A zen koan: If Taylor Momsen bares her breasts to a crowd but tabloids can't publish the pictures because she's underage, is it really a celebrity scandal? Of course it is! Saturday Gossip Roundup will bring you peace and prosperity.

Anna Kournikova viciously brawls with another woman in a Vegas club, Leighton Meester sings and acts in a video for Cobra Starship, Michael Jackson looked frail on stage at his concert rehearsals and Chris Brown gets shut down by Jay-Z.

• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick took home their adopted twin daughters, Marion and Tabitha, last week. Now they've released a photo of the whole family. Cute! And a nice palate cleanser after all the sordid Michael Jackson news the past few days, no? [People]
• Speaking of grim details from the Jackson…

Suze Orman turns 58 today. Billionaire financier Pete Peterson is turning 83. Teen Vogue editor Amy Astley is 42. Post columnist Andrea Peyser is turning 50. Journalist Bill Moyers is 75. Mark Wahlberg is turning 38. Pete Wentz is 30. Author Chuck Klosterman is 37. Comedian Jeff Garlin is 46. Laurie Anderson, the…

The tabloid said semi-retired Anna Kournikova wants to work for Vogue's Anna Wintour, but really it was the other Russian tennis blonde, Maria Sharapova, who does. Easy way to keep them straight: Sharapova calls her blog posts "doodles," while Kournikova calls them "blogs," just like Arianna Huffington. [Observer]

When it comes to celebrity couples making out in public, you'd think all those beautiful people would know how to make a kiss look hot. They manage to do it on-screen with complete strangers, and frankly, a large part of their job is to hook up take after take and make it still look steamy and unrehearsed, right?…