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New York, 11:30 AM
Mon Nov 30
21 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of TheUptightMidwesterner TheUptightMidwesterner
    11/26/09

    In reply to The Associated Press' Helpful List of Excuses For Not Visiting Your Family this Thanksgiving
    I have been blessed with a job that requires you to work at least some of the holidays.

    It is the best excuse ever and everybody thinks I am swell gal because I will always work Thanksgiving if you ask.
     Reply
    TheUptightMidwesterner was starred TheUptightMidwesterner was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    11/26/09

    In reply to The Associated Press' Helpful List of Excuses For Not Visiting Your Family this Thanksgiving
    How about: My family are a bunch of psychopaths and they live an ocean away.

    Also, "I'm a lazy drunk" seems to work as well.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of SaraRueful SaraRueful
    11/26/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: I dunno, I read your "worst ever" submissions and I think I'd want to go back just to see how they could top themselves.

    Then again, I'm not related to them, so it's probably much more amusing to me.
     Reply
    SaraRueful was starred SaraRueful was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    11/26/09

    @SaraRueful:

    The thing is I'd be on edge the entire time and my step mom is a master of saying things that she knows will make people feel awful about themselves for weeks to come.

    I already see my shrink twice a week. That's enough.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of bboston88 bboston88
    11/26/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: Ahh, family.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter promoted this comment bboston88 was starred bboston88 was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    11/26/09

    @bboston88:

    I don't know how people who live in countries where alcohol is illegal deal with family events.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of bboston88 bboston88
    11/26/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: Xanax?
     Reply
    bboston88 was starred bboston88 was unstarred
    Image of Helio Helio
    11/26/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: that "worst ever" thread was so depressing, i stopped reading after the story about pot focaccia. Alas, I must have missed yours. Post it again (or send me a PM)! I have to read it.
     Reply
    Edited by Helio at 11/26/09 9:50 AM Helio was starred Helio was unstarred
    Image of miss_msry miss_msry
    11/26/09

    @drunkexpatwriter:

    RE: Your winning Thanksgiving Horror stories.

    After that did all your relative take taxis to you parents home?
     Reply
    miss_msry was starred miss_msry was unstarred
    Image of miss_msry miss_msry
    11/26/09

    @[gawker.com] it was a classic like "A Christmas Story." I will be reading it every year.

    And hopefully the screenplay will be optioned in time for my grandchildren to enjoy the story.
     Reply
    Edited by miss_msry at 11/26/09 9:56 AM miss_msry was starred miss_msry was unstarred
    Image of Helio Helio
    11/26/09

    @miss_msry: sadness. the link just redirects to this page.
     Reply
    Helio was starred Helio was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    11/26/09

    @miss_msry:

    Don't curse me! I think I may easily lose this contest to many other people!
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    11/26/09

    @Helio: I have three entries and I worry that if I post again Gawker will think I'm being pushy. But, I think if you click on my name you can scroll through my list of comments to find them.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    11/26/09

    @Helio:

    [gawker.com]
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Helio Helio
    11/26/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: geez louise! Your family really puts the fun in dysfunctional, don't they? The sheer amount of collateral damage they caused is both terrifying and admirable. if the commenters could vote for best story, you would definitely get mine.

    given this history, turning into a "drunkexpatwriter" seemed like an inevitability. Where are you now, anyway?
     Reply
    Helio was starred Helio was unstarred
    Image of OrneryBabe OrneryBabe
    11/26/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: Your stories are tough to beat. I mean, a kitten head. I would be scarred for life, and possibly beyond.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter promoted this comment OrneryBabe was starred OrneryBabe was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    11/27/09

    @Helio: I live in Montpellier, France.

    And, yeah, my shrink said "There is a reason you put distance between yourself and your family."
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    11/27/09

    @OrneryBabe: Yeah, that was a tough night.

    The demolition derby thanksgiving was more fun, because I'd parked my car up the street.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Conchie Birdie Conchie Birdie
    11/26/09

    In reply to The Associated Press' Helpful List of Excuses For Not Visiting Your Family this Thanksgiving
    Glad I'm reading this on the freaking plane. A little too late, I guess.
     Reply
    Conchie Birdie was starred Conchie Birdie was unstarred
    Image of Trai_Dep Trai_Dep
    11/26/09

    In reply to The Associated Press' Helpful List of Excuses For Not Visiting Your Family this Thanksgiving
    Well, I guess there's one advantage to being Roman Polanski this time of year...
     Reply
    Trai_Dep was starred Trai_Dep was unstarred
    Image of jeetjet jeetjet
    11/26/09

    In reply to The Associated Press' Helpful List of Excuses For Not Visiting Your Family this Thanksgiving
    Schadenfreude+patronising=AP
    Schadenfreude+envy=Gawker
    Turkey+Duck+Chicken=Turducken
    Love+1=Haircut 100
     Reply
    TheUptightMidwesterner promoted this comment jeetjet was starred jeetjet was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    11/26/09

    In reply to The Associated Press' Helpful List of Excuses For Not Visiting Your Family this Thanksgiving
    If they loved me, wouldn't they send me a FIRST class ticket?
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of phlox✔ phlox✔
    11/26/09

    In reply to The Associated Press' Helpful List of Excuses For Not Visiting Your Family this Thanksgiving
    But what if my family is already here? What if they live with me?
    Now what are the options?
    Cyanide capsules?
    Fiegning mercury poisoning?

    Also, FWIW, After Turkey, 'Family-Time' Wii Bowling is the drunk, white, middle-class curse.
     Reply
    phlox✔ was starred phlox✔ was unstarred
    Image of Adrian Chen Adrian Chen
    11/26/09

    @phlox✔: They need to make a wii game where you have to use your mouth so people can't talk and play at the same time.
     Reply
    Adrian Chen was starred Adrian Chen was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    11/26/09

    @Adrian Chen: wii quarters
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of phlox✔ phlox✔
    11/26/09

    @Adrian Chen:
    Wii blowjobs is the obvious choice.
    Not so much w/family though.
     Reply
    phlox✔ was starred phlox✔ was unstarred
    Image of Trai_Dep Trai_Dep
    11/26/09

    @phlox✔: ...Let's not unnecessarily rule out options for Wii players visiting family in the Deep South.
     Reply
    Trai_Dep was starred Trai_Dep was unstarred
    Image of hotpinklovesofa hotpinklovesofa
    11/13/09

    In reply to Sarah Palin's Historical Fiction Memoir: 10 Juicy Items from the Sneak Peeks
    So it's obvious Palin's vapid little head has gotten so big that she's planning a run for president in 2012 but I would love to know how she think she's going to pull it off considering she pretty much blames everything that went wrong on the RNC and McCain's staff. Granted backstabbing isn't a new or rare thing for and amongst republicans but isn't it a little early? Perhaps she should've waited to play the victim and blame game until after she lost the republican primary.

    Also, devoting so much in her book to the Katic Couric interview is playing a little defensive. Is this really supposed to make her look better or just dumber than she's already come off? OK, stupid question given the demographic that will be buying her book. If they believe in the rapture, they'll pretty much believe in anything.
     Reply
    Edited by hotpinklovesofa at 11/13/09 7:05 PM hotpinklovesofa was starred hotpinklovesofa was unstarred
    Image of heywhat heywhat
    11/13/09

    In reply to Sarah Palin's Historical Fiction Memoir: 10 Juicy Items from the Sneak Peeks
    Why is she directing all her rage and hatred at Couric? I love how she throws insults at Couric whose only crime was asking her questions she should have easily known the answers to. She pitied her and thinks she ignorant? The irony.

    And about glamorizing Bristol's pregnancy, didn't she let Bristol pose for People magazine after giving birth? #sarahpalin
     Reply
    heywhat was starred heywhat was unstarred
    Image of noonecaresowen noonecaresowen
    11/13/09

    In reply to Sarah Palin's Historical Fiction Memoir: 10 Juicy Items from the Sneak Peeks
    My evil side wants to hit up every B&N and move her book to the Fiction section, but I know that only makes it hard on everyone who works there. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    Mama Penguino promoted this comment noonecaresowen was starred noonecaresowen was unstarred
    Image of Mama Penguino Mama Penguino
    11/13/09

    @noonecaresowen: Don't worry - as a former Borders clerk who had to sell the Rush Limbaugh books and the Anita Hill slasher, I promise you the bookstore clerks will come up with their own pranks. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    Mama Penguino was starred Mama Penguino was unstarred
    Image of TheSometimesWhy TheSometimesWhy
    11/13/09

    In reply to Sarah Palin's Historical Fiction Memoir: 10 Juicy Items from the Sneak Peeks
    For those of you keeping track of these things, Ms. Palin is the cross-gendered, next generation of Ronald Reagan's ghost, all show, no go. Granted, Reagan's ability to convey a message was more effective, more seemingly credible, but the underlying dynamic still applies: the American electorate (increasingly) wants to buy an image that allows them the luxury of checking out. Of avoiding the titanic responsibility for all the gargantuan misdeeds that have been perpetrated by their representatives in the name of Uncle Sam, hot dogs, baseball, and Chevrolet.

    What is mind-numbingly stark is the level to which we have fallen when it comes to the quality of the image we will embrace. When you looked into a crowd of Reagan supporters, waving their little flags with just a little too much urgency, wearing their Oliver North pins, didn't you ask yourself how could it get any worse? Now recall the throngs that cheered this absolute black hole of a human being who has the brass breasts to stand up and claim to represent me and you--there is your soul-sapping answer.

    As my Uncle Tasso used to say, "May God have pity on our wretched asses." #sarahpalin
     Reply
    TheSometimesWhy was starred TheSometimesWhy was unstarred
    Image of T-RO T-RO
    11/13/09

    @TheSometimesWhy: Don't worry. It's going to be all about Huckabee in 2012. I didn't understand why he wasn't picked for VP slot. He's the less hot, less stupid version of her. Also, far more intelligent and likable, which makes him doubly scary. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    T-RO was starred T-RO was unstarred
    Image of TheSometimesWhy TheSometimesWhy
    11/13/09

    @T-RO: "Don't worry"? By your own admission, your insights are cause for nothing but worry. Or in the alternative, some time spent rethinking becoming a citizen of the world... #sarahpalin
     Reply
    TheSometimesWhy was starred TheSometimesWhy was unstarred
    Image of T-RO T-RO
    11/13/09

    @TheSometimesWhy: sarcasm, dude. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    T-RO was starred T-RO was unstarred
    Image of Sullygulliver Sullygulliver
    11/13/09

    @T-RO: Since when is Huckabee less stupid than Palin. Or for that matter, less corrupt. [www.youtube.com] #sarahpalin
     Reply
    T-RO promoted this comment Sullygulliver was starred Sullygulliver was unstarred
    Image of T-RO T-RO
    11/14/09

    @Sullygulliver: Lesser of two evils, or at least the appearance of being the lesser of two evils. See also: [nymag.com] #sarahpalin
     Reply
    T-RO was starred T-RO was unstarred
    Image of TheBusinessGuy TheBusinessGuy
    11/13/09

    In reply to Sarah Palin's Historical Fiction Memoir: 10 Juicy Items from the Sneak Peeks
    Palin was surrounded by disloyal officers. Ahhhh, but the strawberries... #sarahpalin
     Reply
    TheBusinessGuy was starred TheBusinessGuy was unstarred
    Image of otakugirl otakugirl
    11/13/09

    In reply to Sarah Palin's Historical Fiction Memoir: 10 Juicy Items from the Sneak Peeks
    As a journalist, Couric does have to have at least some bias against people who can't name a single newspaper, seconds after claiming they read newspapers (all of them!) every day. I must admit, that's a bias I share. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    PaisleyPajamas promoted this comment otakugirl was starred otakugirl was unstarred
    Image of karchad karchad
    11/13/09

    In reply to Sarah Palin's Historical Fiction Memoir: 10 Juicy Items from the Sneak Peeks
    Ya just won't stop on Sarah Palin. What's wrong, Obama isn't faring as well as y'all hoped? If a liberal democratic woman took the trash that you deal out to Palin, the NOW would be going nuts. But the National Organization of Women apparently only speaks out pro-Democratic party, as we saw when it stayed silent on all of Bill Clinton;s gropees (I said gropees, not groupies!). NOW should normally be up-in-arms on this assault on a woman. And a lot of it has been gender-based, but i guess she's only a part of a gender-racial protected group if she votes the right way! Women like her and Condi Rice don't get the normal gender-racial preference. They're in the wrong party.
     Reply
    Richard Petty Bourgeoisie approved this comment karchad was starred karchad was unstarred
    Image of Richard Petty Bourgeoisie Richard Petty Bourgeoisie
    11/13/09

    @karchad: Really? She doesn't seem at all like a prime target for ridicule? The root word of "ridiculous" is "ridicule." She doesn't seem the least bit ridiculous to you? The stammering interviews? The resignation? The Tweeting? The ghost-written newspaper columns? The behind-the-scenes hissy fits? The plan to give a concession speech?

    So, no. I, for one, will not "stop on Sarah Palin." I comment on this site to poke fun at the sublimely ridiculous and chew bubble gum, and I'm all out of bubble gum. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    Richard Petty Bourgeoisie was starred Richard Petty Bourgeoisie was unstarred
    Image of headexplodenow headexplodenow
    11/13/09

    @karchad: The assault on Sarah Palin has nothing to do with her gender. True, some media outlets did focus too much on what she was wearing and how she looked, treatment male candidates rarely receive, but the same applied to Hilary Clinton. The fact is Sarah Palin, first and foremost, was a poor candidate for vice-president and the Republican Party did a great disservice to the country by ever offering her the position. And those who embraced her because she is a woman, and then turned a blind eye to her obvious deficiencies, missed the point completely. An election isn't about demographics. It's about selecting the better candidate, the individual, regardless of race, creed, or gender, who can best do the job. Palin is many things - a petty narcissist, a governor who abandoned her state - but she was certainly not that individual.
     Reply
    hotpinklovesofa promoted this comment Edited by headexplodenow at 11/13/09 12:00 PM headexplodenow was starred headexplodenow was unstarred
    Image of braak: You are, as usual, completely correct. braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.
    11/13/09

    @karchad: Listen, hoss--NOW tries to protects people from being attacked based on their gender. It does NOT protect people who have a gender from being attacked. Being a woman does not make Sarah Palin immune to criticism--especially if she is a HUGE FUCKING IDIOT. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    braak: You are, as usual, completely correct. was starred braak: You are, as usual, completely correct. was unstarred
    Image of thatgirlinnewyork thatgirlinnewyork
    11/13/09

    @karchad: NOW seeks to protect women who are suffering bias for their gender, not their stupidity. they're not stepping up for carrie prejean, either. so. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    thatgirlinnewyork was starred thatgirlinnewyork was unstarred
    Image of bzr bzr
    11/13/09

    @karchad: Yes, because we all know that Sarah Palin's ridiculousness stems only from the fact that she has a vagina. Now go back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich, sweet cheeks.

    We're still playing the race/gender/sexuality card in 2009? If I was a woman and I read your comment, I'd be even more offended. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    bzr was starred bzr was unstarred
    Image of Mediahohoho Mediahohoho
    11/13/09

    In reply to Sarah Palin's Historical Fiction Memoir: 10 Juicy Items from the Sneak Peeks
    What's Wrong With Alaska
     Reply
    Edited by Mediahohoho at 11/13/09 10:31 AM Mediahohoho was starred Mediahohoho was unstarred
    Image of gawkimo gawkimo
    11/13/09

    @Mediahohoho: Short answer: The population of the entire state is smaller than the population of the Akron metro area yet it receives the highest proportional amount of federal money of any state (per capita expenditures).

    And it gets two senators. Imagine if Savannah, GA got its own senator -- that how disproportionately that big, fat red welfare state is over-represented in Capitol Hill.

    686,000 people sponging off the national trough (including, incidentally, lots of poor indigenous peeps who live in third world squalor up in the North Slope while the drilling destroys their subsistence).

    Sarah Palin is barely fit to be mayor of Oklahoma City. #sarahpalin
     Reply
    gawkimo was starred gawkimo was unstarred
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