Birthdays: Richard Wolffe of Newsweek is 40 today. Fun fact: he speaks Ladino, the language of the Spanish and Sephardic Jews. Frizzy-haired former Bill Clinton sex-propositionee Paula Jones is 42. [Cityfile]

Deaths: John Booth, theater author and founder of the organization that sponsors TKTS, the discount theater ticket booth in Times Square. Thanks for the half-price tickets to Hairspray, good sir! [NYT]. Nina Lawson, longtime wig mistress for the Metropolitan Opera. [NYT]

Breakups: Larry and Denise Wohl, parents of headband-wearing "filmmaker" socialite Arden, have separated. “I would not say that he has a girlfriend, but [Larry] was [at the Plaza] with a woman.” Well, close enough. [NY Observer]

• Alterna-socialite Arden Wohl was arrested for writing "Ralphy Lipshits" on the front of a Ralph Lauren boutique in lipstick. That's a variation on the designer's real name of "Ralph Lipschitz" and a dumb thing to do while wearing a headband (which, face it, she almost certainly was), which is probably the clue that allowed police to track Wohl down after she made her drawing. Oh, she also stole some miniature American flags. [P6]
• Ex-Eliot Spitzer hooker Ashley Alexandra Dupre goes to the Waverly Inn because it's classy. (No one tries to touch or talk to her there, they strictly ogle.) [P6]
• Leonardo DiCaprio, who campaigned against wasteful junk mail, on account of the environment, is now sending out wasteful junk mail mail pitches, on account of the environment. [P6]
• Jennifer Aniston got upset because boyfriend John Mayer's ex Jessica Simpson sent very well-written love letters, and Mayer still saves them. Or not, because the not-at-all-clingy actress is denying the whole thing. [P6]
• In an upcoming video for Madonna's tour, Britney Spears will pretend to be a screaming, hair-pulling crazy person, while Madonna will pretend to be a randy bisexual with a thing for Spears. An acting tour de force, in other words. [Sun]

1. The New (New) Bohemian

Core Members: Tara Subkoff, Arden Wohl, Leigh Lezark, Stella Schnabel, Waris Ahluwalia, Chiara Clemente, Leelee Sobieski
Style.com says: With their creative-class roots and Opening Ceremony duds, these free-spirit types are giving the anemic benefit circuit a badly needed shot in the arm. Find them anywhere "It" is at—from fancy galas to the smoky back room at the Beatrice. Suggested conversation starters? Indie filmmaking, whatever patron saint Chloë Sevigny is up to now, headbands.
Absurd quote: "We're always looking for answers. Some people are looking for it in a socialite maybe. But you know, it just depresses me: Some girl named Peaches who lives in the Bronx…looks at this world and says, 'Oh wow.' And I would never want to give off something that is an illusion, because you hurt people that way. And they're already struggling so much—the people." —Arden Wohl
We say: If these people are bohemians, then we're a goddamn mango. There's nothing free-spirited about putting on a $4,000 dress you didn't pay for and then hitting a $10,000-a-plate dinner (which you also didn't pay for), even if you follow it up with a night of indoor smoking at "The Bee." Anybody who uses "headbands" as a conversation starter should be punched in the face immediately, and have their headband stolen so they no longer have anything to talk about.

2. The European Union

Core Members: Vladimir Roitfeld, Julia Restoin-Roitfeld, Tatiana Santo Domingo, Margherita Missoni, Stavros Niarchos, Andrea Casiraghi
Style.com says: What do young moneyed Euros do in New York? Stick together. More cliquish than seventh-grade girls, this group's regular haunts include Cipriani, Da Silvano, and anywhere else that can charge $35 for a plate of pasta and keep a straight face. They also congregate at the Washington Square Park town house of longtime couple Tatiana Santo Domingo (the Colombian beer heiress) and Andrea Casiraghi (Princess Caroline of Monaco and Hanover's son). Margherita Missoni, who dates Casiraghi's stepbrother, Ernst of Hanover, is arguably the most outgoing of the bunch (and the most liable to mingle with the other social groups). But Stavros Niarchos, who's reportedly romanced Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, has his own unique way of sampling American culture.
Absurd quote: "I've been in New York for four years now, and I feel that I have done it. It's a place where you can be busy all the time without ever doing anything." — Margherita Missoni.
We say: Busy all the time without doing anything? They could have a career in blogging — if they had careers. Apparently, one of the E.U.'s favorite "hotspots" is the British Airways' entertainment space at JFK, which pipes in the scent of freshly cut grass (you can't have them breathing QUEENS AIR, after all). Also, Stavros Niarchos? Bring your Valtrex prescription!

3. The Swans 2.0

Core Members: Amanda Hearst, Tinsley Mortimer, Fabiola Beracasa, Lauren Santo Domingo, Zani Gugelmann, Claire Bernard
Style.com says: This group is a closed set. Olivia Palermo, for example, has yet to recover from last spring's misstep—you know, when the now-defunct Web site Socialiterank.com published a letter that Palermo supposedly penned, apologizing for her status-seeking ways. It's still unclear if the missive was a hoax or an honest plea, but, no matter, it fell on deaf ears. Palermo's persistence has kept her at some of the parties, but not all the right ones. If you're not in the club yet, you probably won't be. Meanwhile, these socials—now inching into their thirties—can do no wrong. Tinsley Mortimer made a questionable move, posing for the cover of the New York Post's weekend glossy, Page Six Magazine, and no one blinked a false eyelash.
Absurd quote: "Paris Hilton brought to light the existence of the socialite to Middle America and the world. Before, it was either models or actresses—but socialites were, most times, born into this lifestyle. That's what fascinates people. It's a continuous lifestyle that people are fascinated by. But it's not all the media's fault. You know, it's us posing for the cameras and going out and exploiting the spotlight for our careers." —Fabiola Beracasa
We say: Olivia dodged a bullet, wethinks. Actually plenty of people blinked (and cringed and shuddered) at Tinsley's neurotic, self-consumed weight loss confessional. Also, no one really became "fascinated" with Paris until she started getting naked. Pretty much no one in Middle America has ever heard of Zani Gugelmann. In fact, they probably think that's the name of the ring master at Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey's Circus.

4. The Art Stars

Core Members: Dan Colen, Dash Snow, Ryan McGinley, Aaron Young, Nate Lowman, Mirabelle Marden, Melissa Bent, Amy Greenspon
Style.com says: Despite their "whatever, dude" mien, Colen, Snow, and their scruffy tribe of Lost Boys know that a gift for self-promotion is just as important as having a way with a paintbrush. Their biggest sell—apart from their actual art, of course—is their cooler-than-thou posse, of which everyone below 14th Street seems to want to be a part. "You realize that, like, your social context has a lot to do with, like, your success," Colen recently articulated.
Absurd quote: "It's funny to me that Dash [Snow] has become like a rock star, but he's so paranoid. That comes from graffiti culture—like, you want everybody to know who you are and you're going to write your name all over the city, but you can't let anyone know who you really are. It's, like, this idea of being notorious." —Ryan McGinley
We say: Full disclosure: We know next to nothing about art, so we can't even tell you if these dudes actually sell their shit. But everything you need to know can be found in the phrase "cooler-than-thou posse." And a person's popularity (excuse us, their "social context") shouldn't be determined by their success. It should be determined by the quality of their drugs.

5. The Catwalk Queens

Core Members: Lisa Cant, Gemma Ward, Lily Donaldson, Caroline Winberg
Style.com says: The only thing more intimidating than standing next to a model at a party is standing next to four models at a party. Especially when they're all giggling and taking pictures of each other on their camera phones and just generally having a waaay better time then you are. Curious as to how this sorority of gorgeousness operates, we turned to our trusted source on the inside, who gamely broke down the group dynamic: "Lily is the funny one, although Lisa has a good sense of humor, too. Gemma started off timid, because she's a long way from Australia, but is now comfy being a ringleader. And Caroline is just always up for a good time." So there you have it. Oh, and there's this: Aside from Donaldson, who dates Vladimir Roitfeld, everyone's single. Gentlemen, start your engines. (OK, forget it, you have no chance.)
Refreshingly non-absurd quote: "I had come straight from my auntie and uncle's farm, and I was wearing this big gray barn jacket with mud all over it. When the scout came up to me, I said, 'No, thank you.' But my friends were like, 'Hell, yes!' They forged my mum's signature and pushed me in front of the cameras." —Gemma Ward on breaking into modeling
We say: Anyone who's ever stood next to four models at a party and had to duck to avoid their protruding, malnourished sternums knows that it's usually more frightening than intimidating. What looks great in a picture can be kind of horrifying in person.

6. The New Kids on the Blog

Core Members: Leven Rambin, Hud Morgan, Mary Rambin, Julia Allison, Emily Brill, Devorah Rose, Annabel Vartanian, Kristian Laliberte
Style.com says: This year's crop of newbies owes a lot to the gossip bloggers who, under pressure to churn out a certain number of posts a day, are always ready to make a scandal out of a tidbit. Gawker.com's obsessive coverage of Julia Allison (including plenty of bikini shots) heightened the Star magazine editor's profile immeasurably. In case readers are itching to know more, there's always Allison's own navel-gazing site, Itsmejulia.com. In fact, a lot of these kids have turned to the Internet to document the minutiae of their daily life, from party-hopping (Emily Brill's Essentiallyemily.com) to Restylane injections (Mary Rambin's Stylebymaryrambin.com). If Truman Capote, notorious divulger of social secrets, were around today, he'd be out of a job.
Absurd quote: "I want to be New York's answer to Rachel Zoe…. Yeah, Nicole Richie did fire her and called her a bitch, but you know she worked her way up to that. She's one of my idols." —Kristian Laliberte
We say: Oh noes! It's all our fault! At the risk of adding fuel to the fire, we'll just say this: The last time we saw Leven Rambin she was getting her hair did at our salon a few months ago. She texted the entire time. While she was getting her hair washed, some man friend perched on the end of the chair facing her and she had her legs up in the air draped OVER HIS SHOULDERS. Then she ran out on the bill.

Colombe Jacobsen ("who grew up in Chicago and whose first name means 'dove' in French") went to Sarah Lawrence. Arden went to NYU. Colombe Jacobsen works with low-income children. Arden works with sexually exploited children. Arden makes movies. Colombe Jacobsen was in Mighty Ducks. And whereas Spencer Morgan lured Arden to the Old Town Bar, Colombe Jacobsen meets Felix Gillette ("whose last name means "razor" in French) in her very own apartment.

Ms. Jacobsen answered the door at her second-floor walk-up apartment on the Lower East Side. She was wearing a purple sundress and a funky green necklace that brought out the color in her eyes. She welcomed The Observer into her home. She was barefoot and smiling.

From Mighty Duck to Duck Confit [NYO]

Allison is an "actress, art patron, Domino contributing editor and society staple." According to her IMDB profile, "after extensive training" her brilliant thespian career includes the role of a Dryad and a Centaur in The Chronicles of Narnia. Having grown up in Houston, the daughter of a dude nicknamed "The Sphinx," Sarofim is well-equipped to compare New York City's social scene to that of her native Texas, "There's a competitive spirit between uptown and downtown that's very similar to Dallas and Houston." We're guessing downtown is Dallas but even that is like saying, "Yeah, there's a competitive spirit between uptown and downtown that's very similar to poop and throw up." Either way, both uptown and downtown loses.

In this version of reality, Sarofim's Halloween parties are the events of the season. Last year, it was Heironymous Bosch-themed. "This year," Serafim "enthuses," "I might do Dante's Inferno." and if this means downtown socialite Euan "We love the sense of village" Rellie plays Ugolino della Gherardesca to his children Heathcliff and Titus, we're all for it.

In the meantime, if you haven't spotted Sarofim, don't kick yourself too hard. "Her family has a house on Oahu and she is quick to point out that she travels more off the continent than she does to clothing stores on Madison AVenue." Suck on that, Arden Wohl!

There's a new girl in town. And by girl, we mean spot. And by spot, we mean private members-only rooftop lounge, opening this week. In case you haven't made her acquaintance, it's the new Gramercy Park Hotel Private Roof Club and Garden. Although she's still gun-shy for press at this stage, we bring you a sneak peek

What follows is a description of ivy trellises, cocktails and a club you can't get into. (Well, you probably can.) Depending on whether your tendencies skew toward elitism or democracy, this either makes you want in more or want in less. Either way, you're not alone.

An early activity report mentions, "Rachel Zoe is in love with the place... On Tuesday, [for] the afterparty for Anthony Hopkins/Ryan Gosling's Fracture - about 200+ people - there was a very tight door so those people who weren't on the original list (including a hippy-headed socialite and a seminal fashion photographer) had a hard time getting in."

Now despite the seemingly constant presence of Rachel Zoe, we're definitely interested in anything that gives Arden Wohl a hard time. —josh

Arden Of Eden [NYO]

"I mean, I don't hate the nice ones, the ones I've known since I was four... I'm on the committees for a lot of things, but I don't go to a lot of events." So why put on a party dress for Operation Smile, then? "I feel bad for kids' palates." Fair enough! Who doesn't?

Speaking of charity, Arden would also like to correct those who questioned her commitment to the NEST foundation, like the tipster who said that, at a recent blind auction to benefit the charity, "a total of $150,000 was raised (pre-expenses). Everyone's a winner! Except the artists, who donated work only to see it sold at low prices by a select group of super-rich."

"The NEST foundation is a serious, serious thing to me," Arden told us. "Also, after expenses, we raised $158,000." —Emily

Earlier: Arden: The Wohl Truth

Well, she's definitely a class A namedropper. A pal of ours who met her recently was amused that she managed to mention her "best friend" Leelee Sobieski (who narrated one of her student films) and her other good buddy George Clooney (who is co-producing her upcoming documentary about child prostitutes) within the first moments of their conversation. And while telling Paper about that latter project, Arden loosed this pearl: "My friend Tara [Subkoff] always says, 'You are going to be the best producer because you find all these talented people. You draw it out of them.'" Um, maybe her refusal to act all fake-modest is refreshing! Or something.

But wait, here's a reason to like Arden! Her mom is a lovable looney tune who makes comic books about fashionable superheroes who fight evil with the power of Kabbalistic principles! "They are not mutants. They are extremely gifted individuals. They are masters in quantum physics," is how Denise Wohl described the stars of her comic book Seven to the Times. If only all Park Avenue wives of wealthy real estate semi-tycoons turned their minds to such creative pursuits!

Before we cuddle back up to Arden and her headcklace wholeheartedly, though, let's take this into consideration: some people aren't so convinced of Arden's dedication to her social issue of choice (remember, the child hookers?) About that benefit for NEST, a tipster writes: "Many highly regarded artists donated work and those in attendance had a collective income sufficient to purchase Texas many times over. A total of $150,000 was raised (pre-expenses). Everyone's a winner! Except the artists, who donated work only to see it sold at low prices by a select group of super-rich."

Well, it seems like everyone's got their own take on Arden. We're reserving our opinion until the lady herself weighs in. Come on down and talk to us, Arden! And bring that bowl. —Emily

Could This Be The Photo-Op That Distracted Arden Wohl At A Benefit For Child Sex Trade Victims? [Wendy Wayrad]

emily: *ARDEN!!!

doree: arrrrrden

doree: maybe we should discuss her first

emily: Well here is how my conversation with her went

emily: First I explained to her what Gawker is
and then a waitress came by with a tray of gougeres and Arden took three of them in a napkin "for her pregnant friend upstairs"

doree: oh those little fried things?

emily: So I was left talking to Arden's business partner

doree: those were delish.

emily: They were good but too salty I thought
Maybe I just got a salty one.
You know what was really excellent? Those little beef carpaccio roll ups

doree: yes, those beef carpaccio things were excellent.
i also enjoyed the cheese boards.
but, sorry
arden!

emily: ARDEN!

doree: she is very skinny.

emily: Great tits.

doree: small, but perky

doree: but no ass.

emily: You're a lesbian. Anyway, I asked her business partner "Business partner? What kind of business?"

emily: and she said, "MOVIES!"
I'm all, "ohhh."
Then Arden came back and pouted about the fact that we had posted pictures of her smoking weed, and said that her Dad had seen them

doree: deb schoeneman told me that arden has been going out in new york for 15 years
and also that it's because her parents took her everywhere.
so really, should it have been such a surprise to her dad?

emily: Good point! Well, do you want to hear the story behind that photo?

doree: YES

emily: "My parents went to St. Barts. And, like, I didn't go. It was over Halloween. I mean, Thanksgiving. And I was hanging out with my friend Jen who is a publicist for the Maritime Hotel. And I was like 'I don't really feel like drinking, but sure, I'll smoke some pot'"

doree: oh, poor Arden.

emily: "That was the last time I smoked pot."
(later)
"Actually, I've smoked pot since then."

doree: sigh

emily: I tried to reassure her that it was okay!
I'm like "I have smoked pot 100,000,000 times since Thanksgiving. It's fine."

doree: yes. though, that doesn't explain the necklace around her head
she had some 20s flapper thing going on.

emily: On her Socialite Rank thing she says that head jewelry is one of her favorite things, so I guess that is the explanation?
I think it suits her.
Who was the most fun person you talked to?

doree: hmm!

emily: Adam Moss hands down, right?
j/k

doree: heh.

doree: well, i ran from laurel touby.

emily: Ha!
why?

doree: her fishnets were scaring me

emily: Scary hair too. She is all "this scrunchie is a 25 cent facelift"

doree: oh god
at one point
she and her husband ran over to the table where they'd put down their stuff
because they were afraid someone else might sit there

emily:Well, seating was very hard to come by

doree: like, they had been watching it from across the room.
then sit there!
you know?

emily:remember we had to keep crouching down so that Michael Stipe's friends would stop being like "AHEM"

doree: HA
totally
and pregnant lady

emily:Even during the commercials!

doree: she was very concerned.
because they were IN the commercials

emily: Oh you mean Sarah Sophie Flicker?
Oh! Yeah, that was it

doree: that diet coke commercial
someone was all, "THIS IS MY COMMERCIAL"

emily: hahahaha. brag about it some more!

doree: right??
also, everyone upstairs thought ellen's jokes were way funny
like, uproariously so.

emily: they are all lesbians too i guess. like you!!
ok, and me
i am the one who said arden had nice tits in the first place.

doree: um, yes.
but it's ok
lesbians are the new bisexuals.

emily: that's what i keep hearing!
well I was very starstruck by my conversation with Michael Stipe

doree: i was too starstruck to even talk to him

emily: he was sad because once apparently Gawker said that he smelled bad.

doree: aw
did he?

emily: He smelled good, in a delightful sort of hippie way

doree: aw
remember when he asked you what you think of Dirt?

emily: he smelled like the interior of a store where they would sell crystals and dreamcatchers.

doree: there was a store like that in my hometown.

emily: was it called, like, Enchanting Oddments?

doree: it was called horai-san

emily: I feel that michael is an enchanting oddment. I hope he thinks our lives are like Courtney Cox's on that show.

doree: i think he does!

emily: HORAI SAN? oh god.

doree: yes! all faux-asian
ha
did you talk to the queer eye guy?

emily: Ted Allen! YES.

doree: oh THAT'S his name.

emily: I actually had a good question for him.
remember when there was that rumor that Padma Lakshmi, Salman Rushdie wife and Top chef host (ha, sorry) smoked oodles of weed on set?

doree: oh yes

emily: (i love how pot themed all my questioning was, now that i think about it)

doree: HM!

emily: well he was a guest judge on top chef

doree: ahh

emily: so i asked him about the rumors.
he was like (long pause)
"Ohhh . . . there are rumors about that?"

doree: oh, brilliant

emily: (very long pause)
"Well all I will say is that Padma is talented and beautiful and a true foodie."

doree: i hate that word foodie

emily: really? it does kind of sound like what it is though.
a precious word for a precious type of person

doree: ha, true

emily: also ted thinks that Sam should have won top chef.
I am one of like three people who cares, but it is my duty to report this.

(CONTINUED!

Team Party Crash: New York Magazine Oscar Party [photos]

[Ed Note.: Yes, these are usually called Team Party Crash. But guess what? We were fucking invited! By a publicist no less! Eww! What's the world coming to?]

Which annoying socialite will earn a place in the gossip columns if that photo of her with a crack pipe ever makes it onto the blogs?