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advice
not afraid to be servicey
How To Not Storm Off the Internet in a Huff
Yesterday, a grown man threw a tantrum and stormed off the internet. Because we bullied him. It wasn't pretty. Are we proud? Well, it's a living. We spent today mulling over some wise advice we received. And, of course, it's true. We should be constructive! In the spirit of friendship, we'll explain how to survive the Internet without letting the bastards get you down. Heed our words, and you'll never have to shut down another blog. Or quit a message board, or ban yourself from a comments section. Never again will you hear the sirens of the waaaahmbulance. More »
advice
Girl: 'Should I Move Home?' Cary Tennis: 'I am a child of Florida's warm, wet indolence'
Salon's clinically insane advice columnist Cary Tennis today gets the chance to respond to the most stereotypical post-college question imaginable. A 24-year-old girl moved to LA to get into the film industry, found out it was shady, and got bummed out. Now she can't decide whether to move home to Florida and save up some money, or go backpacking across Thailand on a spiritual journey. We've all been there! Ann Landers gets 46 letters identical to this every week. So how does our friend Cary handle this easy setup? With his trademark brand of scary, dissociated ramblings indicative of an advanced case of schizophrenia or excessive mescaline use: More »
spencer pratt
Hills Pretty Boy Is One Expensive Bouncer
Don't expect to roll mobb deep to the club with Hills star Spencer Pratt unless you're ready to spread around some serious cash, my friend. In his closely-read advice column in Radar this week, the boy wonder responds to a needy fan—whom we envision wearing a tight shirt and a year-round tan—who's in anguish over only being able to hit the town with five of his boys at a time. "You can't roll in anywhere with more than five guys holding your hand," he explains. How can he satisfy all of his other homeboys who want to hold his hand in the club? Spencer says: Money money money money, monnneeeeyyyyyyy: More »
advice
New Jersey Turns to Dear Abby For Desperately Needed Help
Yesterday's Dear Abby column featured the sad tale of a 38-year-old woman, five months pregnant, who is concerned that when she goes clubbing with her fiance (of five years) "Troy," he sticks her with his "best friend" and disappears for hours. When she finds him, he is "sweaty and has a weird look on his face." He insists there's nothing up. Signed, "Suspicious in New Jersey." That is the most stereotypically Jersey advice column letter ever, right? Well, besides the one immediately following it: More »
cary tennis
"Fuck him. Fuck you. Fuck it all," Says Advice Columnist
Cary Tennis: Your Source For Stone Cold Crazy Advice. The Salon advicemonger and generally confused and confusing man today receives a sincere question from a girl about her hard-partying friend, who gets drunk and cheats on her boyfriend, most recently by having "consensual, unprotected sex with one of the Marines" that she met on a night out. What should she do to help her friend? Cary Tennis makes sure she regrets that she ever asked that question. Because Cary Tennis can read her friend's mind: More »
Advice
Sometimes I miss print. At least then, there were space constraints. The internet knows no editing. Today on Salon, constantly wrong-headed advice columnst Cary Tennis fields a 1,300 word question from a melancholy Ivy League student whose primary problem is that she's kinda homesick and no one pays any attention to her in her huge faceless elite East Coast school. She misses misses the West Coast! She doesn't even want to go into publishing anymore! Also, roommate drama! Tennis's advice: exercise. Yes, YouTube is great, but this column wouldn't have happened in the pre-Web world. [Salon]
First Spencer, Now This
"Al-Qaida No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahri will soon answer the hundreds of questions submitted by journalists, militants and others about the terrorist network's future, its media wing announced Wednesday.[...]Al-Sahab announced in December that al-Zawahri would take questions from the public posted on Islamic militant Web sites and would respond 'as soon as possible.'" [AP, Related]
"Al-Qaida No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahri will soon answer the hundreds of questions submitted by journalists, militants and others about the terrorist network's future, its media wing announced Wednesday.[...]Al-Sahab announced in December that al-Zawahri would take questions from the public posted on Islamic militant Web sites and would respond 'as soon as possible.'" [AP, Related]
books
The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever
Fox News has an article on How to Live Longer, tips from The Blue Zone: Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who've Lived the Longest author Dan Buettner. A few suggestions: "Give away your normal-sized dinner plates and replace them with 9" ones." "Weigh yourself every day for two years. You'll loose (sic) 17 pounds." Actually, death sounds more fun.
arts & crafts
Cary Tennis Finally Offers Interesting Advice
"So do this: Take out a sheet of paper and draw two intersecting circles. On one side draw a penis and on the other side draw a vagina. In the intersection put the penis and the vagina."–Salon advice columnist Cary Tennis, today. [Salon]
sex wars
Warring Couple Communicates Through Advice Columns
In late January, a widowed man asked Slate's "Dear Prudence" about his prudish gal-friend: he wanted to sleep "in the nude" with her, citing the "intimacy" of said experience. She, on the other hand, felt the exact opposite. Today, in the Chicago Tribune's "Ask Amy" column, the exact same question was posed — this time, from the woman's perspective! Is each half of this couple reaching out, through an advice column? Or is someone pulling a fast one on the Tribune? (Based on the nearly-identical wording, we think that's the case!) Click for matching his n' hers letters. More »
don't ever change
Julia Allison's Therapy Chat Could Change Her Forever
Julia Allison went to sunny South Florida for sunbathing and a geekfest this weekend and got, perhaps, more Gawker coverage than she bargained for. A bunch of people leered at her nipple, there was rampant speculation about her connection to Digg founder Kevin Rose, and after the whole thing was over Allison posted some angsty words on her Tumblr. Then, today, Allison entered into some impromptu unlicensed counseling with, we are reliably informed, Gawker blogger Nick Douglas, in a chat Allison posted to her blog. Douglas' advice? At the moment Time Out New York columnist and Star editor Allison's fame is at new heights, she should "step away from the camera" and "run everything by Rachel Sklar," the Huffington Post editor. Hmmm. Given Allison wrote she finds blogging "FUN!!!" even in the wake of having her chest ogled on the Web, why retreat now, when a big media gig, trophy husband or both could be right around the corner? Read Douglas' advice and post your own after the jump. Read at least the last couple of lines of the Allison chat, they are priceless: More »
advice
Nina Disesa On Men
Angry McCann Erickson ad agency executive Nina Disesa reminisced fondly to the press today about her former colleague Paul Tilley, who committed suicide late last week. She commended his wisdom and sense of humor. Kind words, and quite a contrast to her assessment of anti-Tilley bloggers as hateful, bitter losers. It's worth pointing out, amidst all the hubbub, that Disesa is currently flogging her book, "Seducing The Boys Club," about how to survive and thrive as a woman in a man's world. Its observations seem to have informed her blog-relations tactics. Below, some of Disesa's top "practical, outrageous, and even controversial maxims" for dealing with men—the dogs! More »
advice
Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness
When we last checked in on Salon's crazy columnist Cary Tennis, he was angrily telling all his online critics to leave him alone. And he hasn't heard anything from us since! Unfortunately, outside criticism was the only thing keeping Cary tethered to reality. Its absence has him backsliding, as evidenced by his response yesterday to a rich guy asking if he should leave the suburbs because he hates it, even though he has a new, expensive house. What about the commuting situation, and the volatile housing market,and his wife's career? So many factors to consider. Is he being rash? And Cary Tennis replied: Why not move to my imaginary Fantasy Land, instead? More »
New York Post's Page Six In Gawker Spell Hijinks
From today's Page Six:
Her name is Megan Carpentier, not Carpenter. Defamer post on Brad Redfro is here.
From today's Page Six:Her name is Megan Carpentier, not Carpenter. Defamer post on Brad Redfro is here.
no one asked
Leave Cary Tennis Alone!
Salon advice columnist Cary Tennis uses today's column to respond to his numerous vitriolic online critics. To sum up, people who criticize him are stupid and mean and when they die no one will care. "Perhaps they are accustomed to owning the world and naming the chairs. They see a person sitting in the advice giver's chair who is not doing it the way it has always been done, and they are infuriated, and they believe that they own that chair and they know who should be sitting there. It's as if they want to call the club membership to a vote." Also making fun of Cary reinforces the class system! Seriously, someone needs to explain what he's actually going on about here. We lost him a couple paragraphs before "Lack of self-knowledge is truly a luxury of the self-absorbed." Stop naming the chairs! [Salon]
advice
"Do Not Write A Bad Novel About Life At Gawker With Angst Or Even Waspish Humor"
The following is a 100% authentic email about what I should do next from my mom's father. Two things to know: He makes wine with grapes he grows himself in Southern Maryland! Also, he is alive (it was the other one). More »
ask tionna
