaron Altman: You're such a stud.
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contradicto
11/03/08

@Aaron Altman: I can't believe they convicted him. I would have thought the jury would have been hung like a horse.
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Mount_Prion
11/03/08

@Aaron Altman: This excuse is horseshit. They should have realized it was fake from right out the gate.
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Aaron Altman
11/03/08

@Mount_Prion: @contradicto: @Dandy Darkly: @es-ki-mo: @andBegorrah: He/she has a future on Broadway.
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es-ki-mo
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
In the juror's defense, Barack The Casbah was racing Alaska Later, Sad Grandpa, Are You OFey?, Pills Pills PIlls, and Hot Toddy. It was a sure thing.
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BookishLatkeish
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
So in other words, Alaska is chockful of liars, crooks and thieves? Why haven't we made it a chilly penal colony yet?
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contradicto
11/03/08

@BookishLookish: The trial took place in D.C., but yes.
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Aaron Altman
11/03/08

@BookishLookish: Alaskaustralia?
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Gosukusan
11/03/08

@BookishLookish:

DC is already pretty much a penal colony. Have you been there lately?
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BookishLatkeish
11/03/08

@Aaron Altman: Alaskatraz?
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BookishLatkeish
11/03/08

@contradicto: Duh. Thank you for not mocking me for my ig.
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JinxyMcDeath
11/03/08

In reply to Stevens Juror Admits Dead Dad Lie
Throw her in jail. This is akin to my roommate refusing to even register to vote because she doesn't want to risk getting picked to serve as a juror on a long murder trial (which other than being far-fetched is not even true as jury duty to not determined through voter registration). I want to punch her in the face.

We don't have a draft, people - is it really so hard to give a relatively TEENY portion of your time in your life to civic duty?
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IamnotStarJones
11/03/08

@JinxyMcDeath: so many people feel that they should never have to sacrifice anything for being American citizens.

You don't have to punch her in the face but can you put Visine in her coffee?
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FracturedAcetabulum
11/03/08

@IamnotStarJones: maybe I'm naive, but what does putting Visine in the coffee do?
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braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.
11/03/08

@IamnotStarJones: What...what will that do?
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Gosukusan
11/03/08

@JinxyMcDeath:

I've been noticed for jury duty, and I'm not even a citizen. Had to go down to court to show them my passport. Pain in the ass! Tell your roomate she has no reason to not vote - not paying taxes might work though, if she doesn't mind risking the jail time.
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Unfun
11/03/08

@JinxyMcDeath: I heard this reasoning for years growing up, from my mother. You may now all marvel at how I became the brilliant woman that I am coming from such stock.
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allyzay
11/03/08

@JinxyMcDeath: this situation is exactly nothing (0%) like your own personal situation in which you are weirdly offended and all up in your roommate's perfectly legal personal business but okay! nothin' like a good "throw 'em in jail" to get the day started.
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