This is unfortunate. And despite the knowledge and truth that most of us wouldn't necessarily see anything wrong with a lone 13 year old riding the subway...I wonder what's happened to us where we can see a child by themselves and overlook him.
Like whenever we see obviously young children posturing by their lonesome, when they're selling candy ("I'm not selling candy for no basketball team."), dancing and doing tricks in dirty jeans and t-shirts, or riding in a group when it's clearly school hours. We usually just roll our eyes. Perhaps we shell out a dollar, but really we don't take into consideration that it isn't safe, that they are still babies, really, and that they should be protected, and not disregarded as the "culture" of subway travel.
I know, we as adults should be asking questions of the kids, but that could be dangerous too. Perhaps ACS really needs to start working with transit, so that we stop looking at independent children as merely annoyances, entertainment, or "par for the course."
The time or two I have attempted to provide assistance to children in NYC, I have been greeted by indifference at best. Including the time I saved a toddler from GALLOPING into traffic on Lexington while his parents were at least half a block behind us. So I typically just leave kids alone. Plus, I don't think most reasonable people would assume a 13-year-old looks too young to ride the subway by himself, except perhaps late at night.
I'm about to hop on the train to go to work. Please, no one say hi to me. Strangers who talk to me on the train, other than to get directions, kind of weird me out.
Like someone said further downthread - it probably didn't seem so unusual to the people who were on the train for 10 minutes. And I think most people spend their time on the train reading or zoning out.
When you've got lots of people crammed in a small space, it's the only real alternative. I prefer when people ignore me on the train - it's an acknowledgment that we're involuntarily in each other's personal space and we're trying as much as possible not to intrude.
If he was sitting up napping, with headphones on, he probably looked like every other teenager on the train.
Yes, it's a very sad story and I do think the parents are having a hard time trying to figure out what to do. His mother says as much. He was diagnosed with Asperger's only a few years ago.
Were the people on the train heartless? No, probably not. Clueless? Sure.
As an Aspy I can relate. There were times when I did something similar in school. For some reason riding the bus for a few hours and just people watching always felt like a viable alternative.
@Airvault: I have Aspergeer's as well. In high school I would skip for days at a time and just spend all day at the bookstore, or by the water's edge at the bay, or walking around the park in the background of all the people. It didn't mean anything, and it didn't accomplish anything, but it felt just as useful as the claustrophobia and useless noise that came alongside school.
Whenever I hear about a child with Asperger's, I always hope for their parents' sake that they are of the lucky sort who "grow out of it." Not that anyone who has it ever loses it (it's far too complex and complicated an affliction to ever really shake off), but there seem to be some who are able, somehow, to learn how to adapt in some way and get on in the world, while others remain emotionally like they are at thirteen forever, sensitive and uncomfortable and completely lonely. I was about to say that I was lucky to learn how to adapt, but after reading that article I kind of want to ditch work now and spend all day on the bus by myself. Poor thoughtful kid.
@ampersandparade: Yeah it takes time to grow into yourself. It probably sounds weird to read that if you don't know, but that's how it feels. Every little discovery is a breakthrough.
Seriously, though, come on. He didn't look like he was riding the subway for eleven days to the passengers. They just saw him on their way to work or whatever, where he looked like a 13 year old kid riding the subway. So they saw him a lot, so? You see a lot of people a lot on the subway. That's what it means to be a regular commuter.
@braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.: But at some point, he had to sleep. While its not unusual to see somebody sleeping on the subway, I'd think somebody would have found it unusual that a child was alone and sleeping on a train at night and would have told an employee or police officer.
@Lymed: You're assuming that he slept at night. Maybe he was sleeping during the commuting hours, or something, dozing in the morning. Alternately, maybe he was sleeping in empty cars, very late at night. I don't know.
I mean, yeah, the transit cops definitely should have been on this a little earlier, but there are a lot of reasons why passengers might not have realized this was a big deal other than, "New Yorkers just don't care about each other."
@momof3wildkids: This is slightly off-topic, but I had no idea your wild kids were autism-spectrum-wild. It's a challenge, I am sure, but I also imagine that, while draining and complicated, it's more emotionally and intellectually fulfilling than being momof3mildkids. At least that's how my grandmother looked at the situation.
And yes the sensitivity necessary to make a statement like that makes me wince in identification. In a way I wish he could just be cynical and sardonic about the situation, adopt that gallows humor to survive it all, but part of me loves that there is a special breed of people who are sensitive to the peculiarites of human interaction and wants to preserve it. I hope this kid is able to find some goodness in his little world.
@ampersandparade: All of my kids are gifts, just two of them came in some unique wrapping paper that had to be unwound to see the real present inside. The funny part is that my 'typical' one is the kid that causes me the most angst now. Go figure.
It was a long hard road, but they are doing great. They are very bright, fully mainstreamed with minimal supports now. Both are delightfully quirky and a lot of fun to be around.
I love watching the Big Bang Theory show because I see a great deal of my son in those quirky characters. I need to remind myself from time to time, that being 'average' or 'just like anyone else' are conditions that seem only to be valued in childhood. Plain vanilla people are not as valued as adults.
Sounds like you, Ampersandparde, are not a plain vanilla kind of person at all. Kudos to you.
@Matt Cherette: Alternately, maybe he's got a psychological disorder that makes social interaction difficult for him? Potentially one mentioned in the first line of the post?
11/24/09
Like whenever we see obviously young children posturing by their lonesome, when they're selling candy ("I'm not selling candy for no basketball team."), dancing and doing tricks in dirty jeans and t-shirts, or riding in a group when it's clearly school hours. We usually just roll our eyes. Perhaps we shell out a dollar, but really we don't take into consideration that it isn't safe, that they are still babies, really, and that they should be protected, and not disregarded as the "culture" of subway travel.
I know, we as adults should be asking questions of the kids, but that could be dangerous too. Perhaps ACS really needs to start working with transit, so that we stop looking at independent children as merely annoyances, entertainment, or "par for the course."
11/24/09
11/24/09
Like someone said further downthread - it probably didn't seem so unusual to the people who were on the train for 10 minutes. And I think most people spend their time on the train reading or zoning out.
When you've got lots of people crammed in a small space, it's the only real alternative. I prefer when people ignore me on the train - it's an acknowledgment that we're involuntarily in each other's personal space and we're trying as much as possible not to intrude.
If he was sitting up napping, with headphones on, he probably looked like every other teenager on the train.
Yes, it's a very sad story and I do think the parents are having a hard time trying to figure out what to do. His mother says as much. He was diagnosed with Asperger's only a few years ago.
Were the people on the train heartless? No, probably not. Clueless? Sure.
11/24/09
No he never returned
And his fate is still unlearned,
He may ride forever
'Neath the streets of....
uh....
oh....
Fuck Boston.
11/24/09
And, he left a red bell pepper under the seat.
11/24/09
I know better than saying hello to 13 year olds I don't know in public.
11/24/09
11/24/09
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11/24/09
Whenever I hear about a child with Asperger's, I always hope for their parents' sake that they are of the lucky sort who "grow out of it." Not that anyone who has it ever loses it (it's far too complex and complicated an affliction to ever really shake off), but there seem to be some who are able, somehow, to learn how to adapt in some way and get on in the world, while others remain emotionally like they are at thirteen forever, sensitive and uncomfortable and completely lonely. I was about to say that I was lucky to learn how to adapt, but after reading that article I kind of want to ditch work now and spend all day on the bus by myself. Poor thoughtful kid.
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/24/09
I mean, yeah, the transit cops definitely should have been on this a little earlier, but there are a lot of reasons why passengers might not have realized this was a big deal other than, "New Yorkers just don't care about each other."
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/24/09
11/24/09
And yes the sensitivity necessary to make a statement like that makes me wince in identification. In a way I wish he could just be cynical and sardonic about the situation, adopt that gallows humor to survive it all, but part of me loves that there is a special breed of people who are sensitive to the peculiarites of human interaction and wants to preserve it. I hope this kid is able to find some goodness in his little world.
11/24/09
It was a long hard road, but they are doing great. They are very bright, fully mainstreamed with minimal supports now. Both are delightfully quirky and a lot of fun to be around.
I love watching the Big Bang Theory show because I see a great deal of my son in those quirky characters. I need to remind myself from time to time, that being 'average' or 'just like anyone else' are conditions that seem only to be valued in childhood. Plain vanilla people are not as valued as adults.
Sounds like you, Ampersandparde, are not a plain vanilla kind of person at all. Kudos to you.
11/24/09
How did he get food? Water?
Also, his mom must be a huge bitch if he was that afraid of coming home.
11/24/09
And he subsisted on cheap snacks that he could buy at those platform newsstands -- sadly not that different from me in my daily life.
11/24/09
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11/24/09
#submit