Who're you gonna believe, me or your lying obligate paternal allele? John Edwards once said it's "not possible" that he's the father of Rielle Hunter's daughter, but the National Enquirer reports a DNA test has proven he's indeed the father.

Rielle Hunter, the former mistress and current baby-mama to moral cripple John Edwards, is ratting him out (we hope) to a federal grand jury investigating whether Edwards violated campaign-finance laws by paying her $114,000 to keep her mouth shut.

Doug Hampton, the husband of John Ensign's mistress, says Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) urged Ensign to pay Hampton off to the tune of $1.2 million to make the whole mess go away. Now Coburn won't talk, claiming doctor-patient privilege.

Guanabee, because they speak Spanish, connects all the dots: This woman, named María Belén Chapur, is being identified by Argentinian television as Mark Sanford's paramour. It's not that other lady from Facebook.

A barrage of conflicting and completely unreliable information is coming out about Mark Sanford's mistress. Let's have a look!

It turns out that María Belén Chapur/Shapur, the woman identified by the Argentinian press as Gov. Mark Sanford's mistress, does not work for an agribusiness concern called Bunge y Born, after all. So we really know nothing about her, still.

Argentinian news sources have outed Gov. Mark Sanford's mistress as María Belén Chapur—some are spelling her last name "Shapur"—a 43-year-old agribusiness executive. According to reports, there are camera crews staking our her apartment right now.

No, of course it's not too soon! Marshall "Mark" Sanford's abject, prostrate confession this afternoon was wrenching to watch, and has already inspired some outbursts of much-needed sympathy from the punditocracy. It's best to be prepared for a backlash.

Doug Hampton, the cuckolded husband of Sen. John Ensign's mistress, wrote a letter to Fox News five days before the story broke that Ensign had ruined his life and career. Fox never reported it, and called Hampton an extortionist.

John Ensign, a Republican senator from Nevada, has admitted cheating on his wife with a staffer. But it was a lady staffer, so big whoop.

Nothing good ever happens when you're in Canada. Take the case of a white-collar pauper who traveled North only to have his wife back home cheat with a lawyer. Enraged and hurt, the pioneer started emailing everyone he knows.

Elizabeth Edwards has been demanding that her interviewers not utter the name of that woman—Rielle Hunter—as a condition for granting interviews. And CNN, Oprah, and NBC News have all caved.

Just one item this morning, about a daring gent who was caught in flagrante delicto with the wrong woman. "Which famous playboy is in a fair bit of trouble after sleeping with a married woman? The scorned husband is now threatening to beat - and permanently maim - the lover." [Mirror]

Apart from the beneficial services it provides in facilitating bad oral sex between coke-having hipsters and the women who would never blow them were it not for the huge pile of drugs they provided, Craigslist has also been invaluable in offering new channels through which one can conduct extortion. Take, for…