Over the weekend, the Post's magical resurrection of the Spitzer hooker scandal hit its peak. Instead of taking our advice and either disappearing or becoming a self-sustaining business mogul via pornography (either one of which would make her the master of her own fate and Money$$), Ashley foolishly chose to "get into bed," HEH, so to speak, with the dirty tabloid, in exchange for some "publicity" for her "musical career." It is a trick, Ashley! Give up this "musical" "career" at once and get as far away from the Post as possible!

The paper extracted the following things from the empowered young woman over the weekend:
1. Sexxxy photos.
2. Exclusive debut and video for her craptastic new pop song.

In return they gave her a puff piece calling her a "poster child for redemption." LOL! Oh and an explanatory piece on her tattoos. That too. And the Post's most painful concession (if you're a music critic): A positive review of her new single, "I Feel So Alive Without You." It's in the paper, but not online. That may have been a concession to Dan Aquilante, the critic forced to write this:

Unlike her first single, "Inside Out," a molasses-tempo ballad, this new tune has youth appeal in its complex melody that segues from a rock opening to a poppy chorus and ultimately plays with an unplugged acoustic bridge. Dupre should consider weaving in a quick rap for good measure.

Yes, weaving in a quick rap usually gives these things a touch of class. Aquilante didn't let this mandatory positive review go through without exacting his revenge in the kicker:

Ask any rock star and they'll tell you it's all about hooks, looks and the smarts to know how to take advantage of an opportunity when it falls into your lap — Miss Dupre has an abundance of all three qualities.

References to hookers and lap dances. You see Ashley, this is just the nature of the game. It was actually impressive when you turned down multimillion-dollar porn offers in the wake of the Spitzer scandal and went quiet for a while. What you don't realize, Ashley: the New York tabloid industry is shadier than the porn industry. And the tabloids don't even pay you.

What did we tell you about this, Ashley? If you had followed our advice you would have already built your trashy faux-media empire and stacked enough cash to drop out of the public eye forever by now, via porn. We told you specifically to give up the music. Your music sucks. But what do we see, today? You, writing on a blog, for free, playing right into the hands of the bloodsucking tabloids, and plugging another god damn song!

People think I made money off music that was exploited when the scandal first broke, that I am doing reality television, and that I made millions posing nude for magazines... I never sold any photos of myself - but people who I trusted did. And the "millions" for the nude pics? I was offered that, repeatedly – and turned them down because I didn't want to perpetuate the problem or feed into the stereotype.

We know, that's the problem! You could be rich by now! Look, Ashley, the fact is that you are right, morally. You are doing the right thing to retain your humanity. But then you let the devil, in the form of the New York Post, sneak in through the back door because you think it will help your music career, of all things. Not only did you start "speaking out" right on schedule for the tabloid, but they also ran your entire Global Grind blog post in the paper, and did a review of your new song. We're not saying you struck some sort of deal with them, but if you did, you got conned. The tabloids will cover whatever you do no matter what. Your reputation is not going to change substantially. And you will never get rich off music—because, as we mentioned, your music sucks (but not in a lucrative way).

So sell out like the evil world wants you to, or just fade into obscurity. One's good for your soul. The other's good for your wallet. Playing footsie with the Post will only lead you off the cliff. Trust us here. We are your friend.

Based on the fact that they want to! Yesterday the Post ran an "exclusive" cover story about Spitzer "eyeing a comeback." That's all it takes to reignite the entire news cycle! Today there's a follow-up cover story. And surely many more to come. So what was the breaking news that started the rehashing of this whole tabloid gold story once again? This, basically:

"He's weighing it," said one source.

Followed by denials! It doesn't matter. All that matters is that the Spitzer story is back now, which gives the media the chance to re-explore and update all the angles that have been sitting dormant for months. Today's angle for the Post: Ashley Dupre's mom doesn't think Spitzer should do the thing that the Post's anonymous source says maybe he is thinking about doing, although he says he is not! Which is also a good excuse for the paper to dig out those sexxxy bikini shots of Ashley and her surprisingly fit mother. Endless updates on Ashley Dupre's post-prostitution career, complete with more sexxxy photos, TK!

Need to bring back a story that's just too sweet to let go of? It's easy.

1. Dig up and/ or fabricate a single speculative new piece of information about the story's protagonist. Anything will do.
2. Pad this piece of information out with reaction quotes until it reaches full story length. Splash it across your cover. Be sure to choose a good photo! The story itself doesn't matter. All that matters is that people will see the new headline and be reminded of that sweet, sweet scandal.
3. Commence to re-interview all the tertiary players in the original story. Write new stories about their new reactions to the "new" information. This can also lead to feature pieces about "Where are they now?" Use lots of photos!
4. Continue as long as the public's interest holds out.

Eliot Spitzer can look forward to a lot more time spent shooting the shit with cameramen outside his apartment.

Which is impressive. Not that Silda has forgiven her husband, since we live in an age when it's all about personal growth and learning from experience and going through a journey to arrive at a reconciled space. No, we just think it's brave of her to admit the best date she can get is some guy who writes for Slate.

(Photo via New York Daily News)

Ashley has a new 'blog' today! What's she been up to? Oh yoga and this and that, etc.:

In great part, discovering my identity came through the quiet reflection I enjoyed while practicing yoga, and the inner strength I've developed attracts powerful things. I'm seeing that the stronger I am at my core, the more natural and effortless it becomes to draw positive people and uplifting experiences into my life. For example, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined befriending Russell Simmons while taking class at a yoga school I started going to in the past year. This school has been the safe haven for my self-study and spiritual development. The more I know my true self, the more I come to have faith that my presence on earth means more or at least has different meaning than the media or disbelievers have tried to frame it to be.

We have to level with you, Ashley: you're doing exactly the right thing, which is no good for our purposes. Ignoring the media, being quiet, meditating, learning humility, and focusing on self-improvement are great ways to become a better person and move past your scandalous past. What the hell are we supposed to do with that, hmm? We had a better career plan for you: Porn. Why do you ignore this easy money in favor of spiritual salvation?

See, you doing scandalous things pays our salary, Ashley. Porn sells. If you're gonna screw us on that, at least don't stop blogging. (But still, consider porn).
[Ashley writes things here]

• Despite what Dr. Phil was told, someone's shopping a tape of Octo-Mom giving birth, shot by one of Nadya Suleman's close friends. [TMZ]
• Octo-Mom to Dr. Phil on having her last batch of eight kids: "I wasn't thinking rationally. In retrospect, would I have done that again? I don't know." Having eight more kids while you're still alone and on food stamps with the first six? Ya, that's a tough one. [Us]
• Neel Shah reveals that yoga saved former hooker Ashley Dupre's life. In so doing, he does not once use the phrase "downward dog." Gawker's little intern is all grown up! [P6]
  
• Jeff Zucker likes to watch Jimmy Fallon play with his Wii. [Gatecrasher]
  
• The New York Times crossword editor used "WSJ" as the answer to the clue "Where to read about the [NYSE]." As punishment, he must somehow fit the answer "DealBook by Andrew Ross Sorkin" into one of his future puzzles.
• It's possible Chris Brown will win up to two "Kids' Choice" awards on Nickelodeon. OK, so someone finally devised a scenario that makes us favor uninformed voters and corrupt election officials. It doesn't mean we're over the Bush v. Gore ruling. [People]
  
• If everyone could stop arguing over which ladyfriend is or is not ultimately responsible for the apparently bloody fight between Chris Brown and Rihanna, that would be great. There's exactly one person responsible for Chris Brown's actions. [OK!]
• George Clooney was reportedly so drunk in St. Louis recently he could barely stumble to his hotel. Laugh at him now, and then the next time you're piss drunk realize you're just as bad, except also half as handsome. [Gatecrasher]

You would think this "Yigal Azrouël" would be happy for the free PR that up-and-coming singer Dupre brought to his show. But he wasn't:

A no-nonsense, late night press release announced the news: "Following the showing of his Fall Winter 2009 Collection, Yigal Azrouël has decided to fire front-of-house PR Company, People's Revolution, for mismanagement."

That PR company is run by Kelly Cutrone, star of The City. And she couldn't care less about that crappy fashion label client, frankly! Nobody named "Yigal" will come between Kelly and her friend, Ashley Dupre, singer.

"When I met her I was like, you know what, I really like this girl," said Ms. Cutrone. "I'm vehemently opposed to morality, and I think that people who are insistent upon propelling morality ultimately hang themselves."

Got that? She's vehemently opposed to morality. Okay. So anyhow let's get right down to brass tacks and find out from Ashley Alexandra Dupre, hey Ashley, tell us about your upcoming music album will you?

Over pasta and salmon at L'Ulivo in the West Village, Dupre opened up about her hoped-for music career, her love of fashion and how she's dealt with moving on from the Eliot Spitzer scandal. "It's pop-rock, it's going to be deep, not bubblegum. It's definitely a personal record," said Dupre, 23, of the album she is currently recording...But don't expect any Spitzer-related songs. "I think I'll stay away from that, it would be pretty tacky," said Dupre, who is petite, gregarious and blessed with a flawless complexion. "I don't want to sing about it and I don't think anyone wants to listen to it."

Well you are certainly wrong about that! [NYDN, NYO, WWD]

WWD caught Ashley at the Yigal Azrouel show today, although all the other celebs and photographers totally overlooked her! They milked her for this exclusive info:

"I'm here to see Yigal, I'm really excited," she said of the show, though it is not her first ever fashion show experience. She'll also be attending the IMG party, said Dupre, clad in leather pants, towering sandals, and a red jacket with her hair demurely parted on one side. As for future projects, including her music career, she said "I'm not going to say what I'm doing - I want to give it a fair shot. But we'll be announcing something soon."

We already know what she should be doing. More importantly, if you see Ashley out and about, please send us some pics. [WWD]

UPDATE: Hey, here are some dynamic photographs of the occasion, via here:

Best:

9. Boston Globe reporter tells married source "Don't shave" — This was almost a non-scandal, just a stale affair that happened in Miami the year before. But the emails! "I haven't shaven since I left Miami. Thought you would like that image :)"

8. Jared Paul Stern's wife cheats, there are pictures — At first we couldn't believe the former Page Six gossip writer's wife would have sex with a random business partner, but then there were photos. As if getting fired from the Post amid nasty extortion allegations wasn't sad enough on husband Stern. Tragic.

7. "Steve Ratner has paid my wife $500,000.00 to leave me." — The head of private equity at Credit Suisse was driven from his job by a man whose wife he slept with. The guy spammed a tawdry tale of humiliation into newspaper comments sections. A sympathetic feature in the Times only deepened the humiliation. The internet is to blame, as always.

6. Lara Logan, CBS News' Iraq-based homewrecker — She was a correspondent in Iraq, slept with a contractor named Joe Burkett (and this other guy, who works for CNN!) and then got pregnant. The first guy's wife was not happy. There was something about sexism and double standards but, really, it was just all awful and every involved came out looking pretty terrible, Logan very much included.

5. The "redneck" father of Bristol Palin's baby — Tobacco-chewing, self-described redneck Levi Johnston, 18, knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter right before Palin was named John McCain's running mate. His mere existence was a scandal to the coastal elites, who looked at him and were all "eww," especially during the convention. He still hasn't married Bristol like he promised!

4. Max Mosley's Nazi- or prison-themed S&M orgy tape — News of the World had five hours of video in which a British racing boss is disciplined by German-speaking women in some kind of make-believe prison-camp. Mosley denied it was a Nazi thing and won a suit against the tabloid for invasion of privacy. When will America learn to manufacture a proper, quality sex scandal with elaborate bondage and tons of video?

3. Madonna and A-Rod — They claim not to have slept together while Alex Rodriguez was married, but Madonna was, at the very least, emotionally close enough to the Yankees slugger to be named an "other woman" in his wife's divorce proceeding. The couple also felt the ned to meet at a New York restaurant in secret. Then, after the divorce, they flew all over the world together.

Maybe they really do just study Kaballah and stare at each other, but isn't Madonna getting kind of old for these games? Wait, sorry, that was sexist.

2. John Edwards cheats on his cancer-stricken wife, lies about it — Sure, other politicians have cheated on their sick wives and gone on to distinguished careers, but Edwards lied to the press, ran from National Enquirer reporters and hid in a bathroom, delayed any explanation for weeks and then issued a fishy, limited admission that, yes, he did screw former campaign videographer Rielle Hunter. But that love child isn't his!

No one's really convinced, and by delaying the inevitable Edwards became a political non-entity at the precise time his populist, anti-corporate message looked more prescient than ever.

1. Gov. Eliot Spitzer and his prostitute, Ashley Dupre, are busted — Many people enjoyed the comeuppance of Mr. Holy McSmartypants, the former Wall Street-busting state attorney general turned arrogant governor. The feds got him, for whoring.

One of Spitzer's hookers, Ashley Youmans (stage name Ashley Alexandra Dupre, hooker name "Kristen") had a MySpace account, had made video for Girls Gone Wild as a teenager, had a song on the internet, for sale and had made a music video. Everything was in place to explode her story.

Like Edwards. Spitzer, too, was ahead of the curve in calling out the rotting uselessness of then-respected American financial institutions . Oh well.

Worst:

• Miley Cyrus wears lipstick in Vanity Fair, let's panic: She's wearing only bedsheet at age 15! Sex! Aggggh! She's a terrible role model and probably a witch! No wait, that Jewish lesbian mystic hypnotized her and instilled devil sensuality into her! Actually, it turns out she's been doing silly sorta sexual poses with her cameraphone, on MySpace, for various boyfriends forever, and she quickly acquired a 20-year-old man, and then said she'd love to work with Annie Leibovitz again.
• John McCain maybe sexed a lobbyist, on a jet: The Times stuttered and stammered this accusation over months, and then couldn't bring itself to even make it. God. Like there were no other, more solid McCain scandals to go after?
• Sarah Palin cheated on her husband: Ya, that one really panned out decisively. It's actually pretty heartening that Katie Couric's old-fashioned journalism on old-fashioned topics is what made the difference. Not that sex isn't a relevant issue, but, come on: path of least resistance.
• Cindy McCain kisses another man!: They couldn't get this out before the election was over? At least then it might have drummed up some interest. Nothing has been heard about it since. Even if it pans out: Depressing.

• Though they've broken up, social something-or-other Paris Hilton would still like to marry her rock n' roller friend Benji Madden. [Showbiz Spy]
• And screw weddings, says Jennifer Aniston! The Picture Perfect actor has turned down the proposal of her on-again-off-again beau John Mayer. [ShowbizSpy]
• Sad alien people Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and daughter Suri spent Earth Thanksgiving with British figurines David & Victoria Beckham, and their peculiarly named smaller editions. Everyone else is robots. [US]
• Shamed/glorified upscale call girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre (boner of governors!) just wants to share her music with the world. It's like a cross between Joan Osborne and a hooker caterwauling drunkenly in an Atlantic City alleyway. [P6]
• Irish brogue rogue actor Colin Farrell was denied sex by a sexy US Army Reservist who is descended from Afghani royalty. That's like when Edwin Booth was denied courtship by General Lee's fetching grandniece. Or, not at all. History! [P6]
• Onion story funny, true. [The Onion]

We mean to say that in a ratings battle that was historially waged on Friday night, Dupre's much ballyhooed Diane Sawyer 20/20 interview handily trounced Lipstick Jungle (which aired, on a Friday for some reason, in the same slot as the interview) with a 8.2 million to 3.3 million point spread. So, though series star Brooke Shields might deny it, Jungle is ding-dong diddily dead. And Ashley Dupre is famous(ish) again!

Jungle has plenty of sex, sure, but it's mostly about the clothes (there's a character named Victory who is a fashionz dezinerz!) and the Baudelaire lifestyles the garments imply. Dupre was all about where the sexing will get you—money! in New York! fleeting, squirrely third-hand fame! Both gluttony and lust are strong ass sins, to be sure, but I guess in the end the carnality, unlike the consumerism, is free. Well, not free. But...

Oh, you know what I mean.

• Fashion—Remember Monica Lewinsky's successful line of handbags? No you don't, because her handbag line was not successful. She harbored the illusion that women would choose to spend money to have a fashion item with her personal aura hanging off their arms. It turns out women do not want their fashion labels to convey a reputation for, primarily, blowjobs. Not fair, but a fact. Fashion lines without an extremely cheeky touch are doomed to fail.
• Music—We hear you want a music career. Do you have deep and unique talent? Not from what we've heard. Skip it.
• Talk Show—You could give this a shot, right? I mean, how hard could it be to be the next, say, Ricki Lake? She probably gets around too amirite? (SEXIST). The truth is that hosting a successful talk show is way harder than it looks. I'm sure you could convince some desperate off-brand network to give you a talk show, Ashley, but once the novelty wore off, it would either have to get really sexual really fast, or die. Or you would have to turn out to have some heretofore unknown media skills, which we doubt. Stick to being interviewed yourself, not the other way around.
• Advice Column—Now this is an idea! There are several advantages to an advice column. Initially, people would read just because you're famous. But then, if you had good (SEXY) advice, people would read just to hear that! And you can always hire a ghostwriter. And this isn't dependent on your looks! Save this as a retirement plan. But use a current photo.
• Write a Book—You might have a good, trashy tell-all in you, Ashley, but you'd have to be willing to tell all. These People magazine and Diane Sawyer interviews you're doing now are child's play. You can look sympathetic and respectable on the book's cover, but if you don't give up the (SEXY) goods inside, people aren't going to drop $25 at the airport book store. Do this in the next six months, if you need the cash.
• Politics—It would be funny! Vote for the only New Yorker who could defeat Spitzer, LOL! Actually this would only work if Spitzer restarted his political career and the Republicans were very desperate for an opponent. Though you do have a promising career as a political symbol, Ashley.
• Porn—We have to level with you: this is the most lucrative thing you could possibly do. The sad fact is that women who get famous for sex scandal reasons are always branded, foremost, as sex objects. Sucks if you have actual life aspirations! But you can in fact make millions and millions by doing porn, then take your money and go live in Belize in peace. This would also get you out of Jersey. Think about it.

Think about it: if Spitzer had decided not to resign (as we advised at the time), he'd now be a scandal-ridden and likely ineffective governor. He would also, however, have the luck to be a high officeholder in New York now that Obama has been elected.

Obama is very likely to name Hillary Clinton to a cabinet position. That will mean New York needs its governor to name a new Senator to fill her spot. If Spitzer were still the governor, who better to name than himself? The state Democrats would surely support it, just to be able to clear him the hell out so the party could move on to a slightly more scandal-free future. And nobody in Washington would really mind, because they all fuck whores there, at least metaphorically.

So Spitzer could have put himself in Hillary's seat and installed David Paterson as governor, just as he is now. Spitzer's particular skill set—cracking down on corporate profligacy—is looking pretty good right now. Once the Post got off his ass about the scandal, he'd probably be able to do some good.

But he resigned, so none of this will happen. It would be kind of nifty if Paterson appointed him to the seat now, as some have suggested. (It would be great for Paterson, who would have neatly gone from being a little-known Lieutenant Governor to having Spitzer owe him a huge favor). But it won't happen, because in America you can screw taxpayers, but not hookers. Live and learn. Spitzer will be back on the scene in two years either way. [pic via LAT]

Our tipster is somewhat less sure of this part, but has also heard:

[That] dupre was paid a large "consulting fee" and for "archival footage" — the standard way interview subjects are paid by the networks. (how outrageous, to pay a hooker that much money and only get an interview!)

This would be standard, of course, because none of the news networks "pay" for interviews. Just for services rendered, so to speak, haha. If you have any more info on the Dupre interview, email us.

I downed a glass of champagne, did an enormous line and offered one to Ashley. She shook her head, and I offered it to her again. She leaned forward and did it. She was only 19 and couldn't even drink legally!

Her faced scrunched up as the powder shot through her sinuses. We dashed out the door, giggling as we burst onto the sidewalk. We jumped in the limo, and Ashley screamed, "Pump this bitch up!"

...One night, Victoria - sorry, Ashley - and I found ourselves alone in the loft. Ashley jumped up on the couch with the empty bottle of Taittinger we'd just polished off in two minutes flat and started singing along to Mary J. Blige's "No More Drama."

All of a sudden, she froze. "Oh, my God, it's Nas' birthday! I almost forgot!"

...We jumped in a cab and were at Select in two minutes. Ashley gave the magic word to the 500-pound doorman, and the velvet ropes parted like the Red Sea.

The owner came over and set us up at the table next to Nas and his then-girlfriend, Kellis. Wow, so there was Nas. I was excited, but Ashley was absolutely giddy...

"Ash, let's buy Nas a bottle of champagne for his birthday."

The waitress delivered our birthday present to Nas' table with our best wishes. Nas looked up, and then motioned for us to come over to his table.

Ashley put on her game face.

It's hard to imagine many people riveted by these stories, unless maybe they were converted into a TV movie. But if the book somehow manages to sell, maybe Dupre can turn around one of the haters in New York publishing who say her tell-all would never sell.

[Post]

• Christian Bale is set to get a "caution" about his alleged assault on his Mom and sister in London, but only if he admits guilt first. Comedian Russell Brand: "In England, we have such good manners that if someone says something impolite, the police will get involved. Christian Bale, I believe whilst in a restaurant, rolled his eyes at the lighting. That is an offense punishable by five years in prison in the United Kingdom."
• Bill and Hillary Clinton said they aren't going to David "Obama" Geffen's stupid party at the Democratic convention, and Geffen said they weren't invited anyway, mumbling something about what the fatties would do to his catering bill. [P6]
• In between macking sessions with boyfriend Justin Bartha, Ashley Olsen consumed two Bloody Mary's and "a little bit" of spaghetti. In other words, a balanced diet. [P6]
• Someone is domain squatting AshleyDupre.com. But that's not the Spitzer hooker's real name, and she's probably not about to try to explain to some court how she established ownership over the pseudonym, so... Point to the domain squatter! [R&M]
• I had never heard that Lindsay Lohan's 14-year-old sister Ali got breast implants until Lindsay blogged a heated denial. [People]
• Jennifer Aniston's rebound rebound rebound man is said to be Matt Felker, a model. Meanwhile, John Mayer and Pete Wentz are hanging out more.
• Paris Hilton denied that she's dumped Benji Madden for the CEO of MySpace. [The Awful Truth]
• Because America will never tire of brutal torture on the part of insane, gung-ho law enforcement authorities, drunk driver and enemy of military training Keifer Sutherland would like to make a movie based on 24. [OK!]
• Tori Spelling says she'd still like to be in the 90210 spinoff, and implies she only dropped out because of the timing of her kid. [OK!]