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I Could Defeat At Least Eight Of This Year's Most Influential Teens

Today, Time released its list of the 30 most influential teens of 2015. It’s a wide-ranging list that includes celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and Malala. They’re all wonderful, inspirational kids. After looking through the names, I’ve determined that in a fight, I could kick the asses of at least eight of these…

"I'm A Grown-Up Now": The Teen Who Accused Kevin Johnson Of Sexual Abuse Speaks Out

There is a photograph of a pile of pink and white paper hearts atop Mandi Koba’s Facebook page. She cut the hearts out of hard copies of a 1996 police report from Phoenix, Ariz. The cops, according to the vintage report used in the arts and crafts project, were investigating “a celebrity involved in a reported child…

Check Out The Cool Things Qatar's Slaves Will Build For The World Cup!

We could rightly be accused of focusing almost exclusively on the negatives coming from the corrupt, morally-deplorable, slavery-fueled, death-riddled, yet inevitable 2022 World Cup set to be hosted in Qatar, so let’s take a change of tack today. Instead of worrying about that nasty business, let’s appreciate the…

Darren Sharper's "Penis Monitoring" Is Evil, Retrograde Bullshit

A casual observer might take note of Darren Sharper's pending plea agreement in rape charges spread across at least four years and four different states for any number of the obvious reasons—this is, after all, a case involving a former NFL All-Pro being revealed as a serial rapist. One of those reasons, though, would…

Hazing Investigation: Ohio State Band Members Are Horny And Depraved

The Ohio State University marching band is in some shit after an investigation revealed the band to be more or less Porky's with tubas and kettle drums. A report stemming from the university's two-month investigation has quite a few details on the internal goings-on of the Best Damn Band in the Land, including the…

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Leaked: 10 Months Of The Houston Astros' Internal Trade Talks

Two years ago, the Houston Astros constructed "Ground Control"—a built-from-scratch online database for the private use of the Astros front office. It is by all accounts a marvel, an easy-to-use interface giving executives instant access to player statistics, video, and communications with other front offices around…

Spurs Get Revenge, Rout Heat In Game 5 For Fifth NBA Championship

The Heat kicked off Game 5 on a 22-6 run, and LeBron James contributed 17 of Miami's first 27 points. Even though no team had won with a 3-1 deficit in the Finals, the first quarter made Heat series vaguely conceivable. But then, the Spurs provided a dose of reality, stepped on Miami's throat, and concluded the Finals…

The Man Who Helped Bring Down Donald Sterling Is An Asshole, Too

If you were watching closely, you might've seen Kevin Johnson, the former NBA guard who's now mayor of Sacramento, sitting courtside at Staples Center during Game 4 of the Clippers-Thunder series. His arm was around his wife, Michelle Rhee, and the two seemed to preside over the action, conspicuous by design—their…