Quentin Tarantino is suing his neighbor, fellow Oscar winning writer Alan Ball over Ball's pet macaws, which "emit blood-curdling screams." Fair enough! But Tarantino's lawsuit is ridiculously worded, and starts off by quoting Goethe: "He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home." Good…

Though, sadly, he's no Mulder. Also today: Miramax has finally been bought! Yay for millionaires! Comedy Central has a new sitcom in the works, and HBO has intriguing new projects.

Did you watch last night's season three premiere of True Blood, HBO's soupy (and soapy) Southern gothic sex series? It picked up immediately where season two left off, meaning we had lots of character business to deal with. Too much.

HBO has a bona fide hit in True Blood, their Alan Ball-created vampire soap opera. While some may see it as nothing more than a ratings smash, Ginia Bellafante sees something more: the US of A.

Scary-yet-lovable actress Evan Rachel Wood makes her first on-screen appearance in next week's True Blood. So, what can we expect? Omnivorous sexuality.

Where Tom Cruise and Beyonce meet in the middle. Where Jennifer Anniston terrifies West Villagers with her half-speed biological clock. Where Jon Gosselin's girlfriend terrifies virginal high school boys. Where Andy's Dick's Little One speaks. Your Saturday Late-Edition Gossip Roundup:

Stephen Colbert turns 45 today. Harvey Keitel is turning 70. Stevie Wonder is 59. Vogue publisher Tom Florio is 53. Tim Zagat is turning 69. Legendary divorce attorney Raoul Felder is 75. Writer/director Alan Ball (American Beauty, Six Feet Under) is turning 52. Dennis Rodman is 48. Twilight star Robert Pattinson is…

The Vampires Give Back. An operative deep undercover in Tampa writes us: "I am stymied as to why Sam Trammell and Rutina Wesley ("Sam" and "Tara") from HBO's True Blood are in my office's conference room giving out autographs and pictures with all 500 of the employees in my Tampa, FL cable company's office. Is it…

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly guide to peaks, valleys and pratfalls among the latest new movies in theaters. And finally, after consecutive weekends when we thought God had up and abandoned us with the feral makers of College and Disaster Movie, we have some real films to write about. So read on…

· True Blood's premiere drew just 1.44 million viewers—about a half-million better than Tell Me You Love Me, but 2 million short of what John From Cincinnati managed to score in its slot following The Sopranos's series finale. We haven't watched it yet, because we find vampires annoying. Enough with the biting and the…

If it's the last thing it ever does — and it probably will be — Warner Independent Pictures is bound and determined to wring every last bit of notoriety out of the $1.5 million it spent last year on Alan Ball's merde du jour directing debut Towelhead. And almost a full 12 months after the film met its Toronto Film…

Like it or not, it's time to let go of any qualms you may have about welcoming a successor to Harry Potter's tween-bewitching throne and embrace what will surely become the zeitgeisty-est franchise of the decade. Twilight is here, it's a little bit queer, and don't even try ignoring it. The dewy, sexy,…

The Reeler reacts to yesterday's $1.25 million sale of The Aaron Eckhart Molests A 13-Year-Old Girl Project: "Think of it like Todd Solondz remaking Crash in a cul-de-sac, but with twice the tampons and a quarter of the self-respect. Ball makes Paul Haggis look like Robert Bresson. This prick couldn't direct traffic…

Faster than you can say "Dakota Fanning Rape Project," the Toronto Film Festival screenings of Alan Ball's Nothing is Private should produce a level of buzz-building, pre-acquisition outrage unseen since the first reports that universally beloved/feared child star Fanning's cinematic virtue would be stolen at the…