• Dark Knight star Christian Bale is accused of assaulting his own mother and sister. Police apparently waited to question Bale about the incident because "it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere." Yes, one wouldn't want to interrupt the celebration of a fictional vigilante crime fighter with an awkward attempt to, you know, fight crime. [Sun]
• Alec Baldwin's book A Promise To Ourselves is about how the screwed up divorce and family court system made him very angry, resulting in the famously abusive voice mail he left his daughter. You know what else makes Baldwin very angry? Being rescheduled four times for an interview with Diane Sawyer about the book, just because her husband went into heart surgery or whatever. [R&M]
• Sarah Jessica Parker has an art competition show, and it's headed for Bravo. The creators of Project Runway are involved. [P6]
• Harvey Weinstein's Weinstein Co. is expanding with a full 11,000-square-foot floor in a TriBeCa building. Their credit is still good! Or at least it is with their old landlord. [Post]
• Britney Spears looks good in a bikini again, thanks to the magic of cool, refreshing cigarettes. [Egotastic]
• Madonna is taking time off from her tour under doctor's orders. Supposedly, the pop star fired two dancers and her tour manager was on the verge of walking out. "One of her closest pals says she has never seen Madonna so low." [Sun]
• Alex Rodriguez is negotiating with his wife Cynthia in New York this week to "quickly settle their divorce" and "avoid a public 'slugfest.'" Oh, good. Because one can only imagine the salacious gossip that might emerge from such a situation. [Post]
• Al Reynolds was spotted at Miami Fashion Week with a woman "who was the spitting image" of Star Jones, complete with four-inch stilettos. [Post]
• Larry Mendte, the Philadelphia TV news co-anchor of cop-puncher Alycia Lane, was charged by the feds with reading Lane's email, including during breaks from the 11 o'clock news, and presumably for also forwarding her email to various tabloids, because if low-grade email snooping alone is a federal crime this guy is one unlucky bastard. [P6]
• Miley Cyrus is interested in taking the movie role of "a lovable, lost suburban girl who descends into a life of reckless partying and promiscuity." How does Vanity Fair continue to manipulate her this way?? [Scoop]
• Fashion line Guess wants its lead model to look like Amy Winehouse. On purpose. [P6]
• Paris Hilton is maybe tired of boyfriend Benji Madden, even though she recently wanted to marry him and have his babies, according to rumor and so forth. [E!]

• Jennifer Aniston and boyfriend John Mayer got into a hotel pool in Miami, and there were pictures, and everyone found this very exciting for some reason. The Sun went above and beyond, as usual, with shots of the two parts of the actress' body any experienced reader of the British tabloid would expect it to focus on. (Photo from X17)
• Richard Simmons signed DVDs in aisle six of a Chicago Walgreens, and TMZ managed to find something unfunny to write about it: "One woman even passed out because she was so excited to see him! Well, she actually passed out because of complications from her being a diabetic. Close enough!" [TMZ]
• Here are pictures of Jenna Bush in her Oscar de la Renta wedding dress. Also, sober. [GaySocialites]
• Weird club scene: A newly single Al Reynolds was hitting on women and "drinking all night with his pinky in the air." Sean Combs, in the same establishment, was sitting in the corner reading a book. [P6]
• Meanwhile, in a West Hollywood club, Lindsay Lohan was crying, probably about having to return that fur coat. [P6]
• One-legged Heather Mills promised to buy two artificial legs for a Russian mother and then never paid up, said British friends of the Russian. There are so many puns I could make right now, if I worked at TMZ. [News Of The World]
• People saw Kate Hudson wearing an engagement ring and got very excited, thinking the actress was about to marry fellow crazy Owen Wilson. But it turns out she's just shooting a movie about brides. It's not like you can slip in and out of wardrobe at will. [Us]
• Madonna said the f-word twice at a concert in England and almost exposed her boobs, and people complained, as though that's not what you pay Madonna to do. [Sun]

• Jennifer Lopez is going to star in a TLC reality show about raising her twins. Oh this is going to be awesome. We're going to get to see all of the crazy stuff Tom Cruise and Lopez's other Scientologist advisers had installed for the little ones: the security cameras, "sterile" baby wing, sanitized flowers and the staff of baby bodyguards and color therapist.
• Semi-retired comedian Rosie O'Donnell on Star Jones' divorce from Al Reynolds: "we all fool rselves [sic] / sometimes." Also, Drudge dropped her from his blogroll for some reason. [Ask Ro]
• Amy Winehouse got high in the street, headbutted someone, punched someone in the face, stiffed her cabbie and made out with some dude. Leave it to Fleet Street to hype up a typical Wednesday night like it's some big thing. [Sun]
• Ashley Olsen's mansion is undergoing a $1.6 million spruce-up and the actress was kind of wondering if she could crash at your place for a while?? Five-star hotels get so lonely. [Star]
• Doogie Howser went on Ellen and pretended to have his head cut off. This is the same guy who didn't want any more Britney Spears cameos on his sitcom because it infringed on his artistic integrity. [YouTube]
• John Mayer is totally going to work his way up to black belt. [X17]
• Meadow from Sopranos broke up with her boyfriend. [Us]
• FHM magazine decided Megan Fox was the hottest woman in the entire world, this year. Angelina Jolie slipped four places to number 12, because pregnancy is so not hot, and Britney Spears somehow rejoined the list at #100, because crazy is very much hot. [OK!]
• We have all made Naomi Campbell so furious with our incompetence that either her hair is falling out or the supermodel is tearing it out. [Sun]

Foolywang Material [YB&F via ONTD]

Last week Al Reynolds visited the offices of the divorce law firm Blank Rome LLP in New York's Chrysler building. MediaTakeOut.com spoke exclusively with a building employee who first noticed Star's soon-to-be-ex. According to the witness, "Al walked up to the security desk and signed in to visit [one of the Blank Rome's divorce lawyers] Stanford Lotwin."

Lotwin has handled divorces for Howard Stern, Donald Trump, Geraldo Rivera and Diana Ross, but presumably this will be his first case handling a gay marriage.

UPDATE: Reynolds publicist has called to tell us that Reynolds was not in NYC when he was allegedly seen at the law firm. Oh well — guess he'll just go back to suppressing those nasty little urges.

Al Reynolds Visits High-Profile Divorce Lawyer [Media Take Out]

Guess we'll have to go with both.

Star Jones Cheats Death as She Undergoes Plastic Surgery [National Enquier]

The story of a woman happy as a beard paired with the story of a woman who was murdered by her husband? If we cared about Star, we'd consider this some sort of warning. Really, we don't know how hubby Al couldn't be filled with all sorts of rage.

Gay Al Reynolds: The New Scott Peterson? [Kenneth in the 212]

"You Are My Dream" from DREAMGIRLS because I remember thinking..."one day, someone will say that to me"...and he did.

The couple that quotes Broadway together, stays together. In separate bedrooms, of course.

What's the Most Romantic Broadway Song Ever? [BroadwayWorld.com]

Wise choice style choice, Mr. Reynolds. You're in good, masculine company. Other definitely straight men with dreadlocks:

• Lenny Kravitz
• Adam Duritz
• Zack de la Rocha
• Bob Marley
• Gary Oldman circa True Romance
• Terrence Trent D'Arby (now known as Sananda Maitreya)

Big, Gay and Dreaded [cityrag]