At around 1:30am Eastern time, Dan Abrams' Mediaite, his "Huffington Post meets Gawker" website, went live. We've been trying to take a look at it, but it keeps going down. Ah, growing pains!

So in the last couple of hours the internet has been buzzing with false rumors that Rick Astley was found dead in a Berlin hotel room. ASSME's Steve Huff thinks this was the work of those dastardly 4Chan people. [ASSME]

Newsday has supplied a crucial piece of information in the emerging "Viking Funeral" theory of the Montauk Monster's origin, and we've spent all day going over historical weather records to better assess its credibility. Answer: Maybe! But we're dubious.

School's out, thunderstorms are rolling in, and flowers are in bloom. Montauk Monster season is upon us. And to ring it in, ASSME's Drew Grant claims to have finally solved the mystery that seized a nation last July.

The Media Is Dying, an IV drip of journalistic schadenfreude, reports on a new gig for former Radar executive editor Aaron Gell: editor-in-chief of Hemispheres, United's inflight magazine. We say hurrah!

Are a you laid off media person? Have you joined The American Society of Shitcanned Media Elites (ASSME)? You should, because they're a seriously legitimate organization now. They have T-shirts and everything!