• Tinsley Mortimer's reality show Empire State gets more and more interesting. Now they've signed on phone-hacking flack Ali Wise as one of the "co-stars." They filmed her at a party at the Alice Olivia pop up store this weekend—a party also attended by reality whole and fictional reporter Betsey Morgenstern's boyfriend Freddie Fackelmayer—and a camera crew was spotted with her on October 19 when she was arraigned for breaking into romantic rival Nina Freudenberger's voicemail with something called a spoof card. Well, we will certainly be spoofing this show, and we hope that the CW will make a huge star out of Ali. It's the wise thing to do. And the puns just won't stop coming. We love this chick! Producers are a little worried what's going to happen to her after her next court date January 14. We suggest the sexiest version of Scared Straight ever. [Gatecrasher]
• Harry Potter star Emma Watson isn't exactly a slut, but she sure has been dating a lot. She was out on a date with fellow Brown student Rafael Cebrian at the Rangers game on Saturday with Yves Saint Laurent creative director Stefano Pilati as her gay chaperon. So, what did she do with ex-boyfriend, financier Jay Barrymore? Maybe she just cast a spell of invisibility on him. [P6]
• Lady Gaga's penis bought pizza for all the gays her fans who waited overnight to get her autograph in L.A. That's sweet, but doesn't she know her fans the gays still aren't eating carbs. [People]
• Hey everyone, Rosie Perez got a job! Congrats! She's costarring with Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell in some movie called The Other Guys, and they were filming during the real Knicks game on Saturday night. Brooke Shields also made an appearance. They also got Tracy Morgan for free, since he had courtside seats near where they were filming. [Gatecrasher]
• Even though her haircut says she is, model Agyness Deyn is not a lesbian. [P6]
• Jennifer Lopez says she meant to fall on her ass during her performance of the loathesome single "Louboutins" at the American Music Awards. She also said that Gigli is supposed to be unfunny. No guile in that girl. [NYDN]
• Gossip dowager Cindy Adams let us know that the the Sex and the City sequel (also known as Carrie Bradshaw and the Temple of Doom) is filming in Morocco and all the ladies are staying in different hotels. She also tells us about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade back when they didn't have balloons so they just tied ropes to Pterodactyls and it was a great day in New Amersterdam. [Cindy Adams]

The story goes that the other Strokes, no abstainers themselves, were so concerned about Hammond's recent behavior that they urged him to check into an L.A. rehab within the past few days. Hammond's stay has reportedly delayed recording sessions in New York for the Strokes fourth album, and is said to be costing the band a small fortune. No word on whether this supposed spiral had anything to do with the demise of his relationship with British supermodel Agyness Deyn. We emailed Hammond's mouthpiece at Nasty Little Man p.r. about this nasty little rumor, and are awaiting an official response. We hope he's okay!

• Jon Gosselin was the guest of honor at a pool party in Vegas. Whereas a pool party would sound like an enjoyable experience anywhere else, in Vegas, it's the sixth circle of hell. It looks something like this:

  Upon arriving on the red carpet, Gosselin told reporters, "It looks like we'll have a good time" – as 2,000 people danced and drank alcohol to the sounds of rock, hip hop and house music. Not everyone was necessarily happy to see him, though. As he walked on the red carpet, one bikinied woman stood on a railing and shouted, "Team Kate".

  Come on. Just, like, amazing. Note the detail of how she's in a bikini. Anyway, he got a bunch of numbers and apparently brought his mom there, too? This guy's just, yeah. The verdict's in. Team Kate, indeed. Oh, and MGM Hotel and Casino: Classy. [People]
  
  

• Meanwhile, Kate—even though her hair could use some, uh, toning down—put the rumors about her being with the family's bodyguard to rest. They had their own pool party with the bodyguard and his wife, and E! helpfully points out that he patrolled the perimeter on an ATV, playing watchdog over the family. Since Jon was, you know, in Vegas. [E!]
  
  
• Joe Francis says Brody Jenner has a small dick. First off: takes one to know one, BRAH. Second: the New York Times has some helpful news for Jenner! If he can't get it big, he might still be able to keep it up. Really, though, there's so much homoerotic tension between these guys. I've always secretly thought Girls Gone Wild is the kind of overcompensating shit someone deeply insecure about their sexuality would produce. Then again, who doesn't want a free hat, right? Community service. [D Listed]
  
  
• Kelly Preston pulled out of a "grief panel" where she was going to discuss the death of her son, Jett. Nope. No more. Maybe because she'd get asked a question about the sketchy circumstances surrounding it, including (but not limited to!) the Scientology cover-up of Jett's autism. Unfortunately, you can only get so many Roger Friedmans fired, and once you run out, there are no heads to be put on corporate platters! And that happened. [NYDN]
  
  
• Serena Williams and Common are hooking up? Did not know. There is, indeed, a light in celebrity gossip, sometimes. [Page Six]
  
  
• See this plastic bag? It's the most beautiful thing in the world. And it costs too much for me to ever have. Name the movie! American Beauty star Wes Bentley is defaulting on his AmEx for $90K. Maybe he can sell some weed to pay the bill? [TMZ]
  
  
• The first lady of oil-rich Gabon is in California living on food stamps? (A) Africa is crazy and (B) of course Page Six would pick this up. Love it. [Page Six]
  
  
• The guy from Sum 41 and Avril Lavigne are "headed for splitsville" according to the Daily News. They get Gabon and you get this? Weak, Daily News. Sorry, but you just can't compete with geopolitical scandelousness with Canadian pop-punksters. [NYDN]
  
  
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson don't talk about Twilight, like, ever. Dare not say they sacred name! Just like how media people never talk about the media. Really, though: I wonder if they're bigger Harry Potter fans. Don't forget, folks, Pattinson was Cedric Diggory waybackwhen. There's a distinct air of truth to this. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Tina Fey takes her FeyCay on Fire Island. Everyone there is apparently resisting the urge to make the Sarah Palin joke about Fire Island/Manhattan and Alaska/Russia. Which makes me concerned that the people in the Hamptons might be funnier. [Page Six]
  
  
• Albert Hammond Jr. of The Strokes sold his East Village pad for less than $1M (ouch?) and him an Agyness Deyn are gonna move into a hotel for a while. 3:1 on the Bowery Hotel, 8:1 on the Cooper Square, but if they drop into The Hotel on Rivington, every last remaining shred of indie cred: gone. [Page Six]
  
  
• Maybe I'm amazed that Paul McCartney still has the power to deal with all of these women coming in and out of his life. Then again, maybe I'm not, and he probably doesn't need your New York Times penile resuscitation squad to do so, thank you. His current lady, Nancy Shevell, is avoiding his last lady, Heather Mills, who's been stalking around his Amaganssett house. Which, I mean, pretty impressive, Heather Mills. Must get tiring, though, right? [Page Six]

And, on that note: happy Sunday. We'll leave it to the Walrus himself to take us out. Paul?

But that's not all! Agyness Deyn wears suspenders and retro band T-shirts and and she, like, DJs and has a band and likes rocker dudes. She might try acting one day but, like, she doesn't know yet and all, but she's, like, "into stuff that really pushes the boundaries, raises the bar ... like, puts you out of your comfort zone," but for now she's, like, just hanging out downtown trying to figure it all out, so the New York Times wrote, like, a big feature on her where they said she is "the visual articulation of our culture's unspoken hopes and latent desires," whatever the hell that means.

"You know, even though I'm in fashion, I don't, like, do fashion," she said. "Fashion isn't me, even though I work in it. It's just materialistic stuff. I just want to do whatever makes me happy."

What makes Ms. Deyn happy?

"Like being totally conscious. Laughing is, like, my favorite thing to do. Being with friends, having fun ... being a bit daft."

It is hard to say if she eschews her supermodel role because she doesn't have the id or will to assert it or because she doesn't fully understand her own potential. But this, again, may be part of the construct of Ms. Deyn's media persona: she projects a cultivated lack of savvy, as if she were acting from a Buddhist compulsion to consciously guard herself from arriving at too intimate an understanding of such worldly filth.

Does she intend to spontaneously skip any Fashion Weeks, as she did last fall?

"I don't know," she said, airily. "I kind of make the decision a week before. I love doing it, but then sometimes I'm doing another project or something."

So yeah, Agyness Deyn isn't some vapid model bitch like so many of the others who are, like, all stupid and lazy and have had everyone kiss their boney asses all their lives because they're pretty. You see, with Agyness Deyn, it's, like, all just an act. She may, like, come across like a insufferably dim bulb, but she's, like, really the reincarnation of Ludwig van Beethoven, Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison all in the same androgynous body. And now you know.

A Supermodel Who Is Of The Moment, and Thinking Ahead [New York Times]

SidAndFinancy's new line beats the original, "Set Phasers to Hobo."

As we were walking in, we saw 16-year-old MisShapes muse Jackson Pollis heading out. "You're not sticking around?" we asked. "Naw," he said, "Geordan's being a bitch," Heh! Fame will do that to you. Pollis headed into the night.

To the credit of Rock and Republic, the label that cosponsored the party, it was rather fashionable and rocking. LCD Soundsystem was playing later in the night (around 1:30) and a couple members of the Roots were deejaying in a corner. In the upstairs VIP section, DJ Steve Aoki (AKA the son of Rocky Aoki of Benihana and half-brother of Devon Aoki of supermodeldom) was embracing Mark the Cobrasnake, who was wearing a large gold Chai necklace and tie-dye.

Another DJ, Tommie Sunshine, showed up looking like a cheap Chris Robinson (or so said a disappointed paparazzo). His girlfriend, Daniela M., who is one of the "Top 20 Most Creative Italians on Myspace," was wearing a full-facial motorcycle helmet and refused to take it off all night. Actorboy Danny Masterson was somewhere too. Allegedly.

On the stage, James Friedman and LCD Soundsystem began performing. Radar robot Neel Shah was hanging out with Daily Candy's NYC editor Jeralyn Gerba. Agyness Deyn was with a truly strange looking Smeagol-like gentlemen in a fedora; they danced a saltarello. With the lasers and the smoke, it all felt very Pink Floyd Light Show at the Franklin Institute Planetarium circa 1998. There's a lot worse things to be than that.

[Correction: We just found out via the PR company, the party technically didn't have an affiliation with Condé Nast Fashion Rocks. Such is the chaotic shitshow of Fashion Week.]