7-Year-Old Alaskan Hell-Child Linked to String of Fires

Today's nightmare realized comes to us in the form of a 7-year-old boy from Juneau, Alaska, who was discovered to have started at least five fires—in an elementary school, a government building, a random patch of grass—over the last four to five months.
Frappucino Firebomber Sounds Like a Giant Bigot, After All
Though yesterday's news was that 40-year-old confessed Frappucino firebomber Ray Lazier Lengend threw Starbucks-themed Molotov cocktails to avenge petty slights, the New York Daily News reports that prosecutors now say Lengend wanted to hit "as many Muslims and Arabs as possible."
Frappucino Firebomber Confesses: I'm Not a Bigot, Just a Petty Jerk
After apprehending the New Yorker who constructed Molotov cocktails out of Starbucks Frappucino bottles and used them to attack Hindu and Muslim places of worship, a bodega, and a priate residence yesterday, the NYPD extracted a confession from the Frap-otov bomber. He's not a huge bigot, just a minor one with a…
Frappucino Firebomber Targeted Hindus and Muslims, Is Almost Too Symbolic
Not much is known, yet, about the motives of a New York man who poured gasoline into Starbucks Frappucino bottles, stuffed toilet paper into the top as a wick, and proceeded to fling lit firebombs at a Hindu temple, a Muslim community center, a bodega, and possibly two private residences on New Year's Day.
Los Angeles Temporarily Saved From Burning to the Ground
For four days, a prolific car arsonist had Los Angeles car-owners posting up all night like nervous cowboys guarding their cattle from wolves. A suspect was arrested today; he might be mad at America for deporting his mom.
Psychopath Burns Elderly Woman to Death in Elevator
Another gruesome elevator death has shocked and terrified an already lift-phobic city. But this time it was no accident — as was the case with Wednesday's freak crushing of a 41-year-old ad executive at a Madison Ave. building — but rather a carefully premeditated act of murder perpetrated upon a 73-year-old Brooklyn…
Woman Burns Down Friend's House For Defriending Her on Facebook
One day, years from now, Jennifer Christine Harris will scroll back to this week on her Facebook Timeline and regret everything she sees. (She'll also be, like, "I still don't get the point of Facebook Timeline. The interface is so confusing and the pictures are way too big!") The Des Moines native was arrested for…
Domino's Managers Strategically Torch Rival Papa John's
Let's just dig into the Florida news here and pull out a typical Florida news story, at random: Aha. Two young men in Lake City were thinking entrepreneurially last week:
Corporate Pizza Turf War Turns Fiery in Florida
"When you're a Domino's manager you're a Domino's manager all the way, from your first cigarette to your last fiery hit on a Papa John's outlet that results in arson charges for you and your colleague." This is how the song might go today, if West Side Story were set in modern-day Florida and about rival corporate…
Man Somehow Fails to Turn His Poop Into Gold By Heating It
Our mom says that "anything's possible if you put your mind to it," and she's never wrong, so we're fairly certain that there is some way to transform human poop into gold. But mixing the poop with fertilizer and putting it on a heater is not that way, as Irish wannabe wizard Paul Moran recently discovered.
Woman Arrested for Setting Boyfriend's Crotch on Fire
Berlinda Dixon-Newbold is charged with aggravated assault for lighting the crotch of her boyfriend's pants on fire while he slept. She did it because she wanted more attention, not because he's a "liar, liar." His "family jewels" survived the blaze.
Thug Runs Into Lamppost After Bombing Building
Nefarious Londoner Amir Ali used a petrol bomb to destroy a pub, then turned around and ran face-first into a lamppost. Here's security camera footage of the violent criminal looking like a total dum-dum.
Arsonist Sets Fire at Portland Terror Suspect's Sometime Mosque
The Corvallis, Oregon mosque where Mohamed Osman Mohamud—the former rapper suspected of trying to blow up Portland's Christmas tree lighting ceremony—sometimes worshipped was set on fire on Sunday. Because, yes, mosque arson will definitely discourage anti-American terrorism.
Naked Man Suspected in Blaze
If you see a naked man laughing at a house fire, he probably set the fire.
In Your Panic to Eliminate Bedbugs, Do Not Set Fire to a Home
A public housing cleaner found a mattress she feared had bedbugs. She dragged it into the hallway, lit it on fire, and ran away. Now she has been charged with arson. (N.B. "Call an exterminator" is the correct response.)
Disgruntled Domino's Pizza Employee Torches Pizza Boxes, Restaurants
A bitter 24-year-old former Domino's Pizza employee from the Bronx, Jamal Thomas, was arrested Friday for allegedly setting fire to two Domino's locations and inflicting $1 million in damages. Naturally, he used pizza boxes as fire starters.
Feds Say Tennessee Mosque Site Torching Was Arson
The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives has determined that a fire at a construction site for a mosque in Tennessee was, in fact, arson. Recent reports of gunshots near the site have been blamed on dove hunting season.
