Throwaway husband Kris Humphries goes into the jewelry business. Michael Bublé calls Kim Kardashian a "bitch." Leonardo DiCaprio turns 37. Kristen Stewart on her Twilight premiere dress: "Well, it's purple and it's a gown." Tuesday gossip is addicted to fame.

Aesthetically perfect Adrian Lima stopped by the Early Show to promote the upcoming televised Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and talk about life, I guess. Don't ask me what she said though, I only heard "Dream Weaver", mouth agape.

[Adriana Lima models Victoria's Secret's "$2 Million Bombshell Fantasy Bra," an undergarment containing 60 carats of white diamonds and 82 carats of topaz and sapphire. This is Victoria's Secret being recession-friendly; 2008's "Fantasy Bra" was worth $5 million. More inside.]

The Montag-Pratts formally end their divorce charade. Heidi Klum quits Victoria's Secret. Lindsay Lohan wears fancy outfits at rehab. Charlie Sheen's daughter has a Twilight-themed wedding. TGIFriday gossip.

Christina Hendricks won Esquire's "best-looking woman" contest. But she's still stuck in bracket battles for Sexiest Woman Alive, and doesn't even have a rank in Women We Love. Why can't they be more straightforward? Need to know how to judge.

• The feud between Al Roker and America's most despicable couple continues. After the Today show canceled an interview with Spencer and Heidi Pratt, Spencer took to Twitter to air his rage: "I thought you were out of town getting your stomache [sic] staped [sic] again... Do you always look like your [sic] about to…

Four babies later, Klum continues to be unreasonably sexy; Lindsay Lohan had a "meltdown" after getting caught stealing champagne; Flavor Flav produces a Super Bowl ad. Come be blinded by the light of a thousand Monday gossips.

Stephanie Pratt, sister to creepy blondebeard Spencer, got DUI'd. Roman Polanski got out of jail! Kinda. Mickey Rourke, mobster groupie? Penn Badgley should huff paint. Pam Anderson's big train and Tommy Lee's big wang. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!

• Madonna reveals all sorts of juicy, personal stuff in an interview in the November issue of Rolling Stone. Like how she really wanted to work with Eminem, but he turned her down (ouch); how her graffiti tag name back in the '80s was "Boy Toy" (how ironic!); and how she was a total geek in high school, just like…

Blow a kiss in Adriana Lima's direction. The supermodel turns 28 today. Others celebrating: Yankees star Hideki Matsui is turning 35. Deputy mayor Kevin Sheekey is turning 43. David Rockefeller is 94. Sports Marv Albert is turning 68. Real estate broker Michele Kleier is 66. Hunter College president Jennifer Raab…

Lily Allen trashes Susan Boyle on Twitter, Jon and Kate face the "dark side of reality," Kelly Bensimon is annoying the shit out of people all over the place, Katherine Heigl got fired from another project for being a diva, and Tori Spelling looks horrendous in a bikini.

• Despite the fact his dad says they're planning a Kabbalah commitment ceremony and he's currently shacking up at her apartment, Jesus Luz tells a Brazilian TV station that Madonna is "just a friend." Also: He really doesn't mind it if you refer to him as her "boy toy." [NYDN]
• Kiefer Sutherland has apologized to …

• Are Americans finally shopping again? Maybe. Retail sales were up slightly in April. [NYT]
• Gucci has filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against Guess? Inc. [BN]
• Alessandra Stanley's Times review of Bravo's Project Runway-ripoff, The Fashion Show, featuring Isaac Mizrahi, Kelly Rowland and Fern Mallis,…

• Mayor Bloomberg has pronounced it "Sparkle Week" in NYC as part of an effort to give a boost to the jewelry industry. They sure could use the help: Retailers in the Diamond District report that sales have dropped by more than 50 percent over the past year. [NYM, Crain's]
• Jil Sander's new Madison Avenue store has…

• Andre Balazs and Sharon Stone were seen cuddling on a couch "all night" at the Oscar party at Guy Oseary's home on Sunday, and looked like they "couldn't have been more into each other." We're beginning to sense a pattern here, how about you? [NYDN]
• Newlyweds Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo are expecting a baby. […

• Get the welcome wagon ready: Jennifer Aniston may be moving to New York soon, both to be closer to John Mayer and because she's filming her next two movies here. [Fox 411]
• A bunch of people who attended Madonna, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's Oscars party at Guy Oseary's house ended up leaving early and heading…

Not that Padma Lakshmi needed any help in ensnaring her next billionaire boyfriend, but this can't hurt: Indian models are apparently the next big thing in the modeling world, an industry that is finally recognizing "their potential and versatility in selling high fashion," reports ABC News. Willowy Brazilians …

♦ Heidi Klum, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Karolina Kurkova were just a few of the models who took to the stage in Miami this weekend for the Victoria's Secret show where the company unveiled its latest publicity stunt at the celeb-packed event, the $5 million Black Diamond Fantasy Miracle Bra by jeweler…