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New York, 1:33 AM
Sun Dec 20
11 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Pope John Peeps II Pope John Peeps II
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    Why does O'Reilly not appear anymore?
     Reply
    Pope John Peeps II was starred Pope John Peeps II was unstarred
    Image of gawkimo gawkimo
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    Dick Cheney.

    I mean, he's not a douche because he orchestrated a war we didn't need, civil rights violations against Americans and non-Americans alike, and promoted corrupt private contracting policies that exported war merchants to the Middle East at the expense of the safety of our real Army.

    He's a douche because he did all of that while being a smirky condescending douche.

    He is the Tiger Woods of douche, and that says a lot because Tiger Woods is a pretty big douche himself.

    If his douchyness were a chocolate cake, it would be the most delicious and moist chocolate cake in the world.

    If Dick Cheney's douchyness could play guitar, it would be Jimi Hendrix playing the Star Spangled Banner.

    Dick Cheney's douche is so douchy it could flush out every vagina on the planet, human and non-human.

    The only time Dick Cheney didn't come of as General Douche McDoucheybottoms was when Rush Limbaugh was licking Dick Cheney's balls and going all they way down the shaft and swallowing on the teevee.

    And though Rush Limbaugh is a douche, Dick Cheney's douche could out-douche Rush Limbaugh's douche and still have enough douche left over to waterboard 1,000 Arabs . . . with douche.

    DOOSH!
     Reply
    Edited by gawkimo at 12/16/09 12:36 PM gawkimo was starred gawkimo was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    12/16/09

    @gawkimo: OK, that was entertaining--but Cheney (and I believe this was addressed downthread) was simply too important and influential to be a mere douche. Ditto Bush.

    The way I see it, douchery implies a certain sense of overinflated self-importance that is at odds with reality.

    You can't make the case that the half-penguin, half-cyborg, half-Darth Vader (I realize that doesn't add up but roll with me) was merely self-important..
     Reply
    snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
    Image of Mediahohoho Mediahohoho
    12/16/09

    @snugbug: Okay, he's important. Can I call him Fuckstick of the Millennium?
     Reply
    Mediahohoho was starred Mediahohoho was unstarred
    Image of RollsRoyceRevenge RollsRoyceRevenge
    12/16/09

    @Mediahohoho: Actually, in keeping with the Darth Vader component, you could call him the Millennium Fuckstick.
     Reply
    RollsRoyceRevenge was starred RollsRoyceRevenge was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    12/16/09

    @Mediahohoho: Sure! But the millennium is still young..
     Reply
    snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    George W. Bush.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Miss1565 Miss1565
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    What, no Spencer Pratt? This douche list, though expansive, has a distinct lack of flesh-colored beard.
     Reply
    Excusado promoted this comment Miss1565 was starred Miss1565 was unstarred
    Image of DoctorEcks DoctorEcks
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    Where's G. W. Bouche?
     Reply
    DoctorEcks was starred DoctorEcks was unstarred
    Image of Gregoire Gregoire
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    Dov Charvey is a douchebag that only the 21st Century could produce, and that's why he has my vote. He has innovated being a sexist, sleazy ass while clasping on to traditional American capitalistic ideals. He has managed to take the douchebag type of the decade -- the hipster -- and reduce it to its most irritating components.

    Most importantly, he has almost single-handedly convinced legions of skinny white hairless young men that they look good in v-neck tee-shirts.
     Reply
    snugbug promoted this comment Gregoire was starred Gregoire was unstarred
    Image of aztecprincess aztecprincess
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    It's a tie!
     Reply
    aztecprincess was starred aztecprincess was unstarred
    Image of flugennock flugennock
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    Huh, where's George W. Bush? Still, I suppose he'd be too easy to vote for.

    I haven't heard of most of the people on this list -- or hadn't until I started reading Gawker. But, aaaanyway...

    Carrie Prejean? A douche for sure, but still, her impact's pretty much confined to the cheap laffs value. I'm amazed that Liberals waste so much goddamn' time being bent out of shape over that little plastic skank. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she ended up as Sarah Palin's running mate in 2012. Oh, yeeaaaahhhh! Palin/Prejean in '12!

    Of the people I've heard of on this list, Tucker Max is a pretty strong contender. I read I Hope They Serve Beer In Heaven while slobbing out on the beach in Mexico last March; it was pretty forgettable -- one of the books I took back to the book-trade shelf at the apartment house I was staying -- although I found it hilarious, in the same way I find America's Funniest Home Videos footage of teenagers falling and crushing their nuts while trying to ride their skateboards down stairway handrails hilarious. But, still...

    Bill O'Reilly is certainly right there at the top because... well, because he's Bill O'Reilly, a longtime stalwart in the annals of douchedom. Still, in terms of sheer impact on policies that directly affect our lives, I'm leaning strongly towards...

    Tom Friedman, because I can't think of a columnist or pundit anywhere who could say or write anything as bone-cold st00pid as he does and still be employed by a major American newspaper.

    So, edging out strong competition, my vote goes to Tom Friedman, shameless corporate globalist shill and fellow moustache-wearer -- although his Moustache-Fu is much stronger than mine.

    (Hey, waitaminnit, where's Mark Zuckerberg?)
     Reply
    snugbug promoted this comment flugennock was starred flugennock was unstarred
    Image of BrockEffnSamson BrockEffnSamson
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    Ummm...where's Glenn Beck?
     Reply
    Miss Anita Manbadly approved this comment BrockEffnSamson was starred BrockEffnSamson was unstarred
    Image of Miss Anita Manbadly Miss Anita Manbadly
    12/16/09

    @BrockEffnSamson: Seconded. If nothing else, his smarmy interview with Baba Wawa definitely qualifies him for inclusion on this list.
     Reply
    Miss Anita Manbadly was starred Miss Anita Manbadly was unstarred
    Image of Pope John Peeps II Pope John Peeps II
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    If Friedman wins, I'll write a special holiday edition of my famous "Thomas Friedman: Magical Retard" column.

    Also, Gabe approached me once about posting the magical retard columns up on the front page every once in a while. Would anyone actually be interested in that?
     Reply
    Pope John Peeps II was starred Pope John Peeps II was unstarred
    Image of Smitros Smitros
    12/16/09

    @Pope John Peeps II: Hell yes!
     Reply
    Smitros was starred Smitros was unstarred
    Image of MissPeacock MissPeacock
    12/16/09

    @Pope John Peeps II: Me! Me!
     Reply
    Pope John Peeps II promoted this comment MissPeacock was starred MissPeacock was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    12/16/09

    @Pope John Peeps II: Please.
     Reply
    skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of Pope John Peeps II Pope John Peeps II
    12/16/09

    @skahammer: haha. doesn't look like Friedman is anywhere close to the top.

    I may have to write a Magical Retard Holiday special on how the Douche Bubble is inflating, and how its inflation is flattening the world of technology.
     Reply
    Pope John Peeps II was starred Pope John Peeps II was unstarred
    Image of EddieTheDane EddieTheDane
    12/16/09

    @Pope John Peeps II: big time
     Reply
    EddieTheDane was starred EddieTheDane was unstarred
    Image of You Cannot Untoast You Cannot Untoast
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    Due to the mustache, can a vote for Friedman also count as a vote for John Stossel?
     Reply
    scroll_lock promoted this comment You Cannot Untoast was starred You Cannot Untoast was unstarred
    Image of hanhong hanhong
    12/16/09

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     Reply
    gonzosmom approved this comment hanhong was starred hanhong was unstarred
    Image of gonzosmom gonzosmom
    12/16/09

    @hanhong:
    Ahhh.. a new douche on the block!
     Reply
    gonzosmom was starred gonzosmom was unstarred
    Image of Lazy Susan Lazy Susan
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    Problem is, Bill O'Reilly is a pro. He belongs with Dick Cheney, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh... he's blowing those limp puppies - and it's making him look good.
     Reply
    Lazy Susan was starred Lazy Susan was unstarred
    Image of BlinkyMcChuck BlinkyMcChuck
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    This is a tough one, but I have to say, Carrie and Bill both ran strong campaigns.
     Reply
    BlinkyMcChuck was starred BlinkyMcChuck was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who's the Douche of the Decade?
    A few weeks ago I would have voted for Tucker Max. Unforch, I finally got around to skimming his book in the interim. Until that point he was just a Gawkeresque creation to me--a pure-breed douche specimen, kind of like a mythical wildebeest. Confronted with the actual, objective evidence of his douchery, I must admit I was disappointed.

    He definitely comes across as an atrocious pig and fabricator of cacophilic bullshit (that's not redundant in his case, BTW) but I expected him to be, I don't know--worse. His writing is lame, but he's not a cretin. Nor does he possess the intellectual sophistication or villainy of a real misogynist. So I'm forced to rescind my vote because he didn't live up to my Gawker-built expectations.

    O'Reilly doesn't need my help, since he's already pulling ahead; I actually don't think Thomas Friedman is a douche by any stretch; Francis is disturbingly evil so he transcends douchery, and I'm not that invested in most of the rest. I'm going with Dov Charney via process of elimination. Crank the douche up to 11, Dov, and don't make me regret my choice.
     Reply
    snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    12/16/09

    @snugbug: Please tell me "cacophilic" is a word.
     Reply
    skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    12/16/09

    @skahammer: If it isn't, it should be, says I!
     Reply
    snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
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