What else? Joe Francis might have had something to do with Tila Tequila/Casey Johnson. Angelie Jolie's latest production: Salt-y. Artie Lange has a gig, Lydia Hearst has a mans, Patti Smith's still punk. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

"Lange's suicide attempt has once again exposed the dark side of comedy. Too often, the people who make us laugh are the ones who struggle most with painful personal lives."—ABC News weighs in on Artie Lange. [Photo via]

We're only a week into 2010, this is true. But we're fairly confident that celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck has already snagged the worst accidental endorsement of the year. [NYDN]

In an apparent suicide attempt, Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange stabbed himself nine times—six "hesitation wounds" and three "deep plunges"—and is now in the hospital. There is something extra-tragic about comedians with depression. [P6]

• The Casey Johnson saga continues: Yesterday, Nicky Hilton and Bijou Phillips, both of whom were pals of the late heiress, showed up at Tila Tequila's house to take possession of Casey's two dogs. A screaming fight ensued, and the police had to be called in to mediate, since Tequila claimed the two women were…

It took 20 hours to get Kate's hair to a socially acceptable state. LiLo gets kicked off a private jet and a commercial airplane. Gary Coleman has a seizure. Political relevance infiltrates Page Six, and it's not okay: Thursday gossip.

• Is Tiger Woods in New York right now? Did he settle with his estranged wife by handing her a check for $300 million? In two pretty dubious stories now making the rounds, a friend of Elin Nordegren says Woods' scorned wife—who spent the holiday weekend at a French ski resort—has been telling pals she got a $300…

Charlie Sheen's kids: staying with their mom. Michael Jackson's estate: being collected on by people worse than Joe Jackson. Alicia Keys and Arianna Huffington want places in the city. Kristen Bell gets a BAAAAW. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Sean Lennon turns 34 today. Sharon Osbourne is turning 57. Newly retired pro golfer Annika Sörenstam is 39. Former Senator Trent Lott is turning 68. Director Guillermo del Toro turns 45. Tony Shalhoub is 56. Jackson Browne is 61. John O'Hurley of Seinfeld and Dancing with the Stars is 55. Actor Brandon Routh is…

• Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie moving to NYC and into a giant apartment at the Apthorp? That's the rumor! [NYDN]
• The good news/bad news for Madonna: She's getting along much better with her ex, Guy Ritchie, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, the reconciliation isn't making Madonna's boyfriend, Jesus Luz,…

Harry Potter and Gossip Girl finally meet in the middle, Jon Gosselin wants to capitalize on the worst fashion trend in the History of the Universe, Robert Pattinson's good in bed, Jim Carry's a scary grandparent, and celebrity DUI time!

The week she's starring in a blockbuster film release, nude photos of Megan Fox magically appear on the internet, Artie Lange is banned from the Tonight Show, Lindsay Lohan goes berserk in a club, and Paris dishes on boning Ronaldo.

• Just when you thought Lindsay Lohan couldn't do anything to surprise you: It seems $400,000 worth of Christian Dior jewelry went missing following an Elle photo shoot in London. The last person to see it? That would be Lohan, who is now being sought by investigators for questioning. [NYDN, TMZ]
• Despite rumors to…

After winding his way through a media-sponsored meltdown that saw him terrorize Conan O'Brien, endure torture on Donnie Deutsch, and ultimately resign from the Howard Stern show, comedian Artie Lange pulled out of the Bob Saget roast this past weekend to check himself into rehab. Says Page Six:

Forgetting Sarah Marshall star Jonah Hill's initial baby steps into a regular work out routine were thwarted by a nosy photographer. Hill politely asked if the photographer could leave him alone, seeing as how Hill had successfully finished his first block. Unfortunately for all parties involved, the photographer said…