Based upon beer and liquor company advertising, you might imagine that the US booze industry primarily sells its products to suave, attractive 20-somethings on the beach. In fact, it primarily sells its products to alcoholics.

About a year ago, a charity in Amsterdam began a project to employ alcoholics and pay them partially in beer. And according to the New York Times, it's apparently going great.

What should one save from a burning house? A dog? Sure. Prized family heirloom? Probably not. A few cans of beer? Nope.

I gravitated to the fucked up writers. Hunter S. Thompson, Hemingway, William S. Burroughs, Raymond Chandler, Tennessee Williams, Dylan Thomas, Jack Kerouac, Truman Capote, Charles Bukowski, William Faulkner. There weren't many women in my list. Dorothy Parker, and that was about it. Somehow, hand in hand with booze…

The Finnish people love to drink.

Jesse Jackson's talentless son Junior has just enough talent—none!—to be a congressman based exclusively on who his daddy is. And pursuant to the grand tradition of congressional scions, he seems to have disappeared on a bender and ended up in detox.

The city council in Sheboygan, Wisconsin wants to remove the mayor from office because he's a self-proclaimed alcoholic who recently went on a three-day bender during which he got into a fight and passed out at some schlubby tavern that, from pictures, looks just like how stale Cheese Doodles smell.

Cue the "No, no, no" jokes: Amy Winehouse has checked herself into rehab for alcoholism once again. She reportedly "drank a small bottle of vodka on her way to the facility." [TMZ]

A three-year-old is being treated for alcoholism after exhibiting withdrawal symptoms, and the authorities claim the child has been consuming booze regularly for a period of time. We're not quite sure how, but Four Loko must be to blame. [Telegraph]

Space smell! Science selling secrets! Copper popularity! Alcoholism genes! Pregnant running! Infant sleeping! Bullies exposed! Dinosaur footprints explained! And fat black widows! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—successfully!

Hot flashes! Poop eating! Shingles cure! Alcoholism medication! Alzheimer's test! Organ transplants! Smallpox preservation! Vaccine seizures! Cancer breastfeeding! And a little encouragement for the sexually promiscuous eating-disordered ladies! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—yes, yours!

Actor David Arquette checked into rehab for "alcohol and other issues" on New Year's Day, according to TMZ. This is probably his best shot at getting his estranged wife Courteney Cox back. That, and, maybe, dressing like a normal person.

The new must-have "ultimate accessory," for ladies: fruity booze, disguised as perfume. "Our point is not drink a lot to be glamorous - it's drink responsibly and in moderation and just be glamorous over all." Ohh, okay. [NYT]

It appears Lindsay Lohan has won a "Sober Shine Award." This placard appeared in front of LiLo's Palm Desert home, from which she commutes to the Betty Ford Clinic's outpatient rehab program. Inspiring or condescending? [Photo via Pacific Coast News]

Charlie Sheen was discovered at the Plaza Hotel this morning naked, drunk, and in a trashed hotel suite with a "damaged" chandelier. (Swinging from the ceiling?) Hospitalized with ex-wife Denise Richards by his side, Charlie said he'd been "out partying."

Is being gay "a choice"? Sort of, according to Colorado Republican Senate candidate Ken Buck. But "birth has an influence over it, like alcoholism." Homosexuality is just like a crippling addictive disease! Except, you're addicted to... oh, never mind.

England is merrier than usual today, as ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair's memoir finally hits bookstores! So, is he sorry about Iraq? Did he ever "like-like" the Queen? Many questions remain. Blair makes one thing clear, though: He loved getting drunk.

If you're too drunk to drive, it's a good idea to call a friend for a ride. It's not a good idea to call 911. Three times. For a ride to the liquor store.

I believe this is a 1929 ad for ExtenZe. [Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]