"While science shows that these antioxidants help support the immune system, given the public attention on H1N1, the company decided to make this change," the statement read. "We will, however, continue to provide the increased amounts of vitamins A, B, C and E that the cereal offers."

THANKS KELLOG CO.
[Ad Age]

The Associated Press reports that a 13-year-old cat was lethargic, had trouble breathing and had a loss of appetite. When it was taken to the vet, bang! Swine flu. The unnamed cat is now recovered. "This may be the first instance where we have documentation that transmission occurred involving cats or dogs, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention spokesman Tom Skinner told the AP.

The report also casually mentions that two ferrets - one in Oregon and one in Nebraska - had the swine flu, "but they died." Because apparently no-one cares about ferrets and they're allowed to die without making news. Let's all take a moment to remember them please.

I'm waiting for the Glenn Beck animal swine flu vaccination backlash. And also for a wild panic about millions of cats dying that is not really justified.

The WSJ says that terrified religious types across the nation have given in to fear of the Satanic disease and are dispensing with the use of common communion cups. That's just what the pig flu wants you to do, people!

At a United Church of Christ congregation in the suburbs of Chicago, Communion servers now slice up bread into bite-sized bits before distributing Communion; they no longer offer congregants a loaf from which to tear a hunk of bread. In the interest of keeping fingers away from communion wine, communicants at All Saints' Chapel in Sewanee, Tenn., are now instructed not to dip their Eucharistic bread into the cup but rather to sip the cup directly, since hands are often more infectious than mouths.

Christ himself further suggests that "Maybe you guys can just gaze upon me from afar" until flu season is over.
[Pic via]

That means it should be possible to vaccinate - well before the flu's expected midwinter peak - all the 159 million people that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate are in the high-risk groups: pregnant women, people under 24 years old or caring for infants, people with high-risk medical conditions and health-care workers.

Whoa whoa whoa—I could have sworn that there are 300 million people in the USA. The socialist government is once again telling the Middle-Aged White Man to suck it! Fend for yourselves! Give the life-saving medicine to welfare people! NObama's not a pregnant woman but how much do you want to bet he gets some vaccine, hmm?

Even hogs are treated better than the Grown White Man these days. Outrageous.
[Pic: AP]

Those of you with iPhones can now track swine flu outbreaks with a new application, ingeniously entitled "Outbreaks Near Me." But, wait! There's more: there are flu-related games. Because when you're in an outbreak of the dreaded H1N1, you'll need a distraction.

Of course, not everyone has iPhones. So, for those of you poor schmucks who don't, King County, in Seattle, has been distributing a new comic book to inform readers of flu epidemics past and present. It's filled with useful tips, like how to cover your mouth when you sneeze and information on the delicate process of washing one's hands. Thanks, Seattle!

Meanwhile, for the rug rats, the government has teamed with Sesame Street to get the word out on all the contagious craziness. Of the partnership, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius says:

We are thrilled to partner with Elmo, Gordon, and Sesame Workshop again to emphasize the steps kids and their parents can take to stay happy and healthy this school year.

Watch for Big Bird and the rest of the gang to tackle bed bugs next.

This wouldn't be America if some enterprising company weren't trying to capitalize on swine flu, which explains why Delaware-based GIANTmicrobes has come out with a stuffed toy that's meant to look like the infectious disease. God bless.

Here is what the President's Council of Advisors on Science and Technology officially consider a "possibility," this fall:

• 20%-40% of the US population develops swine flu.
• Two million Americans hospitalized.
• 300,000 in intensive care.
• 90,000 dead, from swine flu.

A tipster tells us this comes from an internal NGS memo, and refers to the Washington, DC office:

Possible H1N1 case at NG
Article posted by Karen Gilmour

Statement from [NGS Human Resources SVP] Tony Sabló
An NG staffer has come down with what may well be the Society's first
diagnosed case of the H1N1 virus, which has also been known as swine
flu. While the lab test results are still pending, the general wisdom
in medical circles these days is to treat any such set of symptoms as
if it is, in fact, H1N1.

The employee is now resting at home under a doctor's care and is
expected to make a full recovery. While members of the person's work
group have been contacted by our medical unit about precautions they
may take, we thought this would be a good time to remind everyone
about "best practices" to reduce the risk of contracting any and all
communicable diseases, including the flu.

Clearly, swine flu has become self-aware and is moving further and further up the intellectual food chain: it went from private schools to Conde Nast to the Washington Post to the National Geographic Society. Soon it will start systematically attacking institutions that really matter, such as the Sanitation Department.

This is only the beginning.

A major focus of planning for the fall, officials say, is to avoid being swamped by a similar, possibly bigger, demand for emergency room services. Some hospital officials are advocating putting out daily swine flu bulletins - modeled after announcements on alternate-side parking or lottery numbers - about issues like when to seek treatment.

The future of New York City's health is in Pat Kiernan's able hands. Or maybe the hands of whoever's on at midnight, if the government decides to put you on a mandatory night shift at your job:

The city is considering, in a worst case, measures like canceling big gatherings and staggering work hours, said Dr. Isaac B. Weisfuse, the city's deputy health commissioner for disease control, who has been studying the flu pandemic of 1918.

You first, Dr. Isaac B. Weisfuse.
[NYT. Pic: Getty]

We want to update you on the recently reported cases of the H1N1 (Swine Flu) virus involving employees who work in our NW Building, and the steps we have taken to help prevent the spread of the virus. We are aware of 3 cases involving our employees or their families. These employees were instructed to stay home for 7 days after their symptoms, or their family member's symptoms, began. Those employees who work in the same general area as the affected employees were notified of the situation and the appropriate areas of the building were disinfected. We will also be placing bottles of hand sanitizer throughout common meeting areas of the building for employee use.

The spread of H1N1 virus is thought to be happening in the same way that seasonal flu spreads. Flu viruses are spread mainly from person to person through coughing or sneezing by people with influenza. Sometimes people may become infected by touching something with flu viruses on it and then touching their mouth or nose.

This is a reminder to take these everyday steps to protect your health:
· Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
· Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hand cleaners are also effective.
· Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread this way.
· Try to avoid close contact with sick people.
· Stay home if you are sick for 7 days after your symptoms begin or until you have been symptom-free for 24 hours, whichever is longer. This is to keep from infecting others and spreading the virus further.

The long-awaited pandemic decision is scientific confirmation that a new flu virus has emerged and is quickly circling the globe. It will trigger drugmakers to speed up production of a swine flu vaccine and prompt governments to devote more money toward efforts to contain the virus...
The last pandemic - the Hong Kong flu of 1968 - killed about 1 million people. Ordinary flu kills about 250,000 to 500,000 people each year.

The good thing is that this is really a formality, and everyone's known for weeks now that this flu met the definition of a pandemic. The bad thing is that all it will take is one mutation of this virus that makes it truly deadly to set the world on a path towards another million deaths. And since the media cried wolf so loudly when the flu first hit, and it turned out to be not that bad, now if it does get bad, you can expect a ton of people to ignore the warnings.

We blame the media, whatever the outcome! Drink some orange juice!
[AP, NYT. Pic: Getty]

The NYC Health Department did a survey, which found the scariest lead ever:

The city Health Department says that more than a half-million residents of the Big Apple may have contracted swine flu.

But fewer than a thousand cases have been "confirmed," because so far officials have only tested Conde Nast employees.

The half-million bodies littering New York's streets justify the swine flu panic, retroactively!
[NYP. Pic: NYM]

Daily Intel (queen of the Conde Nast Influenza beat) reports that the swine flu has migrated from the lungs of livestock all the way into the offices of Glamour—which are strategically located next to an elevator bank, which could send the pig virus cascading through virtually any Conde Nast magazine at 4 Times Square.

Flee! And send us reports from inside, thx.
[Daily Intel. Pic of the gateway to death, via]

Nagin, currently embroiled in a scandal in which city contractors allegedly financed tropical vacations for him and his family, is currently being held in a Shanghai hotel, along with his wife and a staffer. According to the Times-Picayune, the three were part of a six-person team traveling abroad for ten days.

The Nagins and four City Hall staff members left Friday for the 10-day trip to China and Australia aimed at luring industry to New Orleans and discussing government's role in mitigating climate change, his office said. The three, who were quarantined as a pre-caution, were sitting close to a passenger who showed "signs and symptoms of an influenza-like illness suspected to be of the H1N1 subtype," according to a statement from Ceeon D. Quiett, Nagin's director of communications.

But the three are symptom-free and are "being treated with utmost courtesy by Chinese officials," Quiett said. She said she didn't know how long they would be quarantined.

Interestingly, this isn't the first time that Nagin, recently cited as one of the most unpopular politicians in the history of American politics, has been quarantined inside of a hotel room. According to Presidential historian Douglas Brinkley, a paralyzed-by-fear Nagin quarantined himself on the 17th floor of the New Orleans Hyatt while the city spiraled out of control in the days after Hurricane Katrina struck, a contention Nagin has vigorously denied, but one that just about anyone who's followed his horrendous stint as leader of the city has little trouble believing.

Finally, as someone who hails from the New Orleans area, I think I can speak for everyone who cares deeply about the city when I say this to the Chinese government—-Please, PLEASE, keep him there as long as needed. We want to make sure Mayor Nagin is safe and well and healthy. Feel free to keep him until at least November 30, 2009, the date which marks the official end of the 2009 hurricane season. Seriously.

Nagin, Wife, Staffer, Quarantined in China [Nola.com]

Ever since the Great Swine Flu Panic of '09 started a month ago, the problem has been the same: it's not that swine flu was utterly undeserving of being reported upon; it's just that the DEADLY EPIDEMIC OMG aspect was incredibly overblown. Finally, interest has settled down to reasonable levels.

In California, the worst appears to be over. And in New York, these two deaths would have gotten wall-to-wall coverage a few weeks ago; now they're back in the metro section, where they belong. Factors contributing to the sudden outbreak of reasonableness:

• Turns out swine flu's no worse than regular flu!
• Everyone who's died in NYC so far has had other health problems, not just the swine flu
• Public schools are reopening faster than they're closing in PANIC.
• It's sinking in now that the PANIC is really a waste of time:

  Of those who have gone to the emergency room, fewer than 1 in 50 needed to be admitted to the hospital, Dr. Frieden said. "The vast majority of people going to the hospital emergency department probably shouldn't be going," Dr. Frieden said. Similarly, he said, a spot check of schools with high absenteeism showed that two-thirds of the children who were kept home were not sick.

[NYT, AP. Pic: Getty]

This morning the school sent an e-mail out to parents and students, saying that the closure was due to "an unusually-high number of student absences, the majority of which have been related to flu-like symptoms, including several confirmed cases of Influenza A, but not Swine Flu."

Just when you think the Great Swine Flu Panic of '09 is dead, it rears its porky head again. One NYC school employee has already died from the disease. But he was a public school assistant principal. Now that one of our fair city's most expensive bastions of trust fundee sequestering has fallen prey to the Panic, there is simply no telling how many calls to the mayor's office from corporate titans will result, or how many seeds of trauma for future book deals will be planted in fertile young minds. The nightmare has returned.

Here is the full email Thomas Kelly, the head of the school, sent out to now fully panicking parents:

Dear Horace Mann Parents,

After a great deal of thought and a thorough review of the information, following regular dismissal today, all divisions will be closed for the remainder of the week: from Wednesday, May 20th through Monday, May 25th. We have been monitoring an unusually-high number of student absences, the majority of which have been related to flu-like symptoms, including several confirmed cases of Influenza A, but none of Swine Flu.

In consultation with the NYC Department of Health & Mental Hygiene, we determined that it is in our best interest to temporarily close School and reopen on Tuesday, May 26th.

As of this afternoon, all after-school and evening activities are canceled, and there will be no late buses. All campuses will be closed to students, parents and employees while our Maintenance and Cleaning Departments work to ready to the School for next week. We will share additional information pertaining to our decision to close and the implementation of our virtual school plan in a special issue of Across the Divisions you will receive this evening.

While some of you may be inclined to pick up your child(ren) immediately upon reading this email, as a parent and Head of School I respectfully request that you allow the day to conclude in a normal fashion. Administration, faculty, and staff are prepared to discuss this matter with the student body in developmentally-appropriate ways prior to today's dismissal.

Your support at this time is greatly appreciated, and I look forward to seeing everyone back on campus next Tuesday.

Sincerely,

Tom

[Riverdale Ramblings, NYT]

Staffers at the New Times rag are apparently freaking the hell out and leaving faster than management can fire them. Is Michael Musto safe? Is... ok, that's it for people we know who still actually work at the Village Voice. Someone just check on Musto, k?

(Ironically a Voice music blogger was just mocking the swine flu earlier this week—and now an intern has succumbed! This is why some of us never go into the office!)

Update: Voice editor calls off the panic:

Our intern turns out not to have swine flu. He called to apologize and said that another intern may have misinterpreted what he told her about his condition. Please resume normal levels of PANIC.

The press is, naturally, disseminating this terrible idea as widely as possible, probably in the hope of creating two awful self-fulfilling prophesies at the same time.The New York Times did a trend piece which included second-hand accounts of two internet questions about self-infection, plus news that a women's magazine reporter is asking doctors if mothers should hold "swine flue parties, like chickenpox parties." Read: Not a real trend, but one the media is very, very hungry to make real.

But the Times also quoted by name a "chief of infection control" at a midwest hospital who was thinking of throwing caution to the wind and going without a face mask on a domestic airplane flight as part of a "passive approach to getting infected:"

"I'm thinking of taking my chances" and forgoing the mask, he said. "That's a change from a week ago. I think to myself, yeah, I'll be miserable for a week - but that'll beat maybe being seriously sick later."

The Times story also quoted a bunch of medical professionals who said this is an insane and reckless idea, obviously.

In summary, do not go to a swine flu party, it's dangerous; but if you do go to a swine flu party, or hear rumors about a swine flu party, or are thinking about having a swine flu party, you are very edgy and interesting and definitely call your nearest reporter, because he or she is dying to talk to you, out of sheer fascination.

[NY Times]