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God Damn American Idol

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BxgrlJeri
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
I honestly thought those asshole judges were going to save their save for Allison because they knew America was fucked up as evidenced by her bottom 2 appearances way too many weeks in a row.

But they wasted it on Matt Mole and now Allison had to swing from the rafters.

Assholes. They deserve the mediocrity that American Idol is and always has been.
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ArtfulSlinger
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
This evil must be stopped. I cant even understand how this banal vanilla fool has gotten this far. A dead wife can only bring in so many pity points.
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unclevanya
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
If only you could have summoned the same rage for Lil' Kim's ousting from DWTS this week. Jewel's aw-shucks rodeo cowboy lives to dance badly another week. Against the underage gymnast and the cheerleader Bachelor reject.

And then there's Gilles. Ooooooooh, Gilles...
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Kaiser-Machead
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
I will say, that despite my deep-seated hatred for the show (my strong affection for watching people fail on TV notwithstanding), one good thing came out of American Idol: this hilarious article.
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BrianDoh
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
All season I've been trying to figure out why the Producers/Judges were insisting on pushing the Goke-ster down our throats. I mean, the whole "Dead Wife" thing made for a few heart-tugging little segments sad to melancholy music earlier in the season, but the back lash to his "dead wife pimping" happened relatively early on (like, the semifinals)!

Then, it dawned on me! Having Gokey win is a last ditch effort by everyone involved to free themselves of the Beast that 'American Idol' has become. They all want to move on with their lives, but can't! It's like the story-line from Curb Your Enthusiasm when Mel Brooks cast Larry in The Producers hoping it would kill the shows' runaway success.

I bet I'm right! I think I know I am!
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Mad Due to No More Bonnets
05/07/09

@BrianDoh: No way out.. Now way out.. No way out..
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MosseyCade
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
Either Danny or Allison had to go, because there was some creepy shit about to happen between those two.

Especially since she looks a lot like the late Mrs. Gokey:
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bytememehard
05/07/09

@MosseyCade: Evidently he didn't get into "happening" eyewear until after he offed her.
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ArtfulSlinger
05/07/09

@unclevanya: America sure has a soft spot for goofy country boys.
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allyzay
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol

UGH!! i hate it!
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lobstr
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
Paula's performance, just like Jaime Foxx's, simply illustrates all you have to do is have a vocoder and you can flail around a stage and think you have a hit on your hands.. If anyone remembers Roger and Zapp, those were the original dudes that exclusively used vocoders, and it was their trademark. Now, every freakin' pop star vocodes their voice and it's pure effortless trash.

I think we can probably blame Cher when she did "Believe" in the late 90s, that seemed to have kicked this off but at least that song is half-way tolerable. It's not long before robots start cutting records -- I'm waiting for the Speak-n-Spell guy to release an album.
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allyzay
05/07/09

@lobstr: ok be fair -- paula was not "flailing". bitch has moves especially considering she is an 80 year old alcoholic drug addict with alzheimer's!
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kevipants!
05/07/09

@allyzay: Don't you read? Paula has NEVER been drunk.

She's just addicted to pain killers and has a prescription that would knock out most whales within seconds, yet somehow keeps her thinly skinned corpse teetering between this life and the next.
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allyzay
05/07/09

@kevipants!: i don't know how to read! that's an unreasonable expectation!
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Petunia
05/07/09

@lobstr: I remember! Grapevine!

And everyone, stop saying Allison is funny looking. I think she's very pretty.
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kookla
05/07/09

@lobstr: Hate to be a stickler on facts, but Stevie Wonder was using the MOOG long before Roger and Zapp graced us with the AutoTuner®. But you were right on with Cher.
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lobstr
05/07/09

@kookla: You stickla! Actually, I'm a huge Stevie fan and I know he used shitloads of different racks of equipment but I can't for the life of me think of any of his songs where he computerized his voice.. Hep me out w/ a title so I can hear that madness..

Incidentally, we could trace it back to Peter Frampton as far as straight-up electronic vocalizing but he didn't really use it for poppy dance music as everyone else in the world after him has..
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lobstr
05/07/09

@Petunia: Ya! And Do Wa Ditty... and, of course, computer love...

gotta hand it to 'em, they made vocoding a freakin' performance art.. no one else should have touched it :D
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kookla
05/08/09

@lobstr: First, I'm gonna forgive you for making me reveal how old I am. But secondly, I was always listening to my big sister's records.

So now I'm in my way-back machine and I am listening to Songs in the Key of Life and there is a song called "Ebony Eyes"
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kookla
05/08/09

@lobstr: Oh crap. I tried to embed it from Youtube but I'm a tech-tard.
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HenryLovesFonzie
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
Allison's performance was amazing after she was kicked off. I heart her.
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kookla
05/07/09

@HenryLovesFonzie: Yeah, imagine that. A singing competition and the one natural talent gets booted. You stay classy, America.
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Spirit Fingers
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
While flipping channels (because American Idol is just ridiculous) I saw Stefani singing (howling? braying off-key like an impaled wolfen) and doing push-ups. The fuck was going on there? Is she in some sort of mental crisis?
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DahlELama
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
I cried. Please tell me I'm not the only one.
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kookla
05/07/09

@DahlELama: You are not alone.
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radrider82
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
Man, does anybody else this dude looks like Bud Bundy?
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Kaiser-Machead
05/07/09

@radrider82: Grandmaster B FTW
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TedSez
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
What's the point of auditioning "singers" if all you have to do to be a pop star is mince around on stage while your crappy cooing is so altered by a computer "pitch corrector" that makes you sound like a cross between T-Pain and C3PO? (Hi, Paula!)
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bytememehard
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
That scream from Gokey was actually his wife protesting from the other side the way he's been pimping her dead ass since his first audition.
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bytememehard
05/07/09

In reply to God Damn American Idol
Richard's boyfriend, the mewling triangle-mouthed worship-leader who doesn't actually sing like a damn worship-leader Yeah, easy for you to say while he's in Paris and can't kick your sorry azz. But just wait until he returns all rested and butched-up (like boys get when they go to France).
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