What is on the agenda of Philadelphia's most popular hero, Arthur Kade? "I need to practice riding horses, spear fighting, and sword fighting." Just like Napoleon Dynamite! But did Napoleon fend off thrown vagina with the ease of Kade?

Philadelphia heartthrob Arthur Kade, on the new Amelia Earhart biopic: "It was like watching Arthur Kade in the [1930s] with a vagina and shorter hair." He's good, he's really good! Why, these words could have come from the aviatrix herself:

Bitches want Philly fakeball Arthur Kade to take them to dinner in order to get inside their drawers. That's not Kade Style; but his little SEX DROUGHT is getting pretty bad. How bad?

You may want to be seated as we deliver this news: Arthur Kade, the internet's biggest vagina, had a near-death experience yesterday. But as one fameball wavers on the precipice, another fameball friend could soon make her return!

Saw Arthur Kade goose-stepping his way through the 34th Street 123 station at 5:45 PM. He has the strangest walk; he puffs out his chest and thrusts his hips out. The overall effect is that of someone with something down the back of their pants. He was eating something doughy and chewing with his mouth open.

Philly pseudofameball Arthur Kade is constantly forced to top his own previous heights of assholedom just to maintain his ongoing performance art project. He does this by appearing ever more insane. Taint hair complaints are okay; but this is sublime:

Are you longing to stand in line for hours for the chance to be fed stale bagels and generally get treated like a disease-ridden subhuman? Yes?! Well then you're ready to be an extra in a big-budget Hollywood film!

In an exciting bit of rumor that almost makes us want to take the rest of the week off, a tipster tells us they heard on Philly radio that Zoolanderesque performance artist Arthur Kade's getting a reality TV show. Uh.

Arthur Kade, the world's greatest man/thespian, is in New York to work as a "featured extra" in some flick. To enhance "The Journey," Kade took the bus in from Philly, slumming in the back "like a modern day Rosa Parks."

When are you the most greatest individual in the entire Philadelphia metropolitan region, you can't be walking around with just any cell phone. Today, Arthur "Zoolander" Kade reveals the hot "Special Edition" phone he's getting, when he can afford it.

We've always suspected that F-list Philly fameball Arthur Kade was laying on the Zoolander-ness a little thick, for effect. We so wanted him to be real that we've tried to ignore it. But this week, he's just become unbelievable:

Last night, James Frey met Philly fameball Arthur Kade, a character so committed to perfectly attaining the state of "douchebag" (as originally defined) that some suspect he's a performance-art hoax. Frey investigated — and earned his Gawker special correspondent wings.

The more we get the feeling that Arthur Kade, Philly's Zoolanderesque parody of himself, is actually a performance artist exploring the nature of assholery, the more we want to believe that he is real. As real as the "When Harry Met Sally" dialogue he practiced for "an astounding 12 hours."

Zoolanderesque Philly fameball Arthur Kade has a problem: "I become so much better than everyone else that I get bored and stop focusing on the basics." That's just the beginning.

Our friend Arthur Kade is moving up in the world! Philly's most inane John Fitzgerald Page knockoff is in a movie with Angelina Jolie. Eh, Arthur Kade has fucked hotter chicks: