and+now+he.s+dead

posts about #andnowhesdead more →
Oral Roberts Dead at 91
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Nat Finkelstein, 1933-2009
Cozmik: Inline Skater, Teenager
Al Martino, Godfather Singer, Dead at 82

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noahjacquemin
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
Isn't it fascinating how these folks like Mr. Anal Bob really seem to have the most vivid imaginations as far as what the sex lives of so called sinners are like? A gay guy is like, "yeah, I thought this guy was attractive, we went back to his place and had sex." Oral Dick here thinks like "he drooled long spindles of saliva across his chest as he took the hard veined, throbbing penis across his moist lips, into the cavernous wet mouth, suckling the tip with his tongue, aching, throbbing, praying to the heathen gods for the seeds of sin to splatter his wide eyed eyes with hell fire. This is wrong. Insert penis in vagina. Ejaculate. Rinse. Repeat. Amen." Ugh. Rest in a world without heaven or hell because neither exists, dumb fuck. Peace out!
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billiejeanismylover
12/15/09

@noahjacquemin: fucking brilliant and amazing.
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ampersandparade
12/15/09

@noahjacquemin: Promoted because the salvo "Rest in a world without heaven or hell because neither exists, dumb fuck. Peace out!" is so brilliant I want it on my headstone. Amazing.
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don2002
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
I can't answer what Oral Roberts may or may not have done. That is up to Jesus. But I will say this. Based on the public confession of Oral Roberts. Oral Roberts is in Heaven. My comment is based on the Bible. I would be careful how you judge Oral Roberts. If you die tonight, do you know where you will spend eternity? Heaven or Hell!

Don
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Mediahohoho
12/15/09

@don2002: Oral Roberts was an evil blasphemer who took the Lord's name in vain every time he walked into the pulpit and opened his mouth. According to the Bible, Oral is writhing tonight in a lake of fire with a millstone around his neck.

It's pretty clear: lie in God's name, go to hell. Oral lied constantly.
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Hiroine Protagonist
12/16/09

@don2002: Oh my god - did you run that through Babelfish? "Based on the public confession of Oral Roberts. Oral Roberts is in heaven." Yeah, That's pretty much what we're getting at, sporto. I will spend eternity as a group of atoms intermixing with the fabric of the universe. As will you.
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Edited by Hiroine Protagonist at 12/16/09 12:10 AM

God
12/16/09

@don2002: Oral is totally living up to his name here in Heaven, My son. One of the first things I did since he got here was to take away his gag reflex. Lets just say he's My new favorite child and he really knows how to please his daddy.
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Hiroine Protagonist
12/16/09

@God: Oh my God!
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apedigreeofhoney
12/16/09

@God: HAHAHA
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MrHaroHaro
12/16/09

@God: Wow. God is good.
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Sleepyhead
12/16/09

@God: God, do you know how to do poetic justice.
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Mediahohoho
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
Does this invalidate all those degrees from Oral Roberts University?

Oh, that's right. They never were valid.
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Dot
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
I've been rooting for the killer 900 foot Jesus for years.
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chenfang
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
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jasonelias
12/16/09

I didn't approve that fool, must have hit the wrong button.
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Edited by jasonelias at 12/16/09 1:59 AM jasonelias was starred jasonelias was unstarred

BearDownCBears
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
Fuck all, I had Billy Graham keeling over this year and Oral and Jimmy Bakker in the 2010 finals.

Way to dick up my bracket, asshole.
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CODiva
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
"S'mote?"
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BookishLatkeish
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
"Go over there and touch it!" is going to be my mantra for 2010.
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son of spam
12/15/09

@BookishLatkeish: Mine's going to be, "Come over here and touch it." Just like last year.
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Dot
12/15/09

@son of spam: Like every year?
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Edited by Dot at 12/15/09 9:35 PM Dot was starred Dot was unstarred

son of spam
12/15/09

@Dot: I'm consistent.
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God
12/16/09

@BookishLatkeish: A wise choice, my daughter. That is what I say to Archangel Gabey after every time I take a dump.
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BookishLatkeish
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
I always wondered why he never named his son Orajel (like Absorbine Jr. on "The PJs").
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Dot
12/15/09

@BookishLatkeish: Well, he named his son Dick, so that goes well with Oral. Or so every man I have ever met has told me.
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Mediahohoho
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
Enjoy the void, Oral.
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Private Hangnail
12/15/09

@Mediahohoho: This has wonderful catchphrase potential.
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Claire Buoyant
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
So he says vagina but can't bring himself to say penis? Is he afraid that uttering this word will make him gay?
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bluebears
12/15/09

@Claire Buoyant: doesn't it?
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Miss Anita Manbadly
12/16/09

@bluebears: Peeeeeniiiiiis, peeeny peeny peeeniiiss. Hm. Empirical evidence suggests that it doesn't do anything if you're already gay.
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rumpofsteelskin
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
This is a great obit, though I am also wondering about the Chico's bill and about the last point too. How does one "force" a professor to do their daughter's homework? Details John, details!
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Edited by rumpofsteelskin at 12/15/09 5:44 PM rumpofsteelskin was starred rumpofsteelskin was unstarred

TheRtHonPM
12/15/09

@rumpofsteelskin: By threatening dismissal. This is quite common actually, substituting "college football star" for "daughter of the president".
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rumpofsteelskin
12/15/09

@TheRtHonPM: Ah, i.c. - an in-house thing. Ok, sure. Although, the professor might just pass them without all of the homework fuss.

Nice nomenclature btw, monsieur Laurier!
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billiejeanismylover
12/15/09

@rumpofsteelskin: yeah, exactly how does one spend $39,000 at chico's?? was mandee's closed?
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boobookitteh
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
"Toxic and Preposterous". The perfect epitaph. I hope there is a hell with a special torturey section for people like this who enrich themselves by exploiting the desperate and ignorant.
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ms_priestypants
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
Oh come on! That is just preposterous.

No one has *ever* spent $39,000 at chico's.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
12/15/09

@ms_priestypants: I believe one other time. Costume department for the Vagina Monologues World Tour.
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sweet_communist
12/15/09

@ms_priestypants: My thought exactly. Also, that she has dreadful taste in clothing.
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The Tipping Pint
12/15/09

In reply to Oral Roberts Dead at 91
Goddamn, why can't newspaper obits be written this way....
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